Guilt trip to add to my stress.....

Well my father FINALLY came out of the hospital on Monday night and went straight into rehab. He's been in there for 4 weeks and it's been very stressful running back and forth to the hospital and then coming home and hardly seeing Gianna. I'm very tired and I'm totally stressed to the max. But being the dutiful, loving daughter, I go...

I go everyday and missed one or two days because of the snow and I had a wake to go to -- which my father had the nerve to say me 'why are you going to the wake?' I totally understand the man is lonely and miserable being in there, but he also has to understand that I have a baby at home and need to do things.

Anyway, last night I was exhausted when I got home and Gianna was so talkative and happy to see me, all I wanted to do was stay home. So Joe called my father up and said that I wasn't going to be there and my father must have said something, so I get on the phone w/him and he lays on the guilt trip BIG time!! 'Oh, I'm so lonely, why can't you come? And bring me pizza' !!!!!!

So, guess where I went? And my sister is the lucky one, she lives in Jersey and since both her and my nephew have been sick, they haven't been able to come in!! Me and my mother are the chickens running around!!

And to think that he's going to be in here for at least another 3 weeks -- the only good thing is it's near my mother's, so it's not that bad travel wise. I'm just soooo tired of all this running around. I haven't been able to do anything in my house because I get home too late. And I feel like my poor bear cub is being neglected by her mommy because I'm hardly there during the week.

Awe sweetie! Here are some hugs for you! I never know what to say to make someone feel better! Don't you worry about Gianna, I'm sure she's thinking what a wonderful person you are for caring so much for everyone else!

Deb maybe try to be brutally honest with your father. Let him know that you understand how much he needs you but think how much Gianna needs you. Maybe he will understand then why you can't come everyday. You are going to give yourself an ulcer or worse a nervous breakdown


Feel better

~*~*~*~No Stress Vibes~*~*~*~

Thank you both!!! I'm already on the way to a nervous breakdown!!! There aren't enough hours in the day or days in the week for me anymore!!

And then I got a bit po'd the other night when my MIL was in and DH told her we were coming up to her on the next 3 day weekend (Martin Luther), but would go home on Sun -- she was 'perturbed' because we're not going to stay the whole weekend!!!!!!!!! Um, excuse me, but how about we need a day to ourselves????? And how about I'll get NOTHING done (like laundry, cleaning and shopping) that weekend.

I'm telling ya, I'm on the verge of running away to a deserted island because I need a vacation from EVERYONE!!!

Deb, sorry to say but your Dad is being very manipulative and selfish, he knows what he is doing and you see - - - - he get's results!!

Stop playing into him and if you can't be honest with him, then just tell a bold face LIE and say something that will get you out of running to see him every night.

Hey, you are a full time working Mom and YES, your daughter misses you and needs to see you so... you go ahead and make something up and spend some time with that precious bear cub and don't you dare have guilt feelings about it.

I'm a full time working Mom too and I know all about guilt feelings, but right now at this tender age, my daughter is my number one and first priority. Hang in there.

I agre with Camille... lie if you have to. Suddenly come down wth a cold... or malaria! Anything to get your a$$ home with your hubby and baby!

Hang in there girlfriend... we're here for you!!!

Guilt, it's a beautiful thing, isn't it? And I think our parents know how to play that card very well!!! I think my middle name is 'guilty'!!!

Thank you!

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Posted by bearsbabe_113



Guilt, it's a beautiful thing, isn't it? And I think our parents know how to play that card very well!!! I think my middle name is 'guilty'!!!

Thank you!

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Oh Deb, I am so sorry you are so stressed. But I have to agree with the other women - LIE if you have to, if ONLY for ONE evening, so that you have some time for yourself. We are the only ones to blame if we feel guilt over anything! Harsh, but true. You are a busy woman who works full time, is a wife and a Mommy and you need a break - for YOUR OWN health! Our families love us, but sadly they will take a yard, even if we only offer an inch.

Tell your Mom and your Dad that you need a week without ANY running back and forth. Tell them you are certainly around for them IF there is an EXTREME EMERGENCY, but otherwise you are OFF-DUTY as a daughter. You want some time to just be a Mommy and a wife.

ps - I think I am going to buy you one of those little inspirational books entitled, 'For Women Who Do Too Much!'

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Posted by bearsbabe_113



Guilt, it's a beautiful thing, isn't it? And I think our parents know how to play that card very well!!! I think my middle name is 'guilty'!!!

Thank you!

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I couldnt agree more. Parents can be MASTERS at this!
When my dad was in the hospital (St Fran) almost 2yrs ago, my sis went a bit more than I did, but she lives in Queens and she was also my moms ride to get there, and my mom is a big help to her in babysitting, so she lives closer to them as far as day to day.
Even though we went as much as possible (maybe 3 out of 5 weeknights?) I still cant help but feel my mom is keeping score somehow
Maybe its an oldfashioned thing, that they put that guilt into you.
Like if we go to Queens for something with friends, I feel a PRESSING OBLIGATION, NO QUESTIONS ASKED, 'we have to stop by my parents' and john never saw it this way. we were out with friends and that was it.
But I have the mentality of 'youre in the neighborhood and dont stop by???? '
I know in some cases you just have to enjoy other outings and see others at other times.
Even though my MIL wont get offended if we didnt stop by her house, I do the same for her.
I make plans to let her see her grandson ANY TIME im in queens, no exceptions. and yes it gets tiring because NONE OF THEM (parents or MIL) DRIVE !!!!
So talk about GUILT and 'out of the way'. But of course We'd be ungreatful and cruel if we DIDNT go out of our way.

Deb, ya think I can relate ?????????

Big hugs, mommy.


of course another thing we've been saying amongst my siblings is that we have to have 'Sunday at the grandparents house' just as a tradition, so the kids grow up close to them for as long as they are around. Of course its HARD to keep to this rule, with everyone needing their own time to get home stuff done, errands and just family time.
BUT HOW DARE WE not visit them every single sunday????
Even though I feel we do MORE than what many of our friends do who have the same upbringing. .. oh I can go ON and on...

I am glad that he is feeling much better. I am sure that he is scared and lonely but you also have to take care of yourself and your family.
I know when my grandmother was ill and in the hospital there was someone, like a social worker type person, who spoke to the family often about this exact problem and she also spent time w/my grandmother explaining that people have to stay home some nights. Maybe the rehad center has someone like that too.

Maybe you can call a friend and take an hour out to go get a cup of tea together. You need some down time.

I hope your dad continues to get better.