Getting so angry... (long)

Ok so a few of me and my FH's friends are engaged, and one couple (my FH's good friend and his fiance) specifically are starting to get on our nerves. We are getting married about 5 months before them, and we talk to them alot about what we have booked so far, and they both keep putting us down about our wedding plans...

1. They said we booked 'such an old looking' venue and the girl flat out told me she hated my venue- it's a historic cottage with beautiful moldings and hardwood floors but it's not for everyone and I get that, but seriously I thought that was pretty rude...

2. We got engaged in November and saw all of our friends/family at Thanksgiving/Christmas who all gave us wonderful engagement gifts. So, we decided against an e-party because of that. They told us we were stupid because we could've made more money if we had an engagement party and that most people won't give gifts if we don't have a party, but that wasn't exactly my intention so we didn't go for a party (needless to say, they didn't get us a gift lol)

3. They had a 200 person engagement party and told my FH they paid over $120 per plate and that they expect to profit because all of the guests should give at least 120 each 'because lower than that is rude.' My FH felt obligated to write a large check because they knew we were aware of the price they paid. Idk if it is just me over-thinking here, but it came off like they purposely hinted that to their friends to make sure they wrote large checks for them.

4. I told the girl that initially I wanted to do a wine theme and even started to collect wine corks to make placecards on... She also knew that I asked my friends/family to be apart of my bridal party with bottles of wine with labels that said 'will you be my bridesmaid?' on them... guess who used wine corks as placecard holders, made centerpieces with grapevines and stuff, and bought a wine cork cardbox for her e-party?? Tell me that wasn't done purposely...

I am just SOOOOOO glad that our wedding is 5 months before them, because i'm sure she will have a gigantic over the top wedding and will throw it in my face that theirs is better lol (all a matter of preference)... I am still fuming about it though because I dont give her my view on how she should have ran her e-party and how she should pick a venue or whatever, because everybody has different tastes and everybody plans weddings differently. It is just extremely frustrating to have to see them and be polite without saying 'i don't want to discuss wedding planning with you because I am excited for my wedding and don't want you to put me down.'

Sorry it was long, need to vent. I'm sure someone has a friend/family member like this, or maybe i am just REALLY UNLUCKY lol

FH and I also have a bunch of engaged friends, but we're the last ones to get married....

1. Milleridge Cottage is GOREGOUS. I'm trying to coax my mom into having my shower there at the Inn. One of my BMs went to a wedding there not long ago and said the food was amazing and everything was beautiful. That girl is clearly not only rude, but wrong.
2. I didn't have an engagement party either and also got lots of gifts. I have no regrets about not having one.
3. That e-party is larger than my wedding and to expect to PROFIT off it is disgusting. I am not a cheap person, but that chick would have gotten a $50 item off her registry if she said that to me. And not one of the fun gifts, either.
4. She's not smart/creative enough to come up with her own ideas. Be flattered.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but you're clearly taking the high road here....keep doing what you're doing and ignore her.

---

Posted by larlynn

FH and I also have a bunch of engaged friends, but we're the last ones to get married....

1. Milleridge Cottage is GOREGOUS. I'm trying to coax my mom into having my shower there at the Inn. One of my BMs went to a wedding there not long ago and said the food was amazing and everything was beautiful. That girl is clearly not only rude, but wrong.
2. I didn't have an engagement party either and also got lots of gifts. I have no regrets about not having one.
3. That e-party is larger than my wedding and to expect to PROFIT off it is disgusting. I am not a cheap person, but that chick would have gotten a $50 item off her registry if she said that to me. And not one of the fun gifts, either.
4. She's not smart/creative enough to come up with her own ideas. Be flattered.

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this, but you're clearly taking the high road here....keep doing what you're doing and ignore her.

---

Lol funny you say that- I asked her where she was registered for her e-party and she said she refused to register because she didn't want to get a $50 toaster when she could be getting straight cash instead haha

Wow...that's so many levels of rude!

Venues are 100% a matter of preference. I'm getting married at Thatched Cottage which is an historical venue. I chose a venue for that reason - 1 wedding at a time and didn't feel like a 'traditional' wedding place. People chose venues for different reasons and if you and your FH are happy, that's all that matters.

