groomsman/reader just backed out on FH

I am SO pissed. My FH is from New Mexico, so a lot of his old friends are still from around there. He has lots of new friends around here, and his best man and one of his groomsmen are from that group. But shortly after we got engaged he asked one of his old friends from New Mexico to be a groomsman and to do a special reading. He said yes, he'd be honored, yada yada yada.

Recently there has been grumblings that he was having trouble financially. When we discussed the tuxes, we ended up offering to pay for his tux to defer costs. We just wanted him to be part of the wedding. Whatever it takes it takes.

Then Sunday, as he is chatting with FH, he mentions how bad things are financially. FH asks if he'll still be able to swing coming in for the wedding. His friend says he'll have to see what the bank account says in a week.

FH thinks that was his way of letting him down easy. So FH calls him today to tell him that he's really disappointed, but understands that he can't make the trip.

Not for nothing but we've been engaged since March, 2003. He had all that time to save his pennies for the plane trip.

*sigh!* I am so dissappointed and pissed at this guy for doing this to my FH.

Thanks for listening girls. I needed to vent. I feel better now and can be much calmer around FH as to not upset him more.

im sorry to hear that.. is FH OK??


jenn

He's just really disappointed. It seems we always go to New Mexico to visit these people, and none of them except his Mom ever make the effort to come to New York to visit us.

Last August in the middle of our house closing we picked up to go to his other friends wedding. We invited that bride and groom plus their family -- 6 total. Over the course of the past few months, that 6 has gone from 6, to 4, to 2, to a big fat zero.

Add this issue to that, and my FH is just royally bummed!

Plus we had already picked out this guys groomsman gift and had it engraved. It wasn't that much money, but we wish the guy had told us months ago. Instead of 75 days from the wedding day!

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Posted by bluetank

Well what he did was wrong. He should have been saving this whole time knowing that the wedidng was in a few months. He still has time. Is he sure he cant do it? It is wrong but try to remember that you dont really know how bad his financial situation might be. He really might be living paycheck to paycheck right now. I know that doesnt help matters right now, but it does give you some time to maybe make other arrangements. Is this definite or is he still going to let you know. I know this isnt what you needed with all the other stress, but how does FH feel? Is he mad or disppointed?

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The thing is I've always been very aware of his financial situation. He makes no bones about it. But he said its far enough away for him to make arrangements. He never even considered coming solo without his wife to help save costs.

FH is disappointed. I wish he were mad instead. I think that would be healthier.

It's not too late to ask someone else. And FH has someone in mind, but I hate that the person will know he was asked last minute as a replacement.