Help!!

I don't know what to do. Things just haven't been the same lately with FH and I. Lately, it seems as though he is changing, and not for the better. He has become very short tempered and I am starting to have doubts. I can't say it is all him, I am extremely busy with things lately and I really haven't been able to give my all to him. However all I am doing right now is preparing for our future. Things are just starting to really upset me, as I go to sleep crying a lot lately. One example of something he just said that really bugged me:

I just went in to find something for dinner. Well, the cabinets and frezzer are empty because I have not had a chance to get to the store because of my busy schedule. So I suggest we go out and grab something. Well, he flips and says it is my 'job' as a 'woman' to keep tabs on what is needed and to go to the supermarket. Well, being a woman of todays modern times, I asked him, has he ever heard of the word 'equal'? I told him he could have gone to the store himself since he works shorter days than me. He say, no he has never heard of that word, he was not brought up that way, in his house the woman took care of all that. Umm Hello times have changed I told him and I stormed out of the room. I could hear him mumbling from the other room, well, maybe we shouldn't get married, this probably won't work out.

Now this is a man I love and these are truly things I have never heard out of his mouth before. I don't get the sudden domination change. Am I wrong for thinking this is abnormal behavior. I don't want to be in a dominant relationship like this, sadly, I saw my mother in one with my father for too many years. I don't know what to do. We are so close to the wedding, I don't feel I could call it off. I feel like I would sort of be a huge disappointment to my family. But, I just don't want to make a huge mistake. What should I do??? Thank you for reading!!

I am sorry I had to post under a different name, but too many people I know, know I come on here and I am just too scared and embarrassed to let them see that I may be a failure.

I am so sorry that you are sad

FM

I have to tell you that before the wedding is a stressfull time for everyone and I bet that is a large part of this strange behavior from the man you love. You are not a failure. You need to sit down with him, tell him you love him to death, but you feel hurt at what he said, and try to get a dialog going. My FI and I have been fighting because we have so very much going on in our lives. We made a pact that we will try to be kind to each other and nothing we say from now till the wedding counts!! Please talk to him. See where that takes you. No one else can really help you out but you and him.

PS if he really wants you to run the house stuff like women of yester-year can you stay home and not work and just make babies???

YOU ARE NOT A FAILURE! Ending something b/c you know it isn't right is not failing, it's succeeding in doing the right thing.

Not that you should necessarily end it though. You should talk to your FH. Has he been like this long? How long have you lived together?

This is definitely something you need to work out BEFORE marriage. A divorce is a lot tougher than calling off a wedding.

And, once you have kids, you will NEED to have his help as an equal. Does he want you not to work and stay home with the kids forever, what is his take on other 'equality' issues.

Your family will love and support you no matter what.

The last thing you should do is get married because you don't want to disappoint your family! This is the rest of your life we're talking about here. They will love you no matter what - even if you call it off that morning. You have to do what's right for you (whatever that might be).

Best advice I can give is TALK to your FH. I read that you stormed out because you were angry - which is fine if you are that angry and can't discuss things at that moment. But you have to communicate about all these little things - or else they will build up into a huge problem that can't be resolved.

Both of you have to realize you are under a lot of stress lately so there are going to be disagreements. I find being rational and reasonable works with my FH. He also thinks I should be the one cook but he does help out and he even cooks. It took a little while to get him to see things my way though. He must have been brought up the same way as your FH!

Remember all the reasons you said yes when he asked you to marry him, and try to work through these differences. Everything will work out as it should - you'll see.

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Posted by kathleenmarie

PS if he really wants you to run the house stuff like women of yester-year can you stay home and not work and just make babies???

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This is how I feel, too! I told dh if he wants me to cook and clean, he should make enough money so I don't have to work!!
Don't worry about what others think- you have to do what is right for you, just make sure you think long and hard about what is best. It is true that right before is very stressful.

Thank you girls. FH and I just had a very long discussion and I told him how he has really been scaring me lately. He apologized deeply and told me how he is under al lot of pressure lately with everything coming up. Which I totally understand. He told me he was way out of line with what he said before and he really just had a bad day. We both discussed the enormous amounts of pressure we are under as of late, and how we need to be a little more patient and sensitive with each other. I flat out asked him if he really wanted to marry me and his reply was, without a doubt in his mind he wants to marry me, he loves me more than anything in this world and he can not wait for all this wedding stuff to be over so that we can go back to enjoying each other with out all the stress. I can't wait for it all to be over either, because I remember how happy and in love we were before all this planning began. So, we are going to be ok after all. And I truly love him with all my heart. Thank you for all you advice, kind words and help!!

You're not a failure!!!


I hope whatever is bothering him he will be able to discuss it with you and you guys can work things out

This isn't the 50's and you're not June Cleaver. You shoulnd't have to put up with that sort of behavior. But sounds like he isn't normally like that so maybe something is bugging him.

I hope things work out

ETA: OK I missed your latest post. I'm happy that you guys talked it out!
Maybe you guys can take a 'time out' a few days a week and not focus on wedding stuff. Maybe that might relief some of the stress.

Yay - happy everything is OK

I am glad to hear you talked things out!!!
I am sure things will settle down once the wedding stress is over!!!
Enjoy the rest of your enagagment together!!!!!!!

I'm SO glad things worked out! Just remember that you need to be happy no matter what!
I am sure that you guys will have a wonderful wedding and a wonderful marriage!

I glad you talked and worked things out. I know that when we were planning and stressed we snapped at each other. We always regretted it and made a better effort to think before we speak. It's better to say I can't talk about this right now then say something awful that can't be taken back.

I could have cried reading you post. I was so very glad you talked to him. I had a feeling it would turn out that way because we were going throguh the same thing. Its a hard hard time. So much is going on. We are trying to buy a house on top of everything else! We almost laugh at how much we bicker now. We try to make time to just get out alone and not do any house or wedding planning stuff. We went pumpkin picking and then went for pumpkin ice cream the other day. It was the best few hours we had in a long time! Thanks for letting us know how things turned out!

i'm glad you worked things out.