HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

Kris2782 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:29 AM

HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

My parents are ones for tradition when it comes to anything but when FH and I first got engaged they flat out told us they would not be able to pay for the whole wedding probably only some of it.... FH's parents the same thing.... so we are basically footing the entire wedding.... the parents are paying for small pieces along the way

so FH and I show my parents the invites we picked and the wording we wanted they said ok fine.... 4 hours later my dad calls and tells me him and my mom are hurt that we didnt decided to go with the traditional invite that mentions them requesting our guests honor at the wedding....

I want to keep the wording the way we have it but i dont want this be an argument..... they are still mentioned in the invitation just not as them being the invtees which they really arent..... FH doesnt want to change it either....

Any suggestions? I have to give the place an okat on wording by the afternoon today!

KerriJohnS Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:31 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

H aha ha.. what if you do 2 different wordings! One for them and their friends and one for you guys? then they will never know you did your invites the way you wanted.
Either that or one of you will have to give in.

twoifbysea Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:35 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

what is the exact wording now? Your parents' names are on it just not 'Mr. and Mrs. so and so request the honour of your presence at the marriage of their children' ?

nessa09 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:36 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

I included our parents in the invitation this way:

Vanessa _________
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. ____________

and Frank _______________
son of Mr. and Mrs. _________________

request the honor of your presence

I know thats not exactly what they want, or you could also put your name and his name along with our parents, and then name them

Hope that helps.

FuTuRe MrS MaZz Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:38 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

i would compromise then and use the 'together with' so its like you're both inviting guests

flairforfashion Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:38 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

Posted by nessa09

I included our parents in the invitation this way:

Vanessa _________
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. ____________

and Frank _______________
son of Mr. and Mrs. _________________

request the honor of your presence

I know thats not exactly what they want, or you could also put your name and his name along with our parents, and then name them

Hope that helps.

I was going to suggest this. This is the best way to compromise IMO.

twoifbysea Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:38 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

Personally, if you guys are footing the majority of the bill, I think you reserve the right to word the invitation however you like. It's not like your parents' names aren't on it at all.

mlcvln129 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:38 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

I didn't include my parents or his parents. . .I don't think either of them noticed.

PROBM Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:47 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

I would remind them if they are doing it bc of tradition .. tradition stattes that the brides father pays for the wedding ...and since thats not the case why would you put that on the invitation... i do not think you should change it at all,... u r paying for it

my motto: YOU PAY YOU DECIDE

pandafish519 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:53 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

i didn't include our parents b/c we both have divorced parents and they are def not paying for the whole thing.

i agree with writing, together with their parents. good luck!

coldasice217 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 10:56 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

I am doing together with their parents...because both of our families are contributing some aspects, but we're paying for most of the vendors and other misc costs and part of RH. My parents are doing little, mainly just my shower and a nice gift, but I wasn't going to disrespect them just because FH's family is contributing to more of the actual wedding.

MrsList09 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:02 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

Explain that etiquette dictates that since you're hosting the wedding, not them, that this is the way the invitation should be worded and that's just the way it is. If you're not paying up, then you don't get a say!

dajc23 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:03 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

Posted by nessa09

I included our parents in the invitation this way:

Vanessa _________
daughter of Mr. and Mrs. ____________

and Frank _______________
son of Mr. and Mrs. _________________

request the honor of your presence

I know thats not exactly what they want, or you could also put your name and his name along with our parents, and then name them

Hope that helps.

We had the SAME argument with our parents over their names being on the invite. I mean it caused massive fights on both sides. This is what we went with and even though they werent 'thrilled' about it, they accepted it and trust me, they've already forgotten all about it

GT143EA Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:04 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

We are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves but both sides are helping us so we put 'Together with their families'

KimiDanny1010 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:05 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

i would leave it the way you have it...

ask them why it bothers them so much !?!

littlepixie12 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:09 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

how did you word it?

edt: okay I just saw how you worded it.. you included their names so I dont see why they would be upset. if their names are first it would assume that they are paying, which they arent. We are paying for the wedding .. and we wrote together with our families (no names) becuase he comes from a divorced home and my parents are paying for it (my dad lost his job) so that was just a nice way to include everyone.

alli3131 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:37 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

i didnt include the parents names at all for 2 reasons. One we are paying and 2. his parents are divorced and if we put one forst it would start a problem.

We just put together with their families.

AugustBridein09 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 11:57 AM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

I'm sorry but like another poster mentioned if they aren't footing the bill as 'tradition' says then you should be able to do the wording however you & your FH want. JMO.

gina409 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 12:03 PM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!

im a mamas girls o i understand what she is saying..i mean if she had the money im going to assume they would help out...if u n fh love the way it is now then stick to ur guns..u paid u have final say..if u guys r open to discussion maybe u can compramise..but bottom line make sure u and fh love it

Kris2782 Posted: Feb 17, 2009 02:21 PM

Re: HELP!! Fighting w/ parent over invitation writing!UPDATED

Ladies thanks for all your advice and suggestions.... FH and I went with what we wanted it..... so the invite says

Kristin_______
and
David_____
together with our parents
Mr. and Mrs._____
and Mr. and Mrs. _____
request the honor of your presence.....

and so on.....

I know not everyone will be happy but its what WE wanted and WE are paying most of it so my dad will have to understand...