Guest List Dilemma - am I a meanie? (Longgggg)
OK so FH and I finalized our guest list back when ordering the invites and felt we had everything under control with it. And last week the invites came, and we stuffed them, and we should be sending them out this week.
OK so this next part might get confusing. Our invites are not even out yet, and FH's mom mentions to me today how her sister and sister's husband (FH's aunt and uncle) from Ireland are coming and bringing their 14 year old daughter (FH's cousin). Then FH's mom asks me if it'd be ok if one of FH's cousins from here in the United States brings her daughter who is close in age to the Ireland girl. Even though we were not inviting any cousin's kids because we needed to draw a line somewhere with our list, I figure ok why not, she really just wants to keep the 14 year old company, and it'd just be 1 extra person. But then she mentions how she wants to know if another cousin from here in the US can bring her son, who is close in age to the Ireland girl too. The reasoning was she did not want this cousin to feel slighted if they told the other cousin their kid could come. They thought oh maybe so and so will get insulted if she's not allowed to bring one of her kids.
This really started to bother me because it's 2 additional people. She did offer to pay for them, but it's not so much the money that is the point. We already have such a large guest list (280 people), and we've really been trying to scale it down. I feel that if we cave and invite these 2 additional kids, we might run into more problems where all of a sudden we're adding people thinking oh it's just 1 more person. Before you know it - you're adding a ton more people. Also, I don't see how we can justify to the other cousins why we're just letting these 2 cousins bring their kids, but the other cousins cannot bring their kids. We basically drew our line by inviting immediate family, and then for our extended family it was aunts, uncles and first cousins. We definitely did not want to get into inviting any first cousins' kids. If we let his cousins bring all their kids - it'd be OUT OF CONTROL!!!
FH's mom and dad kept saying how these kids have never been to a wedding before, and how they'd be so excited to go. And FH's mom was trying to say how one of the cousin's kids is 14 but she looks like she's 16. I kept trying to explain to them how we don't have a problem with anyone's age. We didn't say no kids (my nieces and his nephews who are under the age of 10 will all be there). Our thing is that we feel it could cause a lot of grief for us if we let his 2 United States cousins bring their kids to keep the Ireland girl company. Cause the other cousins might be like why can they bring their kids but we can't bring ours.
Another thing that doesn't make sense is these 2 US cousins have other kids. So how do they just bring 1 of their kids and not the others?
At first I was ok with the female cousin coming to keep the Ireland girl company because they're the same age, and I feel like we could explain that more to people, and if it's one, it's not so bad. But why another cousin's son would have to come really makes me confused. FH's dad kept being like well aren't you inviting your cousins who are young - and I was like yes because they are my first cousins. I'm not inviting any cousins' kids, and that's what I kept trying to explain. But I don't think they're understanding us. I think they just keep thinking we don't want kids. And he was like oh so you're making an exception for the Ireland cousin? I was like no, she is FH's first cousin, of course she is invited. It's just that we don't want the first COUSINS bringing THEIR kids.
FH agreed with me and said he really doesn't want his cousin's kids coming and told his mom this. But I think his family thinks it's more coming from me. FH even said how he could see his mom turning around and telling the cousins to just bring all their kids if it makes it easier for them - she just can't say no, and she'll just tell people it's totally ok.
We left off where FH's mom said ok let's just forget about it, we won't invite those kids, but I feel like it's one of those 'ok I'm saying we'll forget about it, but I'm really upset about this whole thing.' FH's mom is a total sweetheart, so I don't think she was trying be conniving or anything throughout this. I think she just thought it was a genuinely good idea.
Why does the 14 year old Ireland girl even need company? She'll be there with her parents and a bunch of relatives. And my cousins are 12 and 13, so she could hang with them if she wanted, and then we do have our nieces and nephews who will be there, who she could sort of watch over if she got bored. It's not like she'll be the youngest person there.
I guess basically we're worried that if we make an exception for these 2, we're going to be opening a whole can of worms. I feel like we might need to re-address this situation with FH's family and just really come to a firm solid conclusion. What's the best way to handle this? Am I being too extreme?
