Girls with divorced parents......(Long vent)

Ok so my parents got divorced about 5 years ago. I'm pretty much over the whole thing, but there are times when it still gets to me. Holidays, celebrations, etc. So obviously I'm having some issues with it now with the wedding planning and all.

Anyway, yesterday, my mother tells me that she wants to invite her boyfriend's sister and her husband to the wedding. Now I've known the boyfriend for a few years, and FH and I live upstairs from mom and boyfriend, but I still don't necessarily consider him MY family. I've never met his sister, and frankly, I really have no interest in it. So mom's boyfriend is going to visit his sister this week, and my mom says 'Oh give Steve a STD magnet to give his sister.' I'm like 'uhhh no, it'll be mailed when the rest are mailed in June.'

Anyhow, it's really bugging me that she wants to invite them. It doesn't make sense to me why HIS family has to be at MY wedding. It's bad enough that my parents aren't together and have separate dates and I have to put their dates in the limos. Why do I need their family there?????

So I talk to FH about this, and he's like 'what's the big deal? It's only two more people.' I try to explain that it's not about two more people, it's the fact that I'm still not comfortable with my parents dating and that I see no reason for two people who I know nothing about (not even their names), and really have no interest in, being invited to my wedding. Then he says 'well maybe Steve wants someone else he knows there.' My response: 'I don't care! He knows my family, that's enough.' Besides, then what, is he going to want to sit with his sister? He's supposed to sit with my mom at one of the head tables. FH's says 'so put your mom at a different table!' He just doesn't get it. His parents are still together and will NEVER get divorced.

I mean, I'm still going to invite them, b/c this is really the only request my mother has, but it's bothering me. Just needed to get it out to people that might understand. Thanks.

i understand what you are saying from a different point of view. my FH's dad passed away only 2 years ago. FH's parents were legally seperated for 23 years but they still celebrated every wedding anniversary, every birthday together & every holiday together. i knew FH's dad for 7 years & when i found out the FMIL had a boyfriend who she wanted to invite to the wedding i was so upset.

but FH helped me to realize that everyone deserves to be happy. so if your parents are happy with there boyfriend or girlfriend, that should mean a lot to you.

i understand its hard but like you said you will be inviting your moms boyfriend & his sister & her husband so maybe you can suggest to your mom to have everyone for dinner so you can meet them before your wedding.

if youre not comfortable with your mom dating at all i would DEF talk to her about it, i see inviting the other couple as something important for youre mom as these people are becoming important to her ya know?

It is realllllllllllly hard trust me, but im glad my mother re-married and is now in a happy marriage, i originally hated the whole thing but now that ive accepted it i love my stepdad likes hes my dad, and ive met his whole family theyre amazing and love them as my own.

I would talk to her about it cuz it seems like you dont even want her boyfriend coming, just what i got out of it, could be wrong

I can totally see why this would be bothering you. I could understand if your parents got divorced when you were really young, like lots of parents do. Then you would know the boyfriend's family, etc. therefore, you might be more comfortable inviting them

however, its only been a few years. you havent been given enough time to get use to it & get comfortable with everyone.

also, FH's never understand stuff like that. My FH couldnt understand why i was mad that my cousin booked her wedding so close (and before) mine as soon as she found out i was engaged & had a date (she wasnt even engaged yet when she set this date & started booking stuff--just being a b!tch))

anyways, hopefully closer to the wedding you will be more comfortable about the whole situation

i know its hard....my parents got divorced when I was like 3 and to this day its still hard on holidays and certain events...like who are you going to spend the time with, etc.

in regards to the wedding, I understand that you might not feel that comfortable with having your mom's boyfriend's family there but I would just invite them to keep the peace. If your mom ends up remarrying they will become your 'step-family'. I think it would be nice to start out on a good note. jmo. Plus you will be all over the place during the wedding its not like you really need to spend any time with them!!

sorry you have to deal with this! good luck

Don't get me wrong. I DO want my parents to be happy. And I'm glad they've both found someone to be happy with. I've learned to accept that. And I don't have a problem with their new SO's being at the wedding, I'm even putting them in the limos with my parents.

