My parents are paying for everything. My FI and I are grateful for that. Future inlaws are upset because they feel they are not being represented enough in the wedding. For example:
1. my parents want to invite their immediate family members only - they have a problem with that
2. I heard through the grape vine that my shower invites went out and that they are upset that my FI name is not on the shower invite - I have never seen guys names on shower invites.
3. I heard they had a talk with my FI about this which if that's true what are they trying to make him do or say to my family???
They are trouble makers!!!!! I need to come down..
Olgaki
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
have they offered to help but your parents refused??? If they did, maybe you should let them pay for something...
But if they didn't offer to pay, why are they complaining! You get what you paid for - that's my opinion
curlysue
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
My parents are still upset with us because we told them to ask if they would like to participate they felt that it shouldnt be asked upon them they said any normal person would step up and participate freely on their own. No they are not paying for anything flowers, limos, rehersal dinner, nada zilch
Olgaki
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
Ugh I know what you are saying - were they born or raised in the US? Or are they from somewhere else?
Sage10.03
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
WOW....I am sorry - Did you ask FH if that had this 'talk' with them????
I have NEVER seen a guys name on a shower invite!!!! EVER!
Jess2
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
My FI's parents are not paying for anything either. Our deal is that we will pay for a certain amount of people from his side. If they want more, THEY have to pay for them, otherwise they can't come. My FI even asked them to contribute & they said no, that they'd rather give us a wedding present (we'll see!!) As for the shower invite, men are usually not on them, at least I've never seen that. Truthfully IMO they should have absolutely no say in the wedding unless they are contributing.
goldilocks
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
If they are not contributing to the wedding fund, what you and your family wants should come first! I would only be concerned if my fiance was upset about any of the things they mentioned. If they don't like something, SO WHAT! Remember, YOU'RE the one getting married. If they were sabotaging stuff, I'd worry, but let them have they're petty complaints. They're the ones who will end up looking bad. Enjoy your time and don't let them take it away from you!!
kelly6273
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
I'm a little confused about the immediate family thing. To me, immediate family is just parents, brothers and sisters. Is this what you mean? Does this mean that your FH's aunts, uncles, cousins are not invited? Even though your parents are paying they should not be deciding who gets invited. You should give his family and number of people that they can invite and let them decide. They should be able to invite more than just immediate family.
Occassionally I have seen the grooms name on a shower invite. Mine wasn't but his name was on the registry card. It's nice to put the grooms name on it so people from his side know who you are...that may sound silly but my FH has a lot of family members that I didn't know very well and they only knew me by my first name. I was nervous about this, but it all worked out.
You shouldn't be upset that they are speaking to your FH about all this. At least they are being up front about it.
I'm sorry that they are causing you so much grief. I hope I don't sound like I'm not on your side...I'm just trying to give you a different perspective.
I hope everything works out!!!
curlysue
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
No they weren't born in the US and they are very old fashioned. MY FI wasn't mad he's a guy he doesn't know to much about the planning process besides he doesn't want to know so he doesn't know whats right or wrong. He does know that its not right to complain when you are not even involved financily. He said that to them. I don't want to talk to my FI about this because I will end up getting upset and I don't want him to get involved with this crap he is working 7 days a week now and he is looking for a home for us so things are stressful you guys know the market now I don't need him to be involved in this crap and his own parents are the ones getting him involved. Immediate family members to us is of course is uncles aunts cousines. He comes from a small family, we are even inviting his family that live out of the country - mind you my parents are paying for these people on his side, My FI and I don't even know these people they are still coming. That's not the problem I'm proud and can't wait to see the other side of his family. Its when you actually complain about things and you don't have the right to.
kelly6273
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
It is really disappointing to see so many of you say that if the grooms parents aren't paying, then they should have no say in anything. FH and I are paying for our entire wedding because it is OUR day and we wanted to. We have never asked a single soul for money and quite frankly, we would be embarrassed to. The tradition of the parents paying for the wedding is long gone and you basing how much say people have because of how much they paid is kind of distrubing to me. These people gave you life and raised you. Your FH's parents, like it or not are going to be your family. Weddings cost so much these days and it's really wonderful that your parents are willing to pay for everything but unfortunately, not everyone is in a position to do so. Try to remember that.
