Girls - I just need to talk...I got horrible news from the Doc. today...

I went back to my doctor today (she is the best) to see abou the pneumonia and my heart and see how things were going. So now I am on both work and school leave until they find out what else is wrong with me. By the end of the week ill probably be in the hospital.

I went for blood work to see about the pneumonia...I have to go for more xrays and to go see the pulmonologist. He/She will determine whether to admit me to the hospital. Too bad the one my doc told me to go to wont see me till march. She said shed call them to get me in or get me in somewhere else asap. I keep coughing, so bad i was presribed a cough suppressant full of hydrocodone just to relax me, bc id burst into tears from the pain. To make matters worse, i had such severe back pain sat night that FH gave me a pain killer that i had from some oral surgery to make it stop...even then it didnt.

So I have been on anitbiotics for a while now. The one I am is so strong that I am dizzy all day long. Well, from all the antibiotics I now have NO more good bactieria in my intestines.. Its all bad bacteria which could poison me. Im going for further blood work and testing on that alone...let alone the tests on my lungs and my heart.

I have been tacky cardic on and off for a while now. thats when Yourh Heart rate is high. My normal HR right now is 110....after walking down a 20ft hallway and back...its 125+....however....ekg and echocardiogram have come back normal....soooo now what? More tests??

Im just restless and stressing bc Now Im losing money...FH is giving all he can, but my 1200 a month is now 0 a month. I havent worked since early JAN!!! Everyone tells me not to worry, but my parents dont need the burden of picking up after me and my wedding decisions...i need to be responsible. I cant ask them for the money im losing - even tho i know my mom will come thru. I want to go for a hair trial....I cant even do that!

The depression from all of this is killing me. I cant drive. At all. I cant go out to a mall, incase i catch somethignn else. Even a cold will do some damage. I call my Bms, but its hard to get in touch with them... they are married, pregnant, and not here. They live in different states and have lives. Jason has been remarkable - hes with me alot...i told him to go to Johns (best man) to get out, because i know its getting to him, and hes scared esp with the bride who .died on her wedding day in Jan. I keep telling him its not going to happen to me ill be fine...but hes a nervous wreck.

Im not feeling sorry for myself... i want to get out and go back to work and see people. I miss people. Honestly, you guys have given me alot...i love staying up late and playing post games with Mary (debismom) and anyone whos up (now i have to get to bed early). I feel like im in good company when I post....no need for the drama llama.....great people. There is not ONE person on the boards I wouldnt love to just go grab coffee and hang with....that i dont love to talk to. NOT ONE! ♥

That was really long. I just feel like I can open up to you guys. Im so lonely and depressed that I cant go hang out and go to school and that FH is a nervous wreck. I am A NERVOUS WRECK. I just find joy here.

Thanks.