My problem is with inviting members of THEIR family. I just don't think it's necessary. FH and I will be meeting the sister and husband over the summer. They're coming out to visit my mom and her BF and will be staying with them for the week (downstairs from me). So I will get to meet them, and I'm sure I'll like them, but it's just this weird festering feeling inside that I can't seem to shake. Like ok, great, I'll meet them once. So still, WHY do they need to be invited?

I guess it really is no use getting all worked up over it anyhow, since I'm going to invite them to make my mom happy. But it's just bothering me. And the fact that she wanted me to send an STD with him to give his sister, when we're not even giving them to OUR friends and family yet.


ETA: the sister and her husband are from out of state, so no, they really will never become part of my family anyhow, even if mom remarries. This summer and my wedding will probably be the only couple of times I ever see these people.

My parents are divorced for 5 years too and it ***** ***** *****... I am not inviting their boyfriends/girlfriends because I don't like them. Plus my mother hates my dad's girlfriend (even though my mother was the one who wanted to get divorced but that's a whole other can of worms) and I don't want it to spoil my wedding. They are not my family, I don't care about them and I am not inviting them to share in my special day. Plus I am not giving in so that my parents feel better because you know what they didn't ask me when they were getting divorced so I am not going to make things convenient for them... as you can tell I am very bitter!

thats a tough situation but i can understand you being uncomfortable with it.

Inviting ur mom's bf is fine but imo i don't think it's necessary or even reasonable to invite his sister and that other person.
FH's parents are divorced and he is inviting all of his stepmom's family... but she's been his stepmom since he was 8 so its a totally different story.

I know what you are going through....

My parents are also divorced since 1995, I was in college then. Mom doesn't have a BF, but my dad is re-married to an old hag that i don't care for (thank goodness they live in Puerto Rico, so I am not obligated to see her). But my dad has visited us in NY and has stayed at my mom's house. He is still in love with my mom, but my mom doesn't have those feelings for him anymore. So it is funny when he tries to call and asks for her....I find it hysterical, coz it drives my mom nuts!!!

So of course,my dad will be coming to my wedding without his wife, coz I will only pay for his airfare. (Also, she is jealous of my mom.)

Anyway, my parents have always been respectful to one another. Even though my dad still pines for her, he has learned how to restrain himself when he visits us. I just think he misses us being a family together. So I think my wedding will be better off if my parents come alone. This way they can enjoy themselves and I can enjoy myself without any drama...

Ok here is a point of view from someone who is on the other side.
My FH has kids and I am going to be the Step Mom.
Me, FH, his ex and her FH get along for most part (we are not social; but friendly/civil and go to stuff for the girls).

I can see you hesitating b/c this guy is not her husband but a BF. I can understand you do not know these people. BUTBUTBUT maybe this is their way of trying. Maybe they would like to get to know you and be a part of your life.
Just give someone a chance. They didn't ask to be in this situation and it's hard for them too. TRUST me.

You are better off starting on the right foot.
And you never know, you may really like these people and someday want to go to their house out of state.

Sometimes more people can enhance your life; look at it as a gift.

I also would be thankful your parents still are cordial for your sake. Many aren't

Thank you everyone for your input. I really appreciate it.

Like I said, I WILL be inviting the sister and husband, I'm just not happy about it. I DO know the boyfriend....I HAVE known him for about 3 years now, and he lives downstairs from me. It's the sister I don't know, and don't feel I really need to know. But I guess that's just me.

And believe me, I'll never be staying at their house out of state. They live right near some of my aunts and uncles, so I'd be staying with them if I did.

Thank you for listening girls.

I know exactly how you are feeling. My parents got divorced about 8 years ago. They are not with anyone but holidays celebrations etc. is always a mess. It is getting better but look how long it takes. We always have 3 celebrations each holiday. One with my mother, one with my fathr and one with FH family.

VERY STRESSFULL!!!!