Having a problem with a BM

OK so My sister has been planning my shower and has been askinghelp from the rest of the bridal party and the whole shower is from all of them. So my sister e-mailed everyone yesterday and told them how much they would have to contribute. So everyone said it was fine....excpet FH's sister. Now she has known about the for the longest time and she tells my sister that she dosen't have the money. My best friend who lives in SC and only works part time and who is flying up here for the wedding and all even said that she had the money and it wouldn't be a problem. And FH sister even said that she didn't know the rest of the bridal party pays anything. She thought only the MOH pays for everything. So now I have to hear it from FH and from my mom and my sister. I thought this wedding was going to go so smoothly....now Fh side is giving me nothing but problems!!!

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Posted by LeeLee111

Since its your shower I would tell your sister to talk to FH and let him handle it. You shouldnt have to deal with all the problems.

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they don't tell him anything. He even said something to her and my mom cause he hasn't been told anything about the shower. and they told him that it wasn't his thing and that they will tell him stuff when he needs to be told. so he was very pissed about that.

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Posted by Julybride08

OK so My sister has been planning my shower and has been askinghelp from the rest of the bridal party and the whole shower is from all of them. So my sister e-mailed everyone yesterday and told them how much they would have to contribute. So everyone said it was fine....excpet FH's sister. Now she has known about the for the longest time and she tells my sister that she dosen't have the money. My best friend who lives in SC and only works part time and who is flying up here for the wedding and all even said that she had the money and it wouldn't be a problem. And FH sister even said that she didn't know the rest of the bridal party pays anything. She thought only the MOH pays for everything. So now I have to hear it from FH and from my mom and my sister. I thought this wedding was going to go so smoothly....now Fh side is giving me nothing but problems!!!

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That's ridiculous!! First of all you should never know about all of these issues with the shower. People should be keeping all of that drama away from you. When I planned my friends shower 5 years ago....she STILL doesn't know all of the problems that went on.
You're the bride and shouldn't be bothered with this.

Your FH sister should just ask her mother for the money and that be the end of it. Why even bring it up to your MOH!!!!

Sorry they're bothering you with this. How old is FH sister that she doesn't know the responsibilites when you become a bridesmaid.

If she is yound and doesn't really know that it was your FMIL obligation to inform her of her duties as a BM.

Have you FH deal with his sister.. You go get a massage!!!!!

yikes... sounds like a preminition of my shower! I've had my share of problems with one fsil too. After getting all stressed over it, I decided to make fh deal with it. She'd listen to him more than me anyways. Also, I really didn't want things between me and her to go too sour which in turn would probably start a little problem between me and fh.... I would say have fh have a little chit-chat with her and see how that turns out. good luck!

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Posted by Julybride08

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Posted by LeeLee111

Since its your shower I would tell your sister to talk to FH and let him handle it. You shouldnt have to deal with all the problems.

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they don't tell him anything. He even said something to her and my mom cause he hasn't been told anything about the shower. and they told him that it wasn't his thing and that they will tell him stuff when he needs to be told. so he was very pissed about that.

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Oh thats garbage. Well next time they come to you, dont respond just say tell FH, he will handle it. I'm sorry you're going through this. Since we got engaged we had 2 BM's drop out and took 2 more on. I love my bridal party now.

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Posted by wifetobe

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Posted by Julybride08

OK so My sister has been planning my shower and has been askinghelp from the rest of the bridal party and the whole shower is from all of them. So my sister e-mailed everyone yesterday and told them how much they would have to contribute. So everyone said it was fine....excpet FH's sister. Now she has known about the for the longest time and she tells my sister that she dosen't have the money. My best friend who lives in SC and only works part time and who is flying up here for the wedding and all even said that she had the money and it wouldn't be a problem. And FH sister even said that she didn't know the rest of the bridal party pays anything. She thought only the MOH pays for everything. So now I have to hear it from FH and from my mom and my sister. I thought this wedding was going to go so smoothly....now Fh side is giving me nothing but problems!!!

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That's ridiculous!! First of all you should never know about all of these issues with the shower. People should be keeping all of that drama away from you. When I planned my friends shower 5 years ago....she STILL doesn't know all of the problems that went on.
You're the bride and shouldn't be bothered with this.

Your FH sister should just ask her mother for the money and that be the end of it. Why even bring it up to your MOH!!!!

Sorry they're bothering you with this. How old is FH sister that she doesn't know the responsibilites when you become a bridesmaid.

