Guest List Drama....once again! Round Four!

Ok girls, you have been so helpful and responsive with my 'drama' in the past re. inviting guests to both the e-party and the wedding party. A brief recap: FH and I got in a HUGE fight last week when i told him he had to cut his wedding list down from 120 to 100!!!! (Keep in mind i'm inviting 50!) You would've thought I slugged him in the face - he said there is NO WAY he can cut his list down, he's been in so many weddings, has so many close friends, blah blah blah....well that fight is unresolved, and my parents vow to help me win it (UM< YES THEY ARE PAYING FOR IT!) but now we have e-party issues. My parents want to invite a max of 80 ppl., and once again my FH has GONE OVERBOARD with his invite list. So far he is inviting 22 people, and I am inviting 24. Isn't this about the bride and her parents??? He is inviting ppl. that are close to him, yes - but why can't he make the cut? Did anyone else have this problem? My mom was figuring he'd invite around 10 and is annoyed that he thinks he can invite all these people.

Basically whenever FH and I fight about wedding s&it it's always over GUEST LISTS and it leaves such a bad taste in my mouth. Does anyone else have this drama? Does someone think me/my mom are crazy or is FH the one gone mad?

You know what, you're right. I think I'm getting a lot of mixed messages from my mom. She wants this to be all about her friends, and me - his parents are throwing an e-party for us in OHIO, so she's like 'why can't he just invite his friends to that one?' But that's insane b/c they're not going to fly to OH for a freaking brunch!

I'm stuck b/c I want to always agree with my mom, but lately she's been getting annoyed at FH and has her own ideas of what things should like and maybe she isn't being 100% fair to his needs either. I love my mom to death - she's my best friend, but sometimes she gets over-possessive of me. I spend every single holiday with her (so does FH) but the one time I go to his house for thanksgiving she FLIPS out.

OY this growing up thing is TOUGH.

To be honest you and your FH has to stick together, planning this wedding is your first steps into matrimony and you don't want it to be a bad start. You need to sit down and talk to your mom and tell her this is your and your FH wedding and that both sides feelings needed to be taken into consideration. This e-party and wedding is not about your mom and her friends it is about you and your FH. Also since his family are out of town you have to realize to him his friends are his family here, and he wants everyone close to him to celebrate in his excitement.

Bridget

Our numbers sound so similar, queensbride!!!! Ugh I could strangle his mother's neck at times b/c I'm imagining what is going on during calls I am not apart of. I'm sure she's like, 'INVITE WHO YOU WANT!' to him MEANWHILE they are from a small mining town and have NO idea how much are wedding is costing in NYC! IT's not about money - it's about respect. This is not the 'FH SHOW.' this is about the two of you on THE most special day of your life.

My side is inviting is 100
His side is inviting 160

Yes they are offering to pay - that's not the point! I want to know EVERY SINGLE person that's in the room! My parents will let us invite 240 MAX and that is IT!

When the offer to pay for something is extended, there should be reasonable limits. Think of it this way, if you give a gift $$$, do you tell the person you gave the $$ to how to spend it? The money is a gift, not a license to control everything. If they think that way, then I say keep the $$$. IMO

The E-party is about both of you...it should be equal as possible. I hope everything works out. Sending

OMG....You sound just like me.

My side is inviting 6...including my parents!!!!!
(I have next to no family)

His side makes up the rest of the 160 people on our guest list.

I used to yell at hiim that if his parents invite their friends and I have 'strangers' at my wedding (ie people who i have never met) I would call it off.

I realize now that those so called strangers are people he knows and if he wants them there its because they are important to him and it is a chance for me to meet people who will be in our lives from that point on.


Marriage is all about compromise. but not necessarily about having everything equal (cause sometime it just cant be)

I think you should let him make the call as to who is important enough to him that he wants at the wedding/e-party. If it is more that what your parents are willing to pay for then tell him he or his parents should contribute more.

When FI said he didn't want cousins coming (I am close with mine, he is not) I said I will pay for the whole wedding. And I did. He paid for the honeymoon. Worked great. Of course that isn't an option for everyone, but it is his day too. BUT -- you and he should decide together what you want to do, THEN speak with your mom.

As my sis said, marriage is never 50/50. It is always 100/100.

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Posted by Karacg

As my sis said, marriage is never 50/50. It is always 100/100.

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Excellent point

I guess I can see this from his perspective becasue my side was the one with a lot more guests...When we were doing the seating chart, we tried to make one side for the bride and one for the groom, but my side spilled over to his.....
The way we handled the guest list? We chickened out compltetely....we invited pretty much everyone who was on the guest list...I think we cut 6 people....but all for good personal reasons .
There is enough stress in this wedding planning process that we didn't want to cause more with the guest list.....remember, weddings are a time of celebration....sharing your love with everyone who is important in your life......and if they are willing to pay for the extra guests...the more the merrier!!

One way to cut down the e-party list though would be to keep to only family and bridal party....that might keep it under control.

good luck!
and remember, that both of you are starting a new life together......

Reading this thread has put tears in my eyes and made me see the bigger picture. What I would do with LIW i have absolutely no idea. These are things I do not want to discuss with my friends (they're biased, I don't want their advice all the time either!)

I spoke with my mom and told her the e-party IS about us and it SHOULD be 50/50 in terms of invitations, and.............she actually completely agreed. Now I have to get myself out of the doghouse with FH after yelling at him this morning that he is trying to produce the freaking 'FH SHOW.'

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Posted by FunBride

Reading this thread has put tears in my eyes and made me see the bigger picture. What I would do with LIW i have absolutely no idea. These are things I do not want to discuss with my friends (they're biased, I don't want their advice all the time either!)

I spoke with my mom and told her the e-party IS about us and it SHOULD be 50/50 in terms of invitations, and.............she actually completely agreed. Now I have to get myself out of the doghouse with FH after yelling at him this morning that he is trying to produce the freaking 'FH SHOW.'

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Your FH will understand!!!
This is your first time doing this - mistakes are going to be made......by both of you!!!
I like the FH SHow idea though

I agree that you're not going to tell him 'i'm inviting 90 people and you can invite 10 b/c MY parents are paying' - BUT, if your parents are telling you that the guest list for the wedding has to be cut down, - then it has to be cut down. end of story.
Unless you and FH are willing to help your parents pay for the extra people ..........He can't sit there and tell you there's NO WAY these people can be cut from the list. - If your parents can afford to pay for X amount- that all that can come . you know ??