So, I had a big fight with Fi about how much time I put into things vs. how much time he does... lately I feel like everything is on me, and he feeds off me..... ever feel that way???
so I tell him and he tells me how tired he is and can't keep up with me....
I know I'm type A but I can't even do all this stuff... my mom is really sick and having surgery on the 7th, we are planning a wedding, I don't know what's going on with my job, and I have been sick as well....
so this morning he goes to me 'I don't know who that person was last night'....
this is the first fight we've had and I'm sad today.. Idon't like being mad at him, but I am frustrated and worried and feel like i am the only one carrying the burden.....
thanks.. just wanted to vent this afternoon......
meniasta
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
don't worry...everything is going to be fine..
mtdr1106
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
i know i have felt that way as well. it is extremly overwhelming when you are trying to be in 10 places @ once and you feel like there is no support from him.
unfortunately for you this will not be your last fight with him before your wedding.
what i do is back off whatever i feel is aggrevating me. like if i have a week full of wedding related things planned - i cancel some of them to free up sometime to reflect on the ones that i think NEED to get done. i also think you mom being sick is not helping. last february my mother had to have surgery as well - so i know how you are feeling - its such a scary time. maybe you should clear your schedule for the next week (or 2) and focus on your mother and your FI.
and i would let you FI know - that you are the same person you always have been but STRESSED OUT - and you need to have him there to help. and if he cant keep up with you than he needs to move @ his own pace -but you cant carry everyones weight alone.
good luck
ali120206
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
Posted by mtdr1106
i know i have felt that way as well. it is extremly overwhelming when you are trying to be in 10 places @ once and you feel like there is no support from him.
unfortunately for you this will not be your last fight with him before your wedding.
what i do is back off whatever i feel is aggrevating me. like if i have a week full of wedding related things planned - i cancel some of them to free up sometime to reflect on the ones that i think NEED to get done. i also think you mom being sick is not helping. last february my mother had to have surgery as well - so i know how you are feeling - its such a scary time. maybe you should clear your schedule for the next week (or 2) and focus on your mother and your FI.
and i would let you FI know - that you are the same person you always have been but STRESSED OUT - and you need to have him there to help. and if he cant keep up with you than he needs to move @ his own pace -but you cant carry everyones weight alone.
good luck
Well put. I've felt quite overwhelmed recently and exhausted, we just moved in together, my commute has increased, work has been nuts, etc. I've asked him to do a few little things which he hasn't done, and he's asked me to do a lot of things, which I can't say I've done them all but, I've made a decent effort.
I've found that my FH realizes if he puts something off, I will eventually do it out of frustration.
I've also learned that when you want your FH to do something, it's best to ask him and provide all details of what, when, where, who, how, whatever. Sometimes they don't realize how stressed out everything is making you and that they should help (unless you tell them specifics).
Katie&Chris2006
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
Aww poor thing. We are here for you!!! We have definitely all been there before.
cindyandkevin
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
Fights are rough, but you'll get through it!!
cantwait2bewed
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
I wish i can say that i have only had one fight with FH. Wedding planning can bring out some bad vibes. Dont worry it will mellow out after the wedding. Its a lot of stress and as long as he is still there he still loves you.
69
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
thanks for the advice
I think we both need some....
LUCKinlove
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
We had almost the same fight on Monday. I felt like he never helps with the wedding planning and I take on all the stress.
Wedding planning is stressful. I made an effort last night to have a romantic night . I cooked dinner and we snuggled on the couch and watched a movie together. No phone calls- no internet- NO WEDDING TALK! - just us. Just a night together away from the insanity. It was wonderful!
I hope your mom feels better soon.
kittythestray
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
I know everything seems overwhelming, but your first priority should be YOU... If you're sick yo can't help your Mom our because you don't want to get her sick right after surgery.... so just try to get some extra rest and not think too much about all the other things going on. I know it's easy to say, but I hope you're able to get through this and feel better. Hope you're mom gets well soon, too!
nov06
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
The best thing you probably could have done is yell and vent. Sometimes that's all you need to feel better and hopefully FH will get the picture. Don't keep all your stress and anxiety inside - it's probably what is making you feel sick. If you need to vent, then vent and get it out of your system. We all do it. It sounds like you also need to take some time out for yourself. You have a lot on your plate and need some YOU time.
M&S Sept12006
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
I think someitmes we really need to sit back and observe whats going on around us. I know that sometimes we all get caught up in the heat of the moment, but really there is no need to fight over these things. Just try to take it easy...you still have 7 months sweetie...whether you're type A or whatever, you're not going to conquer the world, and unfortunately men are NOT on the same page as we are with the wedding planning.
LUCKinlove
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
Posted by M&S Sept12006
unfortunately men are NOT on the same page as we are with the wedding planning.
And that is why we have each other!
69
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
you guys are awesome... thanks so much...
Laura&Phil
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Re: had a big fight with Fi last night..
Fighting is healthy and important to experience before you marry someone- learning HOW to argue is probably the most important thing for any couple (who shuts down, who needs space, who needs to talk it out right away...) so it's good to have it happen now, overall....
Wedding planning is stressful- FH and I almost split up over it! I never had to deal with his family before because they only interact with their sons girlfriends when they want to get engaged- I probably said 2 words to them in the 8 years before we were engaged- I didn't even call the house (darn traditional families!). FH eventually learned all that I had been doing and understands (tho that's not what our BIG blow out fights are even about!)
It'll get better- there's a TON of adjusting to do- you have plenty of time, take a planning break if you need it! Good luck and best wishes for your mom!