If she is yound and doesn't really know that it was your FMIL obligation to inform her of her duties as a BM.

Have you FH deal with his sister.. You go get a massage!!!!!

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FMIL said the same thing..she apparently didn't know that the Bridal party pays for it. I think they are just playing dumb and wants my parents to pay for everything.

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Posted by Kimbalina

I am sorry! I have been having some BM issues also. But at least you know who is there for you. She may be actually not able to contribute,, but if she knew all along, then there is no excuse. She should have said no a while back

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she has the money to contribute. and if she knew all along like my sister says she did...then she shouldn't have gone out last weekend and bought a new $700 flat screen tv.

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Posted by LeeLee111

Since its your shower I would tell your sister to talk to FH and let him handle it. You shouldnt have to deal with all the problems.

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I agree! stay out of it! thats what I would do.

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Posted by SugaBeans

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Posted by LeeLee111

Since its your shower I would tell your sister to talk to FH and let him handle it. You shouldnt have to deal with all the problems.

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I agree! stay out of it! thats what I would do.

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With all those details... I agree. Stay out of it
Good Luck!!
Either way, your sister will make your shower perfect

I'm going through something similar, except FH's sister is the only one of my BM helping my mom. When I picked these girls I expected much more form them. MH hasn't even called my mom to see what she can help with. When my mom calls her she says next week we will get together and next week will comes and goes and nothing, then when we call her again she says you should have reminded me? WHat is that????
I wish I had the guts to tell her I don't need her. I'm helping my mom with the plans for the shower and I'm talking to the girls about my B-party.
I feel like the MH and the Bride...

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Posted by skinny237

Your shower is probably a few months away---at least. She can't come up w/ the money in a few months? Hasn't she ever been a BM before? Are they asking her to come up with several hundred dollars----my guess is no. I agree w/ the others, this is definitely something FH should handle so u don't come off looking like a bridezilla (even though u def r not).

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Thats what I said. And I told FH if his mom can hep her out with it also. I mean it's not liek she has bills to pay or anything. She lives at home and has a full time job and no bills. SO I don't know what the big deal is.

is it mean that i find comfort that my FSIL isn't the only one causing issues.

ive been to a number of showers, and each one was hosted differently. one of them the MOG hosted and payed for everything; one the MOB hosted and payed for everything; one of them the MOH, MOB and MOG split the cost; one of them the BMs split the cost.


If your MOH was clear before she started to pay that all of the BMs were going to be chipping in for the bridal shower, FSIL has no excuse. FH should talk with FSIL and FMIL and get them straight.

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Posted by wifetobe

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Posted by Julybride08

OK so My sister has been planning my shower and has been askinghelp from the rest of the bridal party and the whole shower is from all of them. So my sister e-mailed everyone yesterday and told them how much they would have to contribute. So everyone said it was fine....excpet FH's sister. Now she has known about the for the longest time and she tells my sister that she dosen't have the money. My best friend who lives in SC and only works part time and who is flying up here for the wedding and all even said that she had the money and it wouldn't be a problem. And FH sister even said that she didn't know the rest of the bridal party pays anything. She thought only the MOH pays for everything. So now I have to hear it from FH and from my mom and my sister. I thought this wedding was going to go so smoothly....now Fh side is giving me nothing but problems!!!

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That's ridiculous!! First of all you should never know about all of these issues with the shower. People should be keeping all of that drama away from you. When I planned my friends shower 5 years ago....she STILL doesn't know all of the problems that went on.
You're the bride and shouldn't be bothered with this.

Your FH sister should just ask her mother for the money and that be the end of it. Why even bring it up to your MOH!!!!

Sorry they're bothering you with this. How old is FH sister that she doesn't know the responsibilites when you become a bridesmaid.

If she is yound and doesn't really know that it was your FMIL obligation to inform her of her duties as a BM.

Have you FH deal with his sister.. You go get a massage!!!!!

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couldnt have said it better!!! (especially about the massage!!!

people can be so cheap when it comes to weddings. I had a similar situation when I was a BM for my friend - the other girls in the wedding party were FREAKING out when I asked each one to chip in $20 for decorations and party favors for the shower....i mean seriously, $20 !!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry you are having these issues - I am sure they will figure something out, just try to stay out of it, you have enough to worry about.

that is really annoying. HOw did she not know that she was going to have to pay? Sorry: