getting rid of a bm
any ideas on how to axe a bridesmaid???
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getting rid of a bm
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Well what did you she do? you need to be prepared you may loss a friend
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by FutureMrsDe
Well what did you she do? you need to be prepared you may loss a friend
being selfish and difficult...
at this point i don't care for the friendship.
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Re: getting rid of a bm
When did you ask them? and when is the wedding? I'm sure if you have a reason for it she will have some kind of inkling that your friendship is going down?? ![]()
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by Meggeese
When did you ask them? and when is the wedding? I'm sure if you have a reason for it she will have some kind of inkling that your friendship is going down??![]()
asked them in september...and i specifically spelled out that that if you dont have the time nor the funds then I'm OK with you saying no...and I really think she said yes for the title and that it's her first wedding party she's at...
background - from my MOH and my sis - EVIL bm has been difficult with the planning of the bridal shower...she's complained about chipping in funds...and even suggested to ask the guest to pay! what does she think she is
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Tell her what one 'friend' told me-
'We just aren't that close anymore and I just don't see us getting that close in the next 8 months. I'm so sorry. But I still want you to come to my wedding and bridal shower.'
'We just aren't that close anymore and I just don't see us getting that close in the next 8 months. I'm so sorry. But I still want you to come to my wedding and bridal shower.'
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Re: getting rid of a bm
i would either sit her down or maybe write her an email because sometimes saying it that way is easier because you are able to express yourself. i wouldnt have someone as your bM especially now that you feel you dont want a friendship with that person. you shouldnt havee to have anyone in your bridal party. and it will prob less stress you out to have this person you have enough stress going on.
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by angelabarra12
i would either sit her down or maybe write her an email because sometimes saying it that way is easier because you are able to express yourself. i wouldnt have someone as your bM especially now that you feel you dont want a friendship with that person. you shouldnt havee to have anyone in your bridal party. and it will prob less stress you out to have this person you have enough stress going on.
thanks for the advice - she's completely stressing me out...FH keeps telling me to be the BIGGER person and just let it be...but ARGH - we only get married once and this is a ONCE and a lifetime event...why can't people just be self-less...and stop thinking it's about them...because it's about the BRIDE and GROOM
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Re: getting rid of a bm
I would talk to her about it. Maybe she is feeling that she doesn't have the money to be in it anymore or her heart isn't into it. In either case it'll be easier on you. Talk to her and explain that you feel as though things have changed and you have drifted apart, and maybe it would be best if she came as a guest this way it doesn't put anymore strain on the friendship. If you feel awkward doing it face to face, an email might be best.
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by lisagail55
Tell her what one 'friend' told me-
'We just aren't that close anymore and I just don't see us getting that close in the next 8 months. I'm so sorry. But I still want you to come to my wedding and bridal shower.'
What happened after you told your friend?
At this point I don't really care if she comes to the wedding or the bridal shower...
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Re: getting rid of a bm
I would definitely talk to her in person rather than email. Emails can get misinterpreted or come off with a certain tone, so in person would be better.
My opinion, if it's stressing you out and ruining your bride experience, I'd cut her from the bridal party...it's not worth the added stress! Planning a wedding is stressful enough and bridesmaids should ease your stress, not create more!
My opinion, if it's stressing you out and ruining your bride experience, I'd cut her from the bridal party...it's not worth the added stress! Planning a wedding is stressful enough and bridesmaids should ease your stress, not create more!
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by MrsVtoBe
I would talk to her about it. Maybe she is feeling that she doesn't have the money to be in it anymore or her heart isn't into it. In either case it'll be easier on you. Talk to her and explain that you feel as though things have changed and you have drifted apart, and maybe it would be best if she came as a guest this way it doesn't put anymore strain on the friendship. If you feel awkward doing it face to face, an email might be best.
I did talk to her...but I guess she doesn't get it...Doesn't seem like she has the heart to be in this wedding party but just wants to do it for the Title - She's complained from the beginning first with the dress picking...and then when I got them a great deal on the dress, there's no thank you there...then she created a spreadsheet and email it to the rest of the bridal party...saying this wedding is costly! NO DUH - being part of a wedding you're given to spend $$$...But I'm a budget bride - I'm not asking them to spend crazy amounts on a dress. FH think she might talk bad to my friends...or tell people i'm inconsiderate...she's complaining why she needs to chip in $100 for the bridal shower...and she tells her sob story that she's buying a co-op and all her life savings will be going into it...what the heck man...
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by JeanetteandMatt
I would definitely talk to her in person rather than email. Emails can get misinterpreted or come off with a certain tone, so in person would be better.
My opinion, if it's stressing you out and ruining your bride experience, I'd cut her from the bridal party...it's not worth the added stress! Planning a wedding is stressful enough and bridesmaids should ease your stress, not create more!
I wish it was that easy...I'm not a person to go into confrontations...thanks for your advice...
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Re: getting rid of a bm
you should talk to her dont writ e a email that will cause drama. when you asked her to be in ur bp what did she say? she might not have the money for bridal shower and that why she suggested to chip in but that weird suggestions me and three of my friends are getting married in 2011 and are mothers are paying for shower. I feel you my cousin i asked her to be one of my bm and she is too busy and hasnt ask to help at all, pissing me off but i dont let it bother me. i always make time for people i care about i have always worked full timed and fulltime student so i dont like excuses lol hopefully if she doesnt ask help out bc i asked her few times now to go places she forgot i asked her lol
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Re: getting rid of a bm
Posted by weirdo168
Posted by lisagail55
Tell her what one 'friend' told me-
'We just aren't that close anymore and I just don't see us getting that close in the next 8 months. I'm so sorry. But I still want you to come to my wedding and bridal shower.'
What happened after you told your friend?
At this point I don't really care if she comes to the wedding or the bridal shower...
Well, I was on the receiving end of this conversation, so she's the one who told me this. Also forgot to mention she was backing out of my BP as well. I was hurt and shocked, but also felt like 'OK, if she wants it that way, then so it is, because I am not one to be begging for friendship from someone who couldn't care less.' And, of course, there's a whole way long back story. But long story short, we're still 'friends' and I'll go to her shower and wedding, and I'm sure she'll still come to mine. I have an 'obligation' because our FH's are really good friends.
***BUT*** If you don't care then it shouldn't matter. She should 'understand.' Who cares what happens at this point.
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Re: getting rid of a bm
I will never understand why people WANT to be in a BP unless its a really close friend or family member. It's annoying, expensive and time consuming unless you're really into it.
I'd arrange to speak to her in person and be honest. tell her you understand its hard for her with the $ etc, but everyone else is doing it and you've done it for other people. Tell her nicely that you're doing her a fabor and reducing your bridal party.
and yes..you will lose a friend here most likely.
I'd arrange to speak to her in person and be honest. tell her you understand its hard for her with the $ etc, but everyone else is doing it and you've done it for other people. Tell her nicely that you're doing her a fabor and reducing your bridal party.
and yes..you will lose a friend here most likely.
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Re: getting rid of a bm
i would just tell her like it is, straight out, put the ball in her court
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Re: getting rid of a bm
It would be one thing if she meant a lot to you and were informed of her financially difficulty. I am sure you would then do what you needed to to 'cover' the expenses. But it seems like there is no major loss so you feel. My future hubby and I were certain to pick only those people who we know we would be friends with in 15 years! We werent inviting people just to invite them - not with what we are paying a head! It just isnt worth it. So I say if youre not feeling supported by her and its causing more trouble than its worth she may need to go.