Good luck to you!
curlysue
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
kelly6273 I understand what your saying. I did mention that my FI and I are grateful to our parents and we are lucky. I was reminded by that everytime I visited a hall. So I know we are the minority by having parents involved financily. His parents are well off I remember that everytime they get their BMW and Jaguar sent off to get washed by the people they hire to do their gardening!! The reason they don't want to be involved is because 1. they were not helped and 2. they feel the brides parents pay for it all anyway. I'm only upsest because regardles with planning a wedding people are going to talk. It just hurts me and my FI that when its your own parents doing the talking. Lets not forget the real point of my original post. Thank you and you feel offended by what is being said through my post I will apoligize for that.
Olgaki
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
Coming from a generation of foreign parents, I can tell you that I have heard many horror stories of FI parents not paying because they are old fashioned and it is the brides responsibility. It it crazy that they feel like that because most of those women were not educated passed High School and many of these girls have spent tens of thousands of dollars to get educated and will be brining cash to the relationship whereas before all they did was raise the kids and cook and clean. So don't feel you are alone on that front! Sorry this was a little off topic but I had to vent because I hate that old fashioned way of thinking because it it just so hurtful to future brides and grooms!!
On your actual problem, these same girls have their future in laws getting just as nosy and throwing their 2 cents in every 5 minutes even when they aren't contributing a dime to the wedding!! They feel they have the 'important player' in the relationship, the man, and as thus, they should be afforded the correct amount of respect and allowed to comment on all things!
kelly6273
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
I'm sorry! I hope that I didn't come off rude.
Everyone situation is different and I hope that you don't think that I was judging you. The more I hear from you the more I realize that this isn't just about the money. I'm sure that there are a million little stories that have led to your frustration and that these things you posted about are the icing on the cake.
I really hope nothing but the best for you!
curlysue
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
Kelly 6273 No you didn't come off rude. I was trying really hard not to look selfish because I know how hard it is out there. I sometimes tear up thinking about it because I will tell you everywhere I went photography, halls, flowers they all say how difficult it is and they have so many people coming in and paying everything themselves. I have to say the good part of that is getting exactly what you want I think that's really important. Thank you :o) and good luck to you.
Thrilled
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
I will say that when my shower invitations went out they said Jane Smith, fiancee of John Doe - lots of FH's mother's friends were invited and hadn't met me.
I also got one once that said the same thing as mine.
kelly6273
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
You too hon!
Rob-luvs-me
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
I can see where you are coming from Curly- My parents are paying for the wedding and FH's family is not contributing a dime. We are cool with FMIL b/c we know her finances and KNOW she WOULD help if she could. My parents upset and FH is Pissed b/c FFIL and FSMIL had not offered a dime for the rehearsal dinner - which was all we were hoping they would help with. My parents take it as an affront that they CAN afford to help but instead chose to dump all over our wedding to us, my parents or anyone who will listen basically. I.e. they refuse to dress formally for a black tie wedding - (when we KNOW they did it for FBIL's wedding)
What is more upsetting is that they have now decided to get REMARRIED 3 days after our wedding for the 21st anniversary - with a church and a reception apparently - and they are in the process of Building a new house and they told FH and my parents that they plan on buying completely new furniture since theirs is 10 years old. THey will be giving it all to FSMIL family. So they cry proverty - but then by the way we are having this great wedding 3 DAYS after ours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jess2
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
Kelly, for me it is more than the money, they have not expressed any interest in being involved with the wedding whatsoever so I don't want to be viewed me as a person who is only concerned solely about the money, thanks.
Scoop
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
Your parents should give a headcount of how many people they can invite and if they want more, then they should pay for it. Regarding the shower invitation...my husband's name was included b/c as stated above, some of his family has never met me and/or wouldn't know my last name...so they had my name, finace of xxxxxx.
WeezieNY
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Re: Future Inlaws are making trouble AGAIN!!!!....
I totally agree with Ogalki. My parents are paying the bulk of it and FH only offered to pay for the RD and that is riddled with problems. Don't let it bother you. Ignore them. The one who holds the purse strings always has the microphone.
