Help !! I am freaking out....

Boop2704 Posted: May 14, 2003 12:27 PM

Help !! I am freaking out....

I just booked my rehearsal date at my chuch. It is a non-denominational church. FH is not religious at all. Well, I spoke with the minister and he told me he wants us to come to a sunday worship to see how he does things and he wants to meet with us three or four times before the wedding. FH is not going to go for this. He is totally non religious, this is why we are not getting married in a catholic church, because of the whole pre cana and stuff. I am freaking out, he will not go for this and then we are screwed. I do not want to get married at the hall. I left him a message, a sweet one, telling him how much I love him and how he told me he would do anything to make me happy. My mom was also going to call him and let him know how upset and worried I am. He still hasn't called me back, I am freaking out. I am sooo scared he won't go through with this stuff the church wants us to do.

sanmik Posted: May 14, 2003 12:39 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

Tell him 1 hour of his time isn't going to kill him. It's for your wedding, and he should do it for you.

trish101003 Posted: May 14, 2003 12:40 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

Once he realizes how important this is to you, he may change his mind. Try to explain very rationally and calmly how important this is. Make sure he knows this was sprung on you and you are surprised by it as well (don't want him thinking you knew about this all along). Good luck!

dubliner Posted: May 14, 2003 01:00 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

Tell him he has to go - he really does

Thrilled Posted: May 14, 2003 01:02 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

You're asking for 3-4 hours of his time. He needs to chill out - seriously. And give you what you want.

Rob-luvs-me Posted: May 14, 2003 01:10 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

My FH is catholic and is NOT religious - in fact if it wasn't for me he wouldn't ever set foot in church. Our dean told us we have to go to church as often as possible. To FH that is like pulling teeth but he goes with me when he is home - b/c he knows how much it means to me to get married in this church.

Tell him that this is a prerequisite to get married in the church and that it means the world to you. Can he simply make a few hours for you - and in return you will do......(pick something he loves that you dislike and agree to do that in return for his help)

LisaT Posted: May 14, 2003 01:26 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

is he really that unreasonable? Why do you need your mother to get involved?

I think you should just explain the situation - that this is what you need to do. No reason to beg or bribe him - he wants to get married, right? He wants you to be happy, right? What's a couple hours of his time?

Boop2704 Posted: May 14, 2003 01:43 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

Well, good news, he just called and said we have to do what we have to do. No big deal. Wow, he's coming around. I swear, I love him more and more every day.

Thanks Girls!!

BTW - I had asked my mom to call him because he really gets along well with her and he often takes her advice. He does not have mom, so he looks up to my mom and goes to her for advice, so thats why I asked her to call him.

michele31 Posted: May 14, 2003 01:54 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

I honestly do not think the minister is being unfair or unreasonable at all. Just to clarify, pre-cana is NOT about religion anyway. It is about the issues that come up in marriage. Those are important for you both to discuss. Your minister just wants to discuss issues about marriage and help to prepare you- that is his job. Have you both seriously discussed what will happen when you have children? Will you want them baptized? Because if so, this could be a HUGE issue for your FH. I suggest you work these issues out now.

Boop2704 Posted: May 14, 2003 02:17 PM

Re: Help !! I am freaking out....

FH and I have already discussed children and how they will be raised. Since I am catholic and I am somewhat religious our children will be baptized, receive communion and be confirmed. We decided this would be best, since he has no firm beliefs, and I do. We also said that when our children are old enough they will be allowed to choose what and whom they want to believe in. Trust me, we have had this discussion plenty of times.