giving a BM the BOOT...

sandelion23 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 10:56 AM

giving a BM the BOOT...

i had a falling out with one of my BMs. it was my fault at first so i apologized and apologized and apologized but she was not having it so she told me off BIG TIME. i'm talking the meanest, nastiest, cruelest things one person can say to another. now apparently she is over it and thinks this is just a “fight”. the rest of my BMs think this is going to blow over. the problem is I am so deeply and profoundly hurt by the things she said I cannot get over it. I feel like if she thinks of me as such a horrible person and such a terrible friend then she should not be one of my BMs.

how do I give her the boot? has anyone been in a similar situation?

nicothy Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:01 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

i would just tell her how u feel and tell her it would be better if shes not in the party anymore.

CLMon7906 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:01 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

just be honest....i don't think we can be friends anymore, i certainly wouldn't feel right having you standing by my side on my wedding day. goodbye.

GeorgeGiuliana Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:05 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Honestly weddings bring the worst out in people and you don't even realize it's doing it sometimes. I would wait a little bit and see how you feel and how your relationship is going. If after another few weeks you know you're not meant to be freinds then sure give her the boot.

Something you have to realize you can't give a bridesmaid the boot and expect to be friends with them ever again. It's a hurtful thing. I know a situation and it took years for them to recover from it and it's still not the same. Just my opinion

hsacks23r Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:09 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Posted by nicothy

i would just tell her how u feel and tell her it would be better if shes not in the party anymore.

I totaly agree

sarahradio5 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:09 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Posted by sandelion23

I feel like if she thinks of me as such a horrible person and such a terrible friend then she should not be one of my BMs.

I think you can either e-mail her or call her and say exactly what you just said. You can tell her that you want people standing by you on your special day that truly love you, and you can't get past what she said to you. You don't say that to someone you love... no matter how mad you are. You can say it upsets you to no end to know that this means the friendship will now be over, but it obviously didn't mean as much to her as it meant to you and it's probably better this way. You apologized to her, and she still chose to drag it out and hurt you - and you just can't get over that.

I had a similar situation happen to me with one of my BM... she's no longer a friend of mine. I'm sorry you're going through this. I think a lot of us do during wedding time.

Smiles111 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:09 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

at least talk to her about it before making your final decision about kicking her out of the bp.

if I were you, I would tell her how hurt you were by her comments and see what her response is. Perhaps there's something else going on with her?

I try to give people a second chance to step up. If she can't step up to the plate after that, then it's easier to explain that you tried everything you could and it's just not going to work out for her to be in the bp.

sandelion23 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:15 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Posted by GeorgeGiuliana

Something you have to realize you can't give a bridesmaid the boot and expect to be friends with them ever again. It's a hurtful thing. (

That's what I'm agnozing over- the fact that if i boot her- our friendship will effectively be over.

sandelion23 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:18 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Posted by sarahradio5

You don't say that to someone you love... no matter how mad you are. You can say it upsets you to no end to know that this means the friendship will now be over, but it obviously didn't mean as much to her as it meant to you and it's probably better this way. You apologized to her, and she still chose to drag it out and hurt you - and you just can't get over that.

you summed it up PERFECTLY.
i feel like everyone is expecting me to suck it up and make amends with her. i feel like on my wedding day, i'm going to look over at her and all her hurtful words will come flooding back and i just can't bear that.

GeorgeGiuliana Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:19 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Try to give it a few more days with out talking about it this way you're calm and rational about it. Then talk about your friendship and what happened and how hurt you are. I feel like after that convo you'll know wether or not she should be in it and I think a sane person would know wether or not to back out of it if the friendship isn't their anymore.

sandelion23 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:28 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Posted by GeorgeGiuliana

Try to give it a few more days with out talking about it this way you're calm and rational about it. Then talk about your friendship and what happened and how hurt you are. I feel like after that convo you'll know wether or not she should be in it and I think a sane person would know wether or not to back out of it if the friendship isn't their anymore.

unfortunately it's been 2 weeks already and we need to order the BM dresses so the clock is ticking...

my other BMs are telling me that she doesn't think she went too far because she thinks what she said was 'true' and i wronged her first. this upsets me to no end. so think that a friend would intentionally hurt you because they are mad and feels that anger justifies cruelty.

SunBride07 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:33 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Be honest with her. Tell her that the things she said to you really hurt you and you can't just pretend that it didn't happen and have things go back to normal.

CLMon7906 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:36 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

i'll add my other 2 cents......

FSIL is a BM and last summer she decided to go off on me b/c i caught her LYING and making up some awful crap about me to FH! well, she offered to back out a few months later...I told her that was her choice (i didn't want to look like the b*tch)....well, all this time later, i haven't been able to forgive AND forget her awful, hateful words...and now i'm stuck with her in my BP. ugh. i wish so much that i'd said, please don't be a BM, that would be great!

best of luck to you.

bellaro782 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:40 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

I think you need to pick and choose you battles.. If this was way over the top and you cant wait it out and see how you feel then just let her go and tell her how you feel and kick her out... I mean sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment and not mean it .. I would Tell her how hurt you are and see how you feel after you let it all out. I think maybe if you talk about it with her and tell her how you feel It will all work out...

Mandyin2007 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 11:52 AM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

I think that you really need to have a heart to heart with her and tell her how hurt and offended you were by what she said to you. try to get her to put herself in your shoes. I think you need to be firm in what you tell her and say that right now you don't feel it would be appropriate for her to be in your BP.

and I hope everything works out!!

Tina120206 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 12:01 PM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

I am in the same situation. I had a serious falling out with FSIL, really nasty. I do not feel comfortable having her in my bridal party after the way she treated me. That was the reason behind me having a small bridal party to begin with, I wanted to still be close to those people in my bp years to come looking at the pictures, I don't want them to be of people that are no longer in my life. I have written her out of my life for now, and thus, she will not be part of my bridal party come December. Maybe we can move past it, but I'm hurt and I think I will always hurt from the things she said and did, I can't get over that. Seeing her in my pictures would hurt me, b/c i know she doesn't care about me.

sandelion23 Posted: Jun 08, 2006 02:22 PM

Re: giving a BM the BOOT...

Thank you girls for your comments and support.
I think in my mind our friendship is already beyond repair so I am going to tell her I'm too hurt by her words to bear the thought of her being in my BP. Thanks again.