With my mom. last night we started to work on the place cards and she starts in about me and FH intro song. And then About how I am never there and All I do is spend time with FH's family. Well I just let her have it and we had a huge argument. She thinks that I shouldn't see FH's family at all. She thinks I should only se emy family. FH's grandmother is here from Italy. Who knows when we will see her agian. And the thing is I barley see them. I am always at home or my moms. But she thinks I am always at FH's mothers house. I don't see why I cna't go see FH's family. She wants everything to revolve around her and I am so sick of it. I am literally sick to my stomach. And everytime FH says oh my mom wants us to go over to eat I get a nervous feeling cause what if my mom finds out I am there. How can I live like this??? What do I do when we have children will I have to keep them away from her cause she will bad mouth FH and his family? I don't know what to do anymore.
bluekat16
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
futuremrsfab
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
nicely said!
SparkyandAng
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
I hate to take the easy way out, but I totally agree with you.
Julybride08
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
Thanks! I try but it's so hard. ANd then she makes me feel so bad about it. But FH and I have had enough. She is really getting worse about it and even has my sister in on it now too. And they always say snotty comments about it to me.
del Rio
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by Julybride08
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
Thanks! I try but it's so hard. ANd then she makes me feel so bad about it. But FH and I have had enough. She is really getting worse about it and even has my sister in on it now too. And they always say snotty comments about it to me.
I have been there way too many times to count. It was the hardest thing to do because I am always too considerate of everyone else's feelings I forget about my own. Something that DH is constantly reminding me of. I honestly would definitely follow the advice above. BELIEVE me I know just how hard because no matter what you try and say or do just isn't enough for them right now. Keep in mind that all the wedding craziness will be over soon and your family will be back to normal.
Julybride08
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by soon2bemrsdelrio
Posted by Julybride08
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
Thanks! I try but it's so hard. ANd then she makes me feel so bad about it. But FH and I have had enough. She is really getting worse about it and even has my sister in on it now too. And they always say snotty comments about it to me.
I have been there way too many times to count. It was the hardest thing to do because I am always too considerate of everyone else's feelings I forget about my own. Something that DH is constantly reminding me of. I honestly would definitely follow the advice above. BELIEVE me I know just how hard because no matter what you try and say or do just isn't enough for them right now. Keep in mind that all the wedding craziness will be over soon and your family will be back to normal.
It is very hard. It will last a little longer cause My sister is getting married in September so I have to deal with it atleast for another few months. Hopefully she backs off soon.
del Rio
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by Julybride08
Posted by soon2bemrsdelrio
Posted by Julybride08
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
Thanks! I try but it's so hard. ANd then she makes me feel so bad about it. But FH and I have had enough. She is really getting worse about it and even has my sister in on it now too. And they always say snotty comments about it to me.
I have been there way too many times to count. It was the hardest thing to do because I am always too considerate of everyone else's feelings I forget about my own. Something that DH is constantly reminding me of. I honestly would definitely follow the advice above. BELIEVE me I know just how hard because no matter what you try and say or do just isn't enough for them right now. Keep in mind that all the wedding craziness will be over soon and your family will be back to normal.
It is very hard. It will last a little longer cause My sister is getting married in September so I have to deal with it atleast for another few months. Hopefully she backs off soon.
Usually I would say payback is a $#@^& but I can never really follow through! September isn't that far!
sweetdoublenn
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
This about two familes uniting as one not 2!!!! I think in a way she is afraid of losing her little girl but she should not talk in such a matter of disgrace! You have the right to spend time with your future IL and future Fam!!!
Kimbalina
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Posted by bluekat16
First of all it can't be all about her and your family anymore...you are sharing a life with FH...and his family is of value to him as well I'm sure.
You can't be worried about what she's going to say, or think, or do. This is about you living your life independant of her..and she's having a hard time letting go...which is natural...but you can't feed into it.
When you go to see FH's family that's between you and him...she has no say in it. You will have to assert yourself and your position when it comes to that. You are going to be a married woman and married to FH who has a family as well.....if anything it's great that you can associate with them in a frinedly and familial way...rather than be a stranger to them. You want your children to have ties to both sides.....
Couldnt have said it better
Kerin2804
Posted:
Member since
Re: having problems....
Bluekat really did say it best - sorry your mom & sister are putting you through all of this.