Also, I didn't have an engagement party either. A lot of my guests are from out of town and I didn't want them to spend any extra money on an engagement party. Again, that's a matter of preference. If someone told me how much they spent per plate (which is just tacky) I would still spend what I would normally give for an engagement. I can't control how people choose to interpret my gift or if people don't understand the meaning of a gift.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I would be going crazy! You said it best - weddings are all a matter of preference. I've been to weddings that had all the bells and whistles and sometimes it comes across as trying too hard. You'll have the day that you and your FH envision and that will make it perfect! Good luck with this craziness!

You should consider FMing Katielynn. She has a similar situation with a friend of hers, and I know she has gotten a lot of advice from girls on here about the subject.

But other than that, I'm really sorry you're going through this. Some people just can't help but be tacky and tactless. Milleridge Cottage is BEAUTIFUL! But regardless of what we all think, YOU are getting married there, so in reality, the only people who have to like it are you and your FH. There were plenty of places I saw that I wasn't a huge fan of, that other girls fell in love with!! My FMIL hates my venue, but all that matters is that FH and I love it.

Second, I'll give you the same advice I give other girls in this situation. Don't tell her ANYTHING more about the wedding. If you come up with a cool idea, and she asks you about what you're doing for that specific thing, tell her you haven't decided yet, or that you're doing something else. She is clearly an attention seeker, and doesn't care whether it is positive or negative attention.

In regards to the gifts, I had an e-party because I wanted to celebrate our engagement with our friends and family. That was the only reason. In fact, we had a couple of friends who weren't going to come because they couldn't afford gifts, and I told them that they were expected to come, and to not dare think of bringing a gift, that their presence would be gift enough. Some people choose to be tacky about it. I went to an engagement party last year where the bride actually told people, when asked where she was registered, that 'I'm registered at Chase, you just need to write a check and I can get whatever I want when I deposit the money in my account'. The rule that you're supposed to cover the cost of your plate: a. is outdated, this is for when weddings didn't cost an arm and a leg, and b. is typically for weddings that don't take place in NY (because the cost of weddings is outrageous in NY state).

I get so aggravated when people talk about how much they're going to 'make' off of their weddings. Even if you have the most generous family and friends in the world, to imply that you're going to 'make a profit' from the gifts at your wedding is so utterly tacky, it's disgusting. I just hope everyone I love can be there to celebrate the beginning of our wonderful life together, whether they give a gift of $10 or $10,000.

Again, I'm sorry you're going through this. I apologize for getting all preachy, but girls like that give normal brides like us a bad name. Just keep your head held high, and your wedding ideas a secret.

shouldn't have read this at 6:30 am before work!! ahhaha OMG!!!!!!! I'm so angry for you....all I can say is I would have punched her!!! Just know your wedding is the wedding of YOUR dreams!!!!! and if she doesn't like it or has a nasty comment just come out and say then I won't invite you so you don't have to attend the wedding you are hating on so much....

that should get her! lol...OMG i'm annoyed by this girl!

I agree with the other girls but I am a little bit of a b*tch so I must add this.
Since your wedding is first, you can at least reciprocate the gift amount for her wedding. Make sure FH doesn't ask/find out per plate cost. Remember it's not your responsibility to pay if someone wants an over the top wedding.

---

Posted by cets1290

Ok so a few of me and my FH's friends are engaged, and one couple (my FH's good friend and his fiance) specifically are starting to get on our nerves. We are getting married about 5 months before them, and we talk to them alot about what we have booked so far, and they both keep putting us down about our wedding plans...

1. They said we booked 'such an old looking' venue and the girl flat out told me she hated my venue- it's a historic cottage with beautiful moldings and hardwood floors but it's not for everyone and I get that, but seriously I thought that was pretty rude...

2. We got engaged in November and saw all of our friends/family at Thanksgiving/Christmas who all gave us wonderful engagement gifts. So, we decided against an e-party because of that. They told us we were stupid because we could've made more money if we had an engagement party and that most people won't give gifts if we don't have a party, but that wasn't exactly my intention so we didn't go for a party (needless to say, they didn't get us a gift lol)

3. They had a 200 person engagement party and told my FH they paid over $120 per plate and that they expect to profit because all of the guests should give at least 120 each 'because lower than that is rude.' My FH felt obligated to write a large check because they knew we were aware of the price they paid. Idk if it is just me over-thinking here, but it came off like they purposely hinted that to their friends to make sure they wrote large checks for them.

