I'm getting married in Ireland this summer. As it's such a long distance, we didn't expect many of our American guests to be able to make it. However, even though invitations haven't gone out yet, we're hearing that more guests than we actually anticipated are planning to come, which is not a problem - we're delighted to have them.
HOWEVER, already, i know of 3 or 4 guests (all either FH's family/friends) who are planning to bring friends along!! They're giving FH's parents a 'heads up' that we're bring so and so along or this family or that family along to make it one big vacation and they'll be there at the wedding.
THIS is a problem. I don't know these people, and in fact FH's parents don't even know the tag-a-longs. How do I handle this? Do I wait until invitations go out and I get the response cards to say something? Should I say something or should my FIL's tell their siblings/friends that uninvited guests are not able to come to the reception? Whats the etiquette on this? I don't want to p*ss off my future in-laws (as in FH's extended family) before I'm even part of the family. Is it my job or theirs to do this? BTW - my parents are paying for the wedding.
divabride
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
I would have FH have a talk with his parents so they can spread the word early on. Its better to do this now, since people are all ready making plans. If you wait until the invites go out, these people will use the excuse 'well we all ready made plans, the planes tickets have been purchased, and hotel reservations are all all ready made.' Nip this thing in the bud before it gets out of hand.
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
Great point.
I just didnt want my FIL's to think I was pawning this off on them to deal with.
snowprincess805
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
maybe tell your FMIL a couple of ideas that the tag alongs that can visit close by - maybe a mix of bus tours - for those sharing cars and nice attractions
nan&dave
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
It's not only happening to you.
FH tells me yesterday that one of his friends invited their SIL. The SIL even purchased a gown already. I was like who gave him permission to invite her? I'm not trying to be mean, but I have enough stuff to worry about.
ps: she's not going.
shamrock12472
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
I would ask your FMIL about it. Maybe these tag-a-longs are just going for the trip and aren't planning on being invited to the wedding. I know that if we were going to Ireland, my sister and her husband would probably join us for the trip but not expect to go to the wedding. It may just be a miscommunication.
EireBride-to-Be
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
Glad to hear I'm not the only one! It's infuriating. My FMIL told me that her BIL invited a whole family to come along - with 4 kids!!! I mean REALLY! Who are these people!!!
ETA: Shamrock - I thought the same thing as you, but my FMIL investigated and they are planning on coming to the wedding. Neither of us could believe the nerve of these people. I though surely they can't be serious. But they are...
David'sbride
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
Posted by divabride
I would have FH have a talk with his parents so they can spread the word early on. Its better to do this now, since people are all ready making plans. If you wait until the invites go out, these people will use the excuse 'well we all ready made plans, the planes tickets have been purchased, and hotel reservations are all all ready made.' Nip this thing in the bud before it gets out of hand.
Diva is right. My family has had to deal with this because there have been several weddings in Ireland that I have been invited to and there are always people who want to tag along. Ireland is one of those places that a lot of non-Irish people have on their 'places I'd like to go list'. They are viewing your wedding as an all inclusive vacation package for them. they'll just tag along and do what you and your family do and won't have to plan or pay for as much if they did it on their own. Yes, you need to nip this in the bud immediately otherwise they will say they have already made plans.
I'm dealing with this right now with my uncle in Canada. He has a step-daughter who I have not seen since 1978 and he assumed 5 of them would be invited. I had to tell him no, only he and his wife. I haven't even seen them since 1992. Problem is step-daughter and her husband just inherited millions from her husband's dad so I think my uncle and aunt were hoping she would pay all travel exepenses.
salsbride06
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Re: Guests bringing their own tag-a-longs
i would talk with fh and tell him to talk with his family and friends about this.
