Alright so I am having a bit of a moral dilemma. Neither my mother, father, FMIL or FSFIL (step father lol) are helping with the wedding. I feel that POSSIBLY the FMIL and FSFIL will throw a rehearsal dinner...
So should we get them gifts regardless?
Or if they throw the party get them a $50 gift certificate to their favorite restaurant?
We are REALLY on our own in this whole wedding, so it irks me that we have to give everyone gifts that did nothing but make it more difficult....but etiquette is etiquette I guess.
Sweetpea1
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
Not to be blunt but you give gifts for the help you received, not out of obligation or because of etiquette. Weddings are expensive enough. If they give RD then yes I would at least treat them to they're favorite eatery.
Future Mrs H
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
My parents didnt contribute to the wedding either but we ended up by getting them a lenox frame for our wedding picture. We got it at Macys onsale for like $20
leelou48
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
omg I feel the same way...my dad isn't doing anything. At first he was kinda interested in dj's and stuff but now he doesnt even ask me any questions about it. FH's parents care, they can't really contribute anything, but they are paying for the STDs just to try.
But for my dad especially, I feel like he doesn't deserve anythign, especially for all the stress he gives me. A king size bag of M&Ms might be coming his way.
Yankeeelove
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
I was wondering the same thing about fmil. I thought her album and dvd after the wedding would be enough. She hasn't done one thing to help me so I think that's all she will get.
FutureWifey
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
FH and I are paying for the WHOLE wedding... but I know FMIL wants to throw a RD (just to have a sort of family reunion) and my mother will be helping with the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette Party. So, in terms of gifts... they are getting flowers for the ceremony (its a gift because I DO NOT have to do that) as well as parent albums that are mini versions of ours and very pretty.IMO, it's not necessary... but they made mistakes and that's why they can't afford it. If they could, then they would happily throw us a wedding.
However... I took them off the invite. If I'm spending 40k+, then they do NOT have to be there.
LindsaylovesJustin
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
I am in the same position... no help from ANYONE.... which is fine... but I also have that jewish guilt and want to make sure that they dont hold it over my head later in life.
FMIL is the QUEEN of holding EVERYTHING over your head! EVERYTHING! and recognizing NOTHING that you do in return.
gahhhhhhhhh
AwaitingAugust
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
i think it should depend on whether they're not helping because they can't afford to help ... or if they just don't want to help.
if they can't afford it, i'd give small gifts ($20-50 for each set of parents) and a photo album (you can make it yourself on a photobook site if your photog doesn't include it - it'll be cheaper, prob).
if they have the money but just don't want to help, i would not give them any gifts.
bride2be2012
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
Posted by Sweetpea1
Not to be blunt but you give gifts for the help you received, not out of obligation or because of etiquette. Weddings are expensive enough. If they give RD then yes I would at least treat them to they're favorite eatery.
I agree with this.
LindsaylovesJustin
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
I agree, his parents can totally help, but dont want to...
My dad on the other hand had no money and would give me the shirt off his back.
I think I will make my dad an awesome 'welcome' basket with a metro card, his favorite candies, magazines, a nice razor and his favorite beef jerkey. (btw: what is it with men and Beef Jerkey?!?!)
I will wait to see if his parents help with the RD and if they do we will get them a gift certificate to their fave restaurant, if not then nothing more than day of flowers and some gifts for the little kids.
Thanks for the advice ladies...
rosatemp
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
Posted by Sweetpea1
Not to be blunt but you give gifts for the help you received, not out of obligation or because of etiquette. Weddings are expensive enough. If they give RD then yes I would at least treat them to they're favorite eatery.
ITA
CaughtMyFish
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
Posted by Sweetpea1
Not to be blunt but you give gifts for the help you received, not out of obligation or because of etiquette. Weddings are expensive enough. If they give RD then yes I would at least treat them to they're favorite eatery.
Agreed.
On the other hand, both sets of parents have helped financially however my parents are acting like AHOLES lately and I want to buy them NOTHING.
Of course, the Jewish guilt will set in and I will buy them all a gift, but in my opinion I believe behavior should weigh as much as financial help when you make a decision/purchase like this.
rozenextdoor
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
You should do whatever you feel comfortable doing. If you can not give them gift and not lose sleep over it - don't give them.
I happen to feel perpetually guilty about everything and if you're like me -give a gift.
Something small works, one wedding I was in she gave the mothers a small but pretty bracelet from Things Remembered (approx $30 each) and the fathers they gave them a watch/clock and a flask.
Or you could just buy double picture frames and put a photo from childhood with your parents on one side and a photo from the wedding to be put in the other side. (just swap FH in photos for his parents)
The old adage is true it really is the thought that counts sometimes.
pixietina
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
My mom has not been helpful at all so she can expect nothing.
On A Practical Wedding's Blog today they address your question. Hope it helps.
KrisBren2011
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Re: Gifts for uninvolved parents??!?!
We are getting my FMIL and FFIL albums and a copy of our wedding dvd, so I ordered a DVD case that was engraved with mine and FH's name and wedding date. It was like $19.99.