4. I told the girl that initially I wanted to do a wine theme and even started to collect wine corks to make placecards on... She also knew that I asked my friends/family to be apart of my bridal party with bottles of wine with labels that said 'will you be my bridesmaid?' on them... guess who used wine corks as placecard holders, made centerpieces with grapevines and stuff, and bought a wine cork cardbox for her e-party?? Tell me that wasn't done purposely...

---

1. Like every other bride on here has said... Milleridge is GORGEOUS so tell her to stuff it. Where is she getting married? I'm getting married at Meadowsedge Mansion at West Sayville Country Club and I love it. It has history. Its different. I didn't want one of these 'wedding factory' venues that do 8 weddings at a time. Tell her to stuff it. Seriously.

2. We got engaged in December and we opted to have an engagement party. Originally I wanted just a dinner for the families to meet... but then my mom got a hold of it and now its a full blown PARTY. A BBQ/backyard party.. but bigger than I intended. My mother forced to me to register for it because my family was asking what we wanted and I kept telling her to leave me alone and tell them nothing because we a: truly don't need anything right now and b: its not about the gifts. I just want to celebrate as many times as I can that I'm marrying the man of my dreams. While gifts are thoughtful and appreciated... they're unnecessary.

3. Okay... her e-party cost more per plate than my wedding will and thats ridiculous. It is INCREDIBLY tacky to tell people what the cost of the plate is!! I can seriously rant and rave about this so I'll just leave it at that.

4. I know its annoying that she copied you BELIEVE ME... but take it as flattery. If I were you I probably would've been so peeved that I would've made a comment like 'Oh I'm so glad you did the wine thing with the corks so I can see what the trial and error was like'



Like sgf2 mentioned... feel free to FM me. I'm in a similar situation with a friend of mine.

---

Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

I think you need to distance yourselves from this couple because they obviously are not real friends.

---

This... or at least SHE isn't. She sounds absolutely nasty. First of all, NOBODY has any business telling you that they hate the venue you picked. They do weddings because people clearly go there to book them and I LOVE Milleridge! The only reason we didn't even consider them is because we've both been there a lot and we wanted someplace we've never been to before.

Second, I HATE couples who have e-parties for the sole purpose of getting gifts. FH and I didn't have an engagement party because we didn't want people to feel obligated to get us gifts. And to expect a lot of cash from people is just plain rude and greedy.

I'm actually shaking my head because she sounds like such a witch!

---

Posted by sandr325

I agree with the other girls but I am a little bit of a b*tch so I must add this.
Since your wedding is first, you can at least reciprocate the gift amount for her wedding. Make sure FH doesn't ask/find out per plate cost. Remember it's not your responsibility to pay if someone wants an over the top wedding.

---

I said the same thing to my FH- At least we can wait and see how they handle our wedding gift-wise and everything and then just reciprocate... It sucks that we have to do this though, because we give gifts based on the relationship to the person, not on the venue or how much they gift us- I dont think we have another choice though lol

---

Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

I think you need to distance yourselves from this couple because they obviously are not real friends.

---

This. They seem incredibly toxic and have a bad case of 'one-upping'. Sorry you have to go through this!

---

Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

I think you need to distance yourselves from this couple because they obviously are not real friends.

---

THIS!

---

Posted by Soon2BeMrsMango

I think you need to distance yourselves from this couple because they obviously are not real friends.

---

This - very wise words!

It's a shame too - I'm fortunate to have a friend who's getting married in 2014 too. She's getting married in January and I'm getting married in September. It's never been about 'I'm doing this better than you', we've been sound boards off each other. Personally, that's how it should be. Everyone's wedding isn't going to be the same!

OMG that's terrible that you have to deal with that! Our good friends are getting married 3 months before us, and I absolute love the fact that we are planning our wedding together!! We are in their bridal party & they are in mine. I just love that I can go to her about questions and even book certain things together. I just don't get when some people are negative during this time, especially when you have that in common. Don't stress it! From now on don't give them too much info, and if she asks just say it's not definite or you haven't thought about that yet, just so she doesn't try to make you feel bad about any other decisions you make..and I'm sure your wedding will be beautiful, just like you dreamed of!

This girl sounds terribly miserable. Your venue is beautiful, I've been there on a few occassions. Like so many other girls said, that is insane to feel obligated to write such a huge check just because she wanted to spend so much on an e-party.
Distance yourself for sure, you don't need friends who put you down and/or are miserable themselves.