Ok, Recently I was out to lunch with my roommate, who will be my ex roommate by the end of the month since I am moving in with FH. We got to chatting about my wedding plans over lunch and I blurted out who I was planning to have in my bridal party and for some reason I told her I was going to have her. DOH! I actually don't want her in my bridal party! My family can't stand her and over the past year (we've lived together for 3) she's been increasingly selfish and controlling. I won't go into details but she's even made my moving out a problem for me. We get along well for the most part and I love her as a friend, but my gut says not to include her in the bridal party. How in the world do I demote her?? HELP!!! I haven't asked anyone other than her to be a part of the bridal party yet. I am planning to have my 2 sisters, my stepsister and my 2 cousins and possibly my best friend since 3rd grade. I say possibly because she lives in Oklahoma and I think it would be tough for her to be involved due to distance and finances. Thanks girls!!!
cindyandkevin
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
I would just talk to her and explain that you mis-spoke and that you don't really have room for her in the BP. Tell her you want to keep it relatively small and you and FH agreed to a certain number of BMs. Unfortunately you have to cut her. Of course apologize and explain that you simply named her as a BM out of excitement and didn't realize it until later.
Good luck!!
achernil
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
Sorry to be so harsh, but, you are moving out!!!! You can cut the ties with her!!!! I don't know if you were planning to invite her at all, so if you didn't, perhaps letting her know that you can't have her as a BM, but would love to have her as a guest would do it, and, if you want, you can include her in some of the activities, so she feels a little special. Seriously though, think about it as a self assertion exercise - admit that you spoke without thinking things through, but don't go into too much detail about why you 'changed your mind', apologize and move on!
CLMon7906
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
Be honest and sweet. If that hurts too much, then explain to her that you need her here on certain dates for dress shopping can she get to NY all 4 times prior to the wedding? Make yoruself out to be a total all-about-me bridezilla right away and see if she doesn't run away herself!
rojerono
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
You COULD play dumb...
ie: 'What? Huh? Married? Me? Bridal Party? Ummm.... I don't know what you are talking about... '
If I were you, I would probably tell a white lie.. but only because I am such a softie. I would say - you know {FH} just doesn't have all the guys he was supposed to have... I really want you to still be a part of things though! Would you mind (doing a reading... handing out programs...}
Good Luck!
Lools
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
All the advice sounds good so far! Thanks so much ladies! I have to admit I am a real softie, which I why I blurted out that I was gonna have her in the first place! I didn't want to make her feel bad when I was naming off people and she wasn't named!! I shouldn't have said anything to begin with, but I was excited and as soon as it came out of my mouth I was like, NOOOO What did I just do!!! I just wanted to rewind and have a convo do-over! It may come down to me just having family so that is definitely an easy way out! I am planning to just let it go for now... my wedding is over a year away and I don't need to start doing bridesmaid stuff yet anyway. I would love to play dumb or just lie like one girl suggested! lol I will definitely invite her, but I don't want her as a bridesmaid. My sisters and my cousins will flip because they think she's a *****. I just hate to fire someone! lol My FH offered to gladly fire her, cause she annoys him and he doesn't like the way she treats me sometimes. FH's are the best!
DC2
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
I also asked one of my girls not to be in the wedding party, but for different reasons--she just wasn't being the friend that I needed during stressful times that weren't even wedding related. I was completely honest and let her know how I felt--we kind of argued for a little bit then our conversation went back to normal like old times. It was really hard for me b/c I'm not a confrontational person, but I knew it had to be done. Good luck with however you chose to handle it.
tiffandmatt
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Re: HELP! I NEED TO 'DEMOTE' A BRIDESMAID!
Posted by cindyandkevin
I would just talk to her and explain that you mis-spoke and that you don't really have room for her in the BP. Tell her you want to keep it relatively small and you and FH agreed to a certain number of BMs. Unfortunately you have to cut her. Of course apologize and explain that you simply named her as a BM out of excitement and didn't realize it until later.
Good luck!!
I think that this is the best way to go. Try to be as apologetic as possible, because she will probably be a little hurt. Good luck!