OK so this next part might get confusing. Our invites are not even out yet, and FH's mom mentions to me today how her sister and sister's husband (FH's aunt and uncle) from Ireland are coming and bringing their 14 year old daughter (FH's cousin). Then FH's mom asks me if it'd be ok if one of FH's cousins from here in the United States brings her daughter who is close in age to the Ireland girl. Even though we were not inviting any cousin's kids because we needed to draw a line somewhere with our list, I figure ok why not, she really just wants to keep the 14 year old company, and it'd just be 1 extra person. But then she mentions how she wants to know if another cousin from here in the US can bring her son, who is close in age to the Ireland girl too. The reasoning was she did not want this cousin to feel slighted if they told the other cousin their kid could come. They thought oh maybe so and so will get insulted if she's not allowed to bring one of her kids.
This really started to bother me because it's 2 additional people. She did offer to pay for them, but it's not so much the money that is the point. We already have such a large guest list (280 people), and we've really been trying to scale it down. I feel that if we cave and invite these 2 additional kids, we might run into more problems where all of a sudden we're adding people thinking oh it's just 1 more person. Before you know it - you're adding a ton more people. Also, I don't see how we can justify to the other cousins why we're just letting these 2 cousins bring their kids, but the other cousins cannot bring their kids. We basically drew our line by inviting immediate family, and then for our extended family it was aunts, uncles and first cousins. We definitely did not want to get into inviting any first cousins' kids. If we let his cousins bring all their kids - it'd be OUT OF CONTROL!!!
FH's mom and dad kept saying how these kids have never been to a wedding before, and how they'd be so excited to go. And FH's mom was trying to say how one of the cousin's kids is 14 but she looks like she's 16. I kept trying to explain to them how we don't have a problem with anyone's age. We didn't say no kids (my nieces and his nephews who are under the age of 10 will all be there). Our thing is that we feel it could cause a lot of grief for us if we let his 2 United States cousins bring their kids to keep the Ireland girl company. Cause the other cousins might be like why can they bring their kids but we can't bring ours.
Another thing that doesn't make sense is these 2 US cousins have other kids. So how do they just bring 1 of their kids and not the others?
At first I was ok with the female cousin coming to keep the Ireland girl company because they're the same age, and I feel like we could explain that more to people, and if it's one, it's not so bad. But why another cousin's son would have to come really makes me confused. FH's dad kept being like well aren't you inviting your cousins who are young - and I was like yes because they are my first cousins. I'm not inviting any cousins' kids, and that's what I kept trying to explain. But I don't think they're understanding us. I think they just keep thinking we don't want kids. And he was like oh so you're making an exception for the Ireland cousin? I was like no, she is FH's first cousin, of course she is invited. It's just that we don't want the first COUSINS bringing THEIR kids.
FH agreed with me and said he really doesn't want his cousin's kids coming and told his mom this. But I think his family thinks it's more coming from me. FH even said how he could see his mom turning around and telling the cousins to just bring all their kids if it makes it easier for them - she just can't say no, and she'll just tell people it's totally ok.
We left off where FH's mom said ok let's just forget about it, we won't invite those kids, but I feel like it's one of those 'ok I'm saying we'll forget about it, but I'm really upset about this whole thing.' FH's mom is a total sweetheart, so I don't think she was trying be conniving or anything throughout this. I think she just thought it was a genuinely good idea.
Why does the 14 year old Ireland girl even need company? She'll be there with her parents and a bunch of relatives. And my cousins are 12 and 13, so she could hang with them if she wanted, and then we do have our nieces and nephews who will be there, who she could sort of watch over if she got bored. It's not like she'll be the youngest person there.
I guess basically we're worried that if we make an exception for these 2, we're going to be opening a whole can of worms. I feel like we might need to re-address this situation with FH's family and just really come to a firm solid conclusion. What's the best way to handle this? Am I being too extreme?
