Groomsman Issues

TheLadyJ Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:35 AM

Groomsman Issues

Fh asked his BIL to be his groomsman. I have never much cared for him, but since he was family there was an obligation.

This person is now telling FH that he doesn't like me and I shouln't be a part of the family. He's actually encouraging him to end it.

So, I think Fh should ask him to step down. How can he have a groomsman that sends him texts messages with nasty comments about me?

I just found this out, actually. I couldn't find my phone and picked up FH's phone to call mine. I was like 'hey, you have texts you haven't read' and I looked to see what they were. Most of them were from his BIL saying terrible things. Not all of them were about me. Apparently FH's sister is mad at him and rather than tell him herself, she has her husband do her dirty work.

At this point, I don't even want this person at the wedding, let alone standing beside FH as we recite our vows.

Fh says it will all blow over. That he doesn't mean it. That they are stressed and it will work itself out.

but I don't care. I feel like nothing gives him the right to butt into our relationship like that. And if he disapproves of me so much, he shouldn't be invited to the wedding.

Thoughts on how to handle this?

angel1219eyez Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:40 AM

Re: Groomsman Issues

wow this is a very sticky situation and im realyl sorry you ahve to deal with this...your prob stressed out as it is just planning the wedding you shouldnt have to deal with this...what if maybe you try and talk to his BIL and tell him to be honest with you and find out what his problem is and also talk to his sister and see what her issue is....i know its hard to do but believe it or not my fam did have a problem with FH when we first met and after they talked it out everything was fine...as hard as it will be to look at him after you read those nasty things i think the best thing to do is talk to him and tell him to tell you what his prob is and hopefully things will work out....good luck!

TheLadyJ Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:46 AM

Re: Groomsman Issues

Yeah but Fh asked me not get involved. He says they are really mad at him and I am just getting thrown into it as well. And if I do something like confront them it will turn into this big whole drama thing. He believes they are just saying things to be mean and try and get a reaction out of him.

It really doesn't help that he is basically ignoring all of the texts.

But I was totally floored. I mean, I never really got along well with his BIL, but we always at least managed to be civil. And to see him say that I was too demanding and controlling and FH should 'grow a pair and put me in my place'...I was like 'W T F is he going on about.'

StaceyWill Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:55 AM

Re: Groomsman Issues

Wow!! how shocking and disappointing...My advice would be to let it go FOR NOW...But if in like a month or so it doesn't get better, talk to them...I mean, they're gonna be in your life the rest of your life, so you wanna try to resolve as many issues as you can...

FutureMrsSoltan Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:58 AM

Re: Groomsman Issues

Why all of a sudden does his BIL not like you?? I would want FH to say something. I agree with you that I wouldnt want him standing up there at my wedding when he doesnt have anything nice to say about me.

angel1219eyez Posted: Jun 04, 2009 11:59 AM

Re: Groomsman Issues

Posted by Staceyh

Wow!! how shocking and disappointing...My advice would be to let it go FOR NOW...But if in like a month or so it doesn't get better, talk to them...I mean, they're gonna be in your life the rest of your life, so you wanna try to resolve as many issues as you can...

ITA

TheLadyJ Posted: Jun 04, 2009 12:06 PM

Re: Groomsman Issues

Fh doesn't really like his sister and doesn't play into her drama. Which is why I never understood why he asked his BIL to be his groomsman.

So, he just ignores the texts he gets (which is why he had 8 or 9 unread ones) because he doesn't want to deal with it. He says what his BIL thinks is of no concern to him.

That's fine. If he doesn't want to deal with it, then he should tell his BIL that his services are no longer needed. I don't understand how he can have this person as a groomsman and then say his opinion doesn't matter.

See, I would love to deal with it and figure out where the problem is. But FH doesn't really like to deal with these things. He is perfectly fine ignoring it all. And that is what drives me nuts. I'm more pro-active and he is a pacifist.

MikesBride2B Posted: Jun 04, 2009 12:09 PM

Re: Groomsman Issues

ITA that he should ask him to step down if this continues...your BP is supposed to be in full support of your marriage.

JAAMS Posted: Jun 04, 2009 12:14 PM

Re: Groomsman Issues

ITA with everyone who said to see if it cools down, and then if it doesn't, try your best to get him OUT of the BP. People who act like that shouldn't get to be there!