Has this place gone mad!

One person in my office calls me on my phone and tells me that this other person is having boyfriend problems,did I notice anything unusual about her today? I said 'this whole place has been crazy and she hasn't been talking to me so how would I know anything.'
She said 'what should we do for her?'
I said 'I am doing nothing.It is perfectly clear that she doesn't want to talk to me so I have nothing to say.' (these people have been talking behind my back & now they act like they need me.Go away!)

do what i do put a sign up that says

Go away I dont live here anymore

people usually take a hint

The funny thing is that when this girl called me, I said 'why would I be involved in anything?She hasn't been speaking to me and there's been a lot of weird things going on in this place lately.'
She didn't know what to say to that.(she & this girl have been constantly talking behind my back.)I think she got my point as she had no comment.
I am not holding anything back.I've had enough.
Now GO AWAY!

we had caller ID on our phones so i would pick up the phone and say hey sorry cant talk right now.

or i would let it go to voice mail

just avoid the people you dont want to talk to.

or make it exciting, tell the girl well word around the water cooler is the girl who is having boyfriend problems is having these problems because her honey wants to quit his job and go to clown college

or

she's having a lot of personal problems like he has to take viagra and its not working, he may have to go in for surgery

I am laughing now because I basically told the girl who called me that I KNOW what's been going on.(the talking behind my back between her and the other one.)And she didn't know what to do.She was like a deer caught in the headlights.

OMG!!

Usually the best thing is to just start office gossip. no one has to know it came from you. you know talk loudly in the bathroom, hang out by the water cooler an drop a typed letter going to someone by a 'secret admirer who is obsessed'

you gotta make the office fun and get them to talk about each other and not you

I had way too much time on my hands in my old office and i thought of many ways to plot against my co-workers