So we told FH's family and my family 90 guests each (it was originally 75). So the FILs finally sat down to work on their list yesterday (I had created a basic list for them of people to help push the process along). Their list was at 104 and they cut about 10 (pretty much all the & Guests) and added 10 - so it is still at 104. But they told FH they would pay for the extras (after months of exasperation). Long story short, they cut out FH's 1st cousin and her husband. But that cousins siblings are both invited, all the other 1st cousins on that side are invited, all the aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles are ALL invited. I kind of feel like that is rude (mind you I have never met this cousin). FH said it was because his mom had never even met that cousin (umm...kind of like how I never met 1/2 their list). Should I just leave it? SHould I tell them that I think that is rude? Should I suck it up and add them and pay myself. UGH - I just don't want my wedding to be the vehicle for rudeness.
Thoughts?
beautyq115
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
If they are going to cut someone...don't make it be someone whose entire family is going! That is rude!
BlueTulip
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
Posted by beautyq115
If they are going to cut someone...don't make it be someone whose entire family is going! That is rude!
Yeah, I agree. I would nicely point out to them (rather, have FH point out to them) that it would seem like an obvious slight. You would probably end up offending those from that family that are invited.
SuzBride
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
Yeah I really feel like we should invite them - if only because that is just so rude. I told FH that last night and he was all 'it was my mom's decision' (it is her side). Guest list is NO FUN
MissingTheBGene
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
I agree, that's rude. I think it's your FH's place to tell them, and in all honesty, if they offered to pay for their overage, they should pay for them too, not you. But again, I know things are not as cut and dry as that. Good luck, i hope it works out!
BlueTulip
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
Posted by SuzBride
Yeah I really feel like we should invite them - if only because that is just so rude. I told FH that last night and he was all 'it was my mom's decision' (it is her side). Guest list is NO FUN
It's your wedding so it's not just their decision. Also, are they paying for all of their guests or just the extras? If they are just paying for the extras, I don't think they can complain about paying for two additional people. If they are paying for all of their guests I would ask them to invite all members of that family or none. Good luck!
Kerrycec
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
honestly, Sue add them back in and let his family pay for the extras. I do feel this cousin should be invited, and his family is starting to work with you guys, so I wouldn't worry about it
SuzBride
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
You guys are all right. OK I didn't want to be pushy and like 'force' them to invite someone they don't want to, but it isn't as though they had a falling out with these cousins. I am going to broach the subject tonight with FH - hopefully they will add them back on and supply me with an address/last name! Of all the guests they could have cut, I was shocked when it was a 1st cousin (meanwhile FFIL's sister's husband's sister and husband made the cut )
ChrissynRicky
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
In all honesty, I think it's rude and inappropriate. However, it's their family and their guestlist, so fingers would never be pointed at you. I would pick and choose the battles, and let them be the deciding factor on finalized guests and who they cut. IMHO - it's not your concern.
kimbermiller
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
I kinda agree with Christine. I mean, if you've never met the person, and they cut them out for whatever reason, I would just let FH's mom decide. It's her that will have to explain if feelings are hurt.
JandJ1224
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
I really think that wouldn't be nice, how would you feel if all of your siblings other cousins were invited and you weren't. If they really aren't close as FMIL said then they probably wouldn't even go anyway.
SuzBride
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
I'm getting a migrane over this - and this is someone I never met. I honestly don't think they will come - so it will just be the cost of the invite and the stamp. I know I can't count on that but I am 98% certain. Maybe I will have FH just mention in passing, like 'Are you sure you want to cut out Nicole and fam - are you sure she won't be offended?' or something.
ChrissynRicky
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
Posted by SuzBride
I'm getting a migrane over this - and this is someone I never met. I honestly don't think they will come - so it will just be the cost of the invite and the stamp. I know I can't count on that but I am 98% certain. Maybe I will have FH just mention in passing, like 'Are you sure you want to cut out Nicole and fam - are you sure she won't be offended?' or something.
You're upset about it b/c it's something you wouldn't do, and you're a good person through and through. Honestly, I would let it go and let his family deal with it. It might come off a little 'bridezilla' or controling to make suggestions to their guestlist. I didn't agree with many guests FI's family included or didn't include, but I ignored it and focused on my own family and such. Who knows, the mother might have had conflict with this cousin (that she's never met) and took her off for a reason.
Preshy7
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
just leave it- let them worry about it you wont come off rude- your fmil will
honestly, my wedding is such a vehicle for rudeness...we didnt invite who we wanted originally because of fmil list being HUGE- and now we are inviting them late- which i feel so bad about..
dont worry about her list at all
ali120206
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Re: Guest List Dilemma - Thoughts (little long)
If it's stressing you out to the point of a migraine, I'd just invite them. Like you said, they probably won't come. If you are inviting everyone else, it makes total sense.
We decided that if we're inviting one, we're inviting all (and so did our parents). We both have cousin's getting married within a few months of us and they divided up families.
