GM/FBIL predicament -- need opinions! (warning: pretty long, sorry!)

whoa - that's a doozy and not simple. i'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

here is what i would do in your situation. I would tell the brothers that you will pay for their tuxedos as soon as you get the hotel and flight confirmations that they are 100% coming to the wedding. Let them know that you cannot afford to put out this money without a GUARANTEE that they will be there. If you can, reach out to them privately, and let them know what FH said, about his wedding being ruined if they are not there...

hope this helps!!!!

Yea thats a tough one- its hard because you asked them so long ago & they should have been saving- but it sounds like it will break your fh's heart if they are not there. Do you have friends or a relative that they could stay with maybe and if you can do it, maybe pay for their tuxes.

We are in a similar situation- FSIL is in my bridal party with her daughter and between the dress for her & her daughter, and my shower, she cant afford a hotel, so we have to either find a place for her to stay or get her a hotel room & we are paying for fh's neice's dress- and we are definately not in a position to do so- but I felt we had little choice since fh would have been devastated.

sorry this was so long, i hope it helped

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Posted by davenjess

whoa - that's a doozy and not simple. i'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

here is what i would do in your situation. I would tell the brothers that you will pay for their tuxedos as soon as you get the hotel and flight confirmations that they are 100% coming to the wedding. Let them know that you cannot afford to put out this money without a GUARANTEE that they will be there. If you can, reach out to them privately, and let them know what FH said, about his wedding being ruined if they are not there...

hope this helps!!!!

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Great idea!!!

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Posted by davenjess

whoa - that's a doozy and not simple. i'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

here is what i would do in your situation. I would tell the brothers that you will pay for their tuxedos as soon as you get the hotel and flight confirmations that they are 100% coming to the wedding. Let them know that you cannot afford to put out this money without a GUARANTEE that they will be there. If you can, reach out to them privately, and let them know what FH said, about his wedding being ruined if they are not there...

hope this helps!!!!

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Thanks Jess, I really like this idea. I'm going to run it by FH

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Posted by futuremrsfab

Yea thats a tough one- its hard because you asked them so long ago & they should have been saving- but it sounds like it will break your fh's heart if they are not there. Do you have friends or a relative that they could stay with maybe and if you can do it, maybe pay for their tuxes.

We are in a similar situation- FSIL is in my bridal party with her daughter and between the dress for her & her daughter, and my shower, she cant afford a hotel, so we have to either find a place for her to stay or get her a hotel room & we are paying for fh's neice's dress- and we are definately not in a position to do so- but I felt we had little choice since fh would have been devastated.

sorry this was so long, i hope it helped

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Thank you, it did help. I knew there had to be other brides out there with similar situations. We did offer them our place to stay since we'll be staying in the hotel.

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Posted by MikeandJess

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Posted by davenjess

whoa - that's a doozy and not simple. i'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

here is what i would do in your situation. I would tell the brothers that you will pay for their tuxedos as soon as you get the hotel and flight confirmations that they are 100% coming to the wedding. Let them know that you cannot afford to put out this money without a GUARANTEE that they will be there. If you can, reach out to them privately, and let them know what FH said, about his wedding being ruined if they are not there...

hope this helps!!!!

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Thanks Jess, I really like this idea. I'm going to run it by FH

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I'm happy it helped! Just make sure you get some kind of 'official' confirmation - not something they could make up on their own. I'm not saying they would, but i do know some people who would....

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Posted by davenjess

whoa - that's a doozy and not simple. i'm very sorry that you have to deal with this.

here is what i would do in your situation. I would tell the brothers that you will pay for their tuxedos as soon as you get the hotel and flight confirmations that they are 100% coming to the wedding. Let them know that you cannot afford to put out this money without a GUARANTEE that they will be there. If you can, reach out to them privately, and let them know what FH said, about his wedding being ruined if they are not there...

hope this helps!!!!

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wow jess Im sorry your going through this..this is such a tough situation ..I agree with davenjess! I would get a guarentee that they are definately coming and then pay for the tuxes..maybe they can at least contribute also..say give you half..I think being in a bp in itself is a big responsibility ..I don't understand how people don't ever think of the financial aspect of it..they should have really been saving..I know how you feel though..one of my bm's is being super cheap and complaining about everything (shower, bparty, you name it..she has an issue) and what makes me mad is the fact that I asked her before i put her in the bp if money would be an issue for her..she said no way and she had 2 years to save..i don't understand what the problem is

Ok them being 21 and 23 they are still young and are prob not going to take this seriously. Does FH have any relatives where his brothers can stay? Do you think they will be able to afford hotel stay? They can also take a grey hound or Amtrak to get to NY if plane tix are too expensive. Give these suggestions to FH and see what he says. I also agree with the other bride about them giving you a confirmation before you pay for their tux's...good luck!

I agree - if it means that much to your FH, pay for the tuxes and let them crash at your place ONLY if you have some sort of confirmation that their flights are booked.
You do have to compromise but at the same time, considering the 'history' with these two, you don't want to make it a regular habit of bailing them out all the time - you're getting married and you'll have a home together and eventually children and you can't be dealing with this. Mentally or $$$$.

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Posted by davenjess

I'm happy it helped! Just make sure you get some kind of 'official' confirmation - not something they could make up on their own. I'm not saying they would, but i do know some people who would....

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I ran it by him (he's on the next couch so it wasn't too hard) and he actually said that he doesn't want to bail them out that easily so I'm not sure what he has in mind but I have a feeling it doesn't involve a Plan B. Thanks for the advice jess, I really appreciate it.

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Posted by Sharron70

I agree - if it means that much to your FH, pay for the tuxes and let them crash at your place ONLY if you have some sort of confirmation that their flights are booked.
You do have to compromise but at the same time, considering the 'history' with these two, you don't want to make it a regular habit of bailing them out all the time - you're getting married and you'll have a home together and eventually children and you can't be dealing with this. Mentally or $$$$.

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Thanks! I have thought about this, it'll continue for the rest of our/their lives. Poor FH, he's such a sucker for family

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Posted by FutureMrsJ08

Ok them being 21 and 23 they are still young and are prob not going to take this seriously. Does FH have any relatives where his brothers can stay? Do you think they will be able to afford hotel stay? They can also take a grey hound or Amtrak to get to NY if plane tix are too expensive. Give these suggestions to FH and see what he says. I also agree with the other bride about them giving you a confirmation before you pay for their tux's...good luck!

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They definitely don't take it seriously. They who always cry poverty seem to scrounge together enough pennies to bring 24 packs of beer to every event.

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Posted by Bride 2 Be

wow jess Im sorry your going through this..this is such a tough situation ..I agree with davenjess! I would get a guarentee that they are definately coming and then pay for the tuxes..maybe they can at least contribute also..say give you half..I think being in a bp in itself is a big responsibility ..I don't understand how people don't ever think of the financial aspect of it..they should have really been saving..I know how you feel though..one of my bm's is being super cheap and complaining about everything (shower, bparty, you name it..she has an issue) and what makes me mad is the fact that I asked her before i put her in the bp if money would be an issue for her..she said no way and she had 2 years to save..i don't understand what the problem is

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Thanks Kristen. That's really crappy of your bm. I don't understand some people? Why accept if they can't afford it??

Look on the bright side.. FH will be happy that his brothers are with him. It is obvisouly important to him.
I would say that you need to get some kind of flight schedule and then order tuxes. Let FH know that you as a couple can not spend your lives bailing out his brothers though.. it will have to end after this.