Guest List Advice/Vent

My father is one of nine and my mother is one of five, so there are 31 cousins in my family. I'm not particularly close with most of them and there's a lot of historical drama there, so I only invited 6 of them to the wedding which my parents are fully supportive of. Actually, they sort of pushed it! As my wedding date approaches I'm starting to feel more and more guilty about not inviting the rest of them, but we're talking 40 additional guests including husbands, wives, guests ... What makes this worse is that FMIL keeps adding guests out of 'obligation' which I normally never care about, but now with my already existing guilt it's making me feel worse.

I'm told my hall can hold 200, but I think that will be tight. Right now my list is at 190, adding these cousins will bring it to 230. Most of those original 190 already received STDs, so cutting them is not really an option. And besides space, now we're talking several thousand extra dollars! I'm not even sure what advice anyone can give, and I don't know what I want to hear! What would you ladies do if you were in my situation?

I guess because your hall cant hold the extra people, I would keep things the way they are now.
How close are YOU to the cousins now?

I have family that I havent seen in years and I wouldnt even think about inviting them...
if I havent seen or gotten a Christmas card from them in the last couple of years.. they are out..LOL!!

I had similar issues with my family, although it is not quite as large... I invited the ones I wanted to have there. I think the best advice I've gotten on this topic is not to use the wedding as a way to get back in touch with long lost relatives or friends. Doubly so since they have drama and such you're most likely just better off not inviting them. Although be prepared to put up with a call or two from them once word gets around that you're getting married.

HTH

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Posted by SherinJeff

I have family that I havent seen in years and I wouldnt even think about inviting them...
if I havent seen or gotten a Christmas card from them in the last couple of years.. they are out..LOL!!

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Ha, that's what I went with originally, I'm just feeling guilty now! Some I haven't talked to in years, and I haven't received any cards or congratulations from any of them! I think I just need to get over my guilty feelings. It pops up whenever FMIL tries to add new guests because of her 'social obligations.'

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Posted by DSaug07

I had similar issues with my family, although it is not quite as large... I invited the ones I wanted to have there. I think the best advice I've gotten on this topic is not to use the wedding as a way to get back in touch with long lost relatives or friends. Doubly so since they have drama and such you're most likely just better off not inviting them. Although be prepared to put up with a call or two from them once word gets around that you're getting married.

HTH

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That is great advice! It's funny because I'm not even worried about them getting angry, I'm making myself feel guilty!

Thanks ladies!

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Posted by LB and DC

lol... that's actually how i cut down the guest list!! if i had them on there ONLY because i would feel guilty for not inviting them, and NOT because i actually wanted them there, off they went!!

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Usually I'm perfectly content with this reasoning - I don't know why I've been off this week! But you ladies are definitely making me feel better. Thanks!

let it go. You can't invite everyone. That's it. Don't worry about it. You can only do so much.

good luck!

You can't invite everyone, and this wedding is not a time for family reunions.
I've cut some old family friends from my list because we don't keep contact anymore. I convinced FH to do the same with his list. Unfortunately there will be family from his side that I will be meeting for the first time ! on my wedding day.
As for FMIL, tell her that the list is at capacity and that no more names can be added. Where was she when the list was originally being put together ?

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Posted by iamvocal72

let it go. You can't invite everyone. That's it. Don't worry about it. You can only do so much.

good luck!

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Ha, I always love your posts - so to the point. You're right, I'm just having a tough time lately letting it go. Saying it out loud and seeing it written down is at least helping me.

Thanks!

Funny you posted this today, I was going to post a very similar vent. I have similar problem with extended family. FH and I decided we're not inviting our parents cousins...just a few of the aunts/uncles that we know well. Both our parents are fine with that decision, but FH's aunt keeps making comments about us not inviting the cousins on their side. Um, hello, do you want to pay for them? Then I find out that the cousins (whom most of them I never met and FH hardly sees) think they're invited to the wedding. FH says he's not going to worry about it, but I feel bad/guilty.
But it would be like an extra 50 people if we start adding 2nd cousins...that would be at least another 6-7K that we don't have.

I think you should stand your ground..I plan to, too, as hard as it may be. I really want our wedding to be with the people we're closest to.

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Posted by SusiBtoM

Where was she when the list was originally being put together ?

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Oh, she was there, and still apparently a little unhappy that we capped her list. I tried to enforce that this is only to be close family and friends, but she doesn't seem to agree or want to stick to that. I've said no plenty of times that I'm just worn out. If we didn't cap it our list would be between 300-400 easily. She's very into social obligations.

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Posted by magbride

Funny you posted this today, I was going to post a very similar vent. I have similar problem with extended family. FH and I decided we're not inviting our parents cousins...just a few of the aunts/uncles that we know well. Both our parents are fine with that decision, but FH's aunt keeps making comments about us not inviting the cousins on their side. Um, hello, do you want to pay for them? Then I find out that the cousins (whom most of them I never met and FH hardly sees) think they're invited to the wedding. FH says he's not going to worry about it, but I feel bad/guilty.
But it would be like an extra 50 people if we start adding 2nd cousins...that would be at least another 6-7K that we don't have.

I think you should stand your ground..I plan to, too, as hard as it may be. I really want our wedding to be with the people we're closest to.

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Sorry you're going through this too! I just hate feeling guilty, but I'm trying to hold my ground. Good luck!!!

Girl I have the same problem... I have a lot of cousins but there is family drama that goes back to the stone age and my hall can only hold so many. My family is supportive and like what you had siad they pushed it as far as not inviting them because we hardly see them we are not close and again the hall can;t hold that many people. yeah i feel bad but it makes sense if I saw them more than i would invite them but what can you do. Keep your head up, everything will work out!!!

Don't feel guilty, I didn't invite first cousins that I am not close to. I did invite second and third that I am close with. I did not invite step siblings at all. I am not that close with them, we were all adults at the time. Do you want people to walk away from your wedding saying, OMG do you think they could fit any more people in there?!?!?! NO! You know in your heart that you don't want these people there, don't invite them. Always go with your gut. And tell FMIL, no more!!! GL with everything!!!