Getting stiffed....

mscally Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:32 PM

Getting stiffed....

This isn't for myself but when I told a friend about this site she asked me to ask you guys this question. She was married in December '02 and invited her cousin and her boyfriend to their wedding. They came and did not give a gift. A few months after the wedding they made it a point to say they still owed her a gift. Now almost 2 yrs later (and still no wedding present given) they are getting married. My friend is undecided as to what to do. Should they return the favor, stiff them and call it even? My opinion was to give them a card (which was more than they gave) with nothing in it. Whats your advice?

bluesashbride Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:33 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

give them a card and best wishes and nothing more.

Bride22BB Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:34 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I would go and not give a thing..

PrincessRose Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:35 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I am not sure, honestly. Lots of things play into it, such as the cousin's financial state 2 years ago.

Look, honestly, they SHOULD have given a card at least, but maybe the gift was more than this cousin could handle financially at the time.

Your friend should give a gift off the registry at the very least.

jw11897 Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:36 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I would give a gift off of the registry

Laura1976 Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I would just send a card, and not go to the wedding.

ChristineC68 Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:38 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

If I was attending the wedding, I would bring a gift. It would be less then normal because of the circumstance but regardless of the situation, I would be embarrassed to attend a wedding without bringing a gift.

If it was a cousin I wasn't particulary close to I would consider not attending.

PrincessConsuela Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:39 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I would just send them a card with an IOU in it.

anjerandunder Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:42 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

first off..be woman enough to admit that you never gave a gift..secondly..i would give a gift off the registry..my motto has always been 'two wrongs don't make a right.' just make sure its a spatula or a rolling pin..

pbandtim Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:44 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

Posted by PrincessConsuela

I would just send them a card with an IOU in it.

I like this answer the best!

Bunnymonkey Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:44 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I would give a very small gift (an egg slicer? One pillowcase?) from the registry with a nice card.

mscally Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

not going to the wedding is not an option - its next week and she already replied yes. that would just be wrong to not go.

brideinapril Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

Honestly, I would just give them a card, only because I would feel wierd being empty handed! I know 2 wrongs don't make a right - but in this case what comes around goes around!!!!

David'sbride Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:46 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I want to say go and just give a card but then I can hear my grandmother's voice in my head...

'Two wrongs don't make a right' and 'Be the bigger person'.

I can understand but I'm thinking either

1. go but give some sort of gift

2. send a card with nothing and don't go.

mscally Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:47 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

yeah thats how i feel - i dont think they should give a gift because in reality, we almost always give back exactly what we got. in this case it happens to be nothing!

ANA6178 Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:49 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

A card with no $$$ would be acceptable.

There have been times when I have gone to wedding when I didn't have a penny. I somehow found the money.

mscally Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:50 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

right - or if i didnt have money I wouldnt go. they had two years to come up with something - i think its unacceptable!

Ang&Rich Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:53 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

hmmmm...it's difficult to say

On the one hand she could be the better person and give a gift..this may prompt the couple to give their late gift in return...or not. In this case I would - how do I say this delicately - not give too generous of a gift.

On the other hand she could just give a card at the reception - no gift and wait to see what happens. She can always use the excuse that she 'owes' it to her if it backfires.

Me...I say be the better person and see what happens. If she has or will have kids the gift may come back in another way.

lilacwine Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:57 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

I vote for giving a smaller than normal gift.

Here's a bizarre story that happened to me:
I went to a friend's OOT wedding and brought a present (Christmas-themed crystal vase). I was one of the first people in the reception hall and I put the gift on what seemed to be the gift table. Months go by and I never got a TY from this frient. Christmas comes, I send a card and wrote in it something about how I hope they're getting use out of the Christmas vase. Still, never got a TY.

So...I still wonder what happened -- was the present stolen from the reception? did they lose the card and not know it was from me? did the TY get lost in the mail? (These are college friends I speak to 2x/year, so it wouldn't just come up in conversation...)

It's been about seven years since then and now I'm finally getting married. I wonder what they'll do...

Blu-ize Posted: Sep 28, 2004 02:57 PM

Re: Getting stiffed....

IMO, you don't give a gift expecting one in return. Take the high road. Hey my brother-in-law still hasn't given us a gift..6 1/2 years later. Gotta shrug it off.