Future In-laws (Long)

My FILs are driving me crazy including my FSIL. My FH was talking to my FMIL about some stuff for the wedding, when she said to him that she thinks that my shower should be in LI (where my FI's family lives), but my family lives in Bklyn. Who is she to say that? She is paying for it, NO!! My mother and my sister are paying for it. I can not believe that she would even say something like that. She also said that if it is in Bklyn, no one for my FI's family will be there because they have to drive. How does she know that? She keeps telling my FI that no one from his family is going to come to the church because it is in Bklyn. How does she know that too? What a psychic she is that she can see into the future.

Now my SIL is also a pain, she told my FH that she thinks that my sister and mother should have my shower when she is on vacation so that she does not have to take a day off from work. Another pain! How can see say that!! My FH told her that whenever and wherever my shower is, is up to my mother and sister. I think she is mad because I did not ask her to be in my BP.

I am sorry that I am venting but what a pain they have been since we got engaged. We still have 23 months until the wedding. I can not wait until it is over all because of them.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

Wow, that's extrememly selfish of them.
COntinue to stand your ground !!!!
Good Luck

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

-

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

If she is SOO upset over this tell her she can plan her own shower for you. I have know girls who had 2 showers before. But Brooklyn is not out of state. Why is it okay for YOUR mother to have to drive to LI from Brooklyn if it isn't okay for HER to drive the opposite? Totally unfair.
Here is the problem a)someone called her and spoke to her about the wedding. Rule #1- don't bring up the wedding to her anymore Rule #2- if she says anything your FH should answer 'The shower has nothing to do with us. Call her mother if you want to discuss it' period.

Why is it okay for people to drive an hour to get a store they love or wait in traffic near Fortunoffs during the Holidays but it isn't okay for them to drive to a wedding?

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

The shower is definintely (sp?) not in LI. My whole family is in Bklyn. My FMIL will never say anything about that to me to my face. She has not mentioned anything about the wedding to me, she tells all this to my FI. If she ever said any of that stuff to me, I would tell her a little more than that. If she wants a say about where the shower is, then she should pay for it.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

My FMIL made a very similar comment re: a possible engagement party, and it made my blood boil!!

We were discussing where we might want to have an engagement party (p.s. we decided not to have one), and I mentioned we (FH and I) should check our some restaurants near us (FH and I live in Queens), and my FMIL said 'You can't just have it by you guys, you have to make it convenient for everyone....'

HUH???? Freakin' Long Island isn't convenient for everyone!!!!!!!! Several members of the bridal party live in NYC and do not have cars.... we have family/friends through the entire tri-state area!!!

Nylisa – IGNORE her! I was too shocked to say anything to my FMIL, but I’m now prepared for the future – I KNOW she’s going to have a comment about my shower – which will be in Queens, thank you very much!

What is WRONG with people?!?!? (I actually feel better, though, that someone had the same comment made to them)

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

-

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

you learn a lot about people during these times. never ceases to amaze me. just be like, my mom is throwing it for me and it will be where she chooses because that is the best place for it, end of discussion. tell her its already been taken care of and eventually she will shut up about it. take the wind out of her sails.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

OH WELL, if they dont want to drive to brooklyn..... lol
you dont need them there...... send them an invite and they should send a gift!!!
she shouldnt dictate where your party should be unless she is paying for everything! I get so mad when people try to do things like this..... its like, ugh
where do you come in to make the decision!!

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

Did you say 23 months to go??? Please don't even stress yourself over something so far away, you must be a Libra. Try not to 'project' and take it 'one day at a time'. I know I sound like a 12 Step program but it works. I am alot like you and I get crazy over things that haven't even happened yet. Good Luck!

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

I had such problems with inlaws for my shower. I think they thought it was going to be about them. My FMIL had her daughters friends on the list and her nieces kids when this was an adult only shower. It was riciculous! She also told me I had no right having my husbands coworkers wives at the shower, even though I have known them for ten years. My mom told her to have her own shower for me and she blew up. Like Michele said, people do have two showers. This is about YOU. It is YOUR day! You are supposed to have everybody that has meant something to you in your life there. I will put it to you this way, if there is ever a baby shower, it will only be my family and friends. It is very sad, but even more sad when people get off on taking over and ruining a special day for you. Dont let anyone do that! Remember, it is about YOU!!!

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

Thank you for letting be vent. I am glad that I am not the only one with the same problem. Yes I have 23 months to go but I know that she will be like this until my wedding is over with. The one good thing is that she will never say anything about this to me because if she did, I would probably say something that I would regret.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

I feel for you! Please stand up for yourself or have your FI because it just gets worse. You need to give in sometimes and kind of pick and choose your battles but there are certain things that you will feel strongly about (esp. the shower) where you have to stand up and get our way! Also, sometimes people say stuff before they think and when it comes down to it they really don't mean it.

I was and still am in your situation. FI and I do what we want and we are paying for our wedding. We are both very considerate of both families but FMIL makes many comments thinking we do everything for my family. It is upsetting because it is so not true.

We had a lot of issues in the beginning which FI straighten out and we basically decided to keep the planning between FI and I and keep families for the most part out of the decision making process. This was fine until the shower came. Since it wasn't FI and I planning, FMIL and FSIL wanted the biggest say and the issues all started up again.

My inlaws live in SI. My family lives in LI and Queens (where we are getting married and having the reception). FI and I also live in Queens and will buy a house in LI (our own personal decision). From the beginning they were mad we weren't having it in NJ. FMIL keep giving me all these NJ bridal mags. They said the shower can't be in LI. Told my mom who to invite to the shower even though I gave my mom a different list and my mom paid for the entire thing. FSIL caused the hugest problems over the date and her vacation schedule. The list goes on. My mom gave in too much when it came to the shower and they don't even appreciate it or realize it.

Good Luck and hopefully it will al work out.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

Bridetobe
Yes, it seems like quite a few people go through this unfortunate situation. My mom paid and planned my whole shower herself. I too like you feel my mom gave in too much and they dont realize or appreciate it. I wish we had a heads up on it so much sooner.

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

I just want to say that it could be worse! Atleast they all want to go to your shower - my FMIL left after the first 1/2 hour and didn't talk to anyone except her mother!

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

just when i thought i heard everything.
people have some nerve, its unbelievable!

Re: Future In-laws (Long)

Completely selfish!!! In-laws are so much fun aren't they?! Maybe your FH needs to have a talk with them and say that not being at your shower or the church would be an insult to him. He's marrying you and this step in his life is not about them, and how inconvenient it is for them to get there, it's about the two of you and your new lives together.