Guest List issues... Parents just don't understand

So I am sitting in this Friday evening because I was gathering the guest list between all sides of our families....I've been asking for this for the last two months, but finally this week most of our parents (we have a few....both kids of divorce ) came up with their lists. Great...

Well fast forward to me doing the spreadsheet and getting the total guests and I almost fell over.... How can we know this many people?

And then I think... Oh, thats right, WE DON'T! Our parents do...and they can't invite the world. I express my concern to my mother and she says, and I quote:
'Well dear, you do have quite a few friends on this list.... do you really need them there?'.....

To which I calmly replied:
'Yes mom, I do. OUR friends together only total about 40 people'

So I went through the list, carefully with her.. and noticed that she had invited 16 of her THIRD cousins.... third?! They are a necessity? She won't budge. Ladies, I don't even know these people. She thinks we invited too many friends (40! come on woman!) and she's got relatives coming who I have never met a day in my life, and who wouldn't even recognize my name probably if they did receive an invite.. which they aren't!

Not to mention that it is our wedding, not hers, and if we want to have a few friends there we are entitled.

And they say Brides are bad? Watch out.. Momzilla's on the loose!

You are absolutely entitled to have 40 of the guests be your friends! If guests need to be cut they should not be cut off of your list. My rule is that I don't want to meet anyone for the first time at my wedding. If FH or I have never met them, they are not invited. This sound kind of bridezilla like but I don't care.

Is your mom paying for it? If not, she should really cut out the third cousins. What about the other parents? Can they cut out people too?

Honestly, it's only my mother who is giving me this problem. No one else even considered inviting people who we don't know. But for some reason, she feels she's entitled... well so am I.. hello? FH and I are the one's getting married, not her.

And yes, she is contributing... but everyone is pitching in, so she doesn't get special priviledges. I know it sounds harsh, but this thing is making me nuts and so stressed. The politics of trying to not step on anyones toes with as many parents as we have is hard. I've learned to sing and dance like a pro!

well i think that you need to tell your mother that it is no offense to her but it is YOUR big day and her list needs to go down because you wont invite everyone she asked to be invited, i dont want to sound harsh at all, but its your day and you dont need the extra stress!
what me and my FH did/are doing is we gave each of our parents a number of people they can invite, since we are paying for the wedding almost completely ourselves we said EACH parent gets 5 couples/10 people total this works out to like 40 people...since i am inviting all the family it is basically their friends, and no offense to them but their friends arent my friends and im not a millionaire smile and dont get stressed itll all work out just stick to what you want!

If you put to her in terms of money, do you think that would get the point across? Unfortunately, I've reached a point where people are an expense and when my mother talked about random family members that I hadn't met, I asked her if she was willing to spend x amount on people she never sees and won't see again for a long time.

If she wants all of these guests, is she willing to cover that expense on top of her contribution? Do you think that tactic might work in getting her to cut down her list???

My future IL's are inviting half the world to our eparty, with full knowledge they're probably not going to be invited to the wedding. I feel your pain.

Hi !

i know it is tough to trim the guest list. we are very fortunate that our mom's are understanding and very willing to compromise. (our mom's are paying for most of the wedding) When we did the guest list, my fmil had the most - family, first cousins. There are a million of them. We got into the whole - if we invite this person we must invite that cousin even if we have never met them- kind of thing. But as soon as we calculated a price, she almost fell on the floor. and trimmed it as best she could. actually, we all did....

i would bring it to your mom in terms of price...she may see the light...



-samantha

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Posted by BRIDEMICHELE

You are absolutely entitled to have 40 of the guests be your friends! If guests need to be cut they should not be cut off of your list.

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No kidding!!!! It is YOUR wedding, irrespective of who's paying for it, and at the very least, you should be able to invite who you want. The extras on the other hand may depend on what everyone's contributing. FH's family is huge (they alone are over 100 people, and amazingly, they all know each other, and I'm sure this list will only grow as others, who are not known, are remembered), but we're OK inviting most of these people because his family's substantially contributing. Otherwise, I would put my foot down. But under no circumstances should you cut people from your list. I'm appalled that she said this - does she really think she can ask you and FH to not share YOUR day with your friends, but share it with strangers instead!?!?!!?!!? That's crazy.

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Posted by Kiddo115

Honestly, it's only my mother who is giving me this problem. No one else even considered inviting people who we don't know. But for some reason, she feels she's entitled... well so am I.. hello? FH and I are the one's getting married, not her.

And yes, she is contributing... but everyone is pitching in, so she doesn't get special priviledges. I know it sounds harsh, but this thing is making me nuts and so stressed. The politics of trying to not step on anyones toes with as many parents as we have is hard. I've learned to sing and dance like a pro!

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If they are your mom's guests and she insists on inviting them, then tell her she needs to up her contribution to cover each person she insists on inviting (that actually attends) that you do not know, OR she can just cut them off the list.