HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
sarahradio5
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HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
He knows I'm not crazy about them... mostly since I had a bad experience with two dogs his family owned where I stepped in urine SO many times in the house, it TOTALLY skeeved me out. And another dog they owned for a short time used to crap all over the place in the house. It just skeeved me out. I have this thing with germs, and I know dogs are supposedly 'cleaner than humans' - but I don't buy it. I don't ever want to clean up after dogs, have them pee or poop in my clean house, knowing they use the same bath tub skeeves me out, etc. (did I get my point across??) I don't want to upset people who love dogs... I think they're cute from afar. It's just this CLEAN thing I have. Not only does he want a dog... he wants a BIG dog. PLUS, my mom has asthma and is allergic to dogs, so if we were to get a dog, my mom wouldn't be able to come over, which of course isn't an option. I told him this and he got all ticked off. He said he wanted to get one after our honeymoon. Um... no. Don't WANT a dog. What on earth do we do??? I know he wouldn't take care of it... I would HAVE to. I don't WANT one. MAYBE one day FAR off in the future when we don't live in a TOWN HOUSE. I don't want HAIR all over (which also skeeves me out). We have a new, beautiful Town House and I don't want to mess it up with a dog. Dog lovers... please be gentle on me. I really just need relationship advice on how to come to some sort of compromise... I really have tried to warm up to dogs, but I'm the kind of person who has to wash my hands as soon as I pet one... i can't imagine owning one!
augustbride12
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I UNDERSTAND. My new DH and I have been talking about possibly getting a puppy for a LONG time... I think he really thought I was going to get a puppy for him as a wedding gift. the problem is that i am TERRIFIED of dogs. I have no reason to be afraid of them... I just always have been. It's REALLY hard for me to imagine LIVING with one. I also have the 'clean' issues with pets in general. He is beginning to understand my fear more... we decided if we do get a dog it will probably be something like a goldendoodle... so it will be a nice friendly, family dog, but won't shed...... we agreed to drop the subject for a few months so that we can just enjoy being married with NO STRESS! I think DH feels better since I guess I would be willing to TRY having a dog. I mean, if it really doesn't work out, it just doens't work out... maybe you could try it and see how it goes... or agree to wait until you're not in a brand new townhouse someday? Good luck.
sarahradio5
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
thanks... it's just a little bit of a sore subject because we're on two ends of the spectrum on this. And to each of us, it's almost as serious of a topic as the decision to have kids, which we both want. But, a DOG. I don't want one. He REALLY wants one.
Whenever he sees a dog, he says he wants one and I cringe. This is the first time he said he wants one after the honeymoon and I said not in this house. If we were to EVER get a dog, it would have to be in a big enough house where a room would be exclusively devoted to the dog. Or even a nice finished basement with a door to the yard. That's not now, though. We can't even AFFORD a dog right now! I swear, sometimes I feel like a mom telling my kid 'no'.
eden
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I think you may want to try the 'foster a dog' route. Go to a shelter and pick up a dog. Test the dog owning business for abit and see how FH likes it. If your FH really doenst want to take care of it, you can use this as a reason NOT to own one. I mean if he won't even take care of this dog, why would he take care of one he owns?
Good luck! Owning a dog is not a simple thing, it's almost like having a kid! You really need to be dedicated and patient with it.
That's why I have 2 cats. :D
sarahradio5
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
Posted by eden
I think you may want to try the 'foster a dog' route. Go to a shelter and pick up a dog. Test the dog owning business for abit and see how FH likes it. If your FH really doenst want to take care of it, you can use this as a reason NOT to own one. I mean if he won't even take care of this dog, why would he take care of one he owns?
Good luck! Owning a dog is not a simple thing, it's almost like having a kid! You really need to be dedicated and patient with it.
That's why I have 2 cats. :D
thank you, but right now owning a dog isn't even a possibility because our town house isn't big enough to keep it in an area that's all his/hers. That's the only way I would get a dog. My mom is able to tell immediately when there is or was a dog in a room and her air shuts off. Am I really gonna do that to my mom? Noooo. We would have to wait until we have a bigger house that's more dog friendly. AND until we have more money where we can FEED and take care of a big dog! ay, ay, ay...
eta: he doesn't like cats either. but the shelter 'try one out' option is a good one. I really have fallen in love with dogs in shelters before... I'm just a germ-a-phobe and he would have to do all the pee and poop clean up. THAT I don't do.
cherilicious16
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
dogs arent that expensive but they are amazing!!! I'm a huge dog person..my FH didn't want a dog and one day he came home and I had adopted one from North Shore. At first he was kinda annoyed and didn't want to play with him, but then next thing you know...who has a new BEST buddy?? And now they gang up on me. I guess my point is maybe you could show him that you are willing to at least consider it. Do some research on different breeds and see which fits YOUR lifestyle. Your DH will appreciate it.
Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I love my dog so much, but it is more expensive than anything else I own other than my House. In 2 years, she needed 3 surgeries and it cost me just about $6000.00 YEP $6000.00 big ones. Plus all the normal vet visits, grooming, carpet cleaning, boarding cost when on vacation(cha-ching), food(she can only eat Iams)(cha-ching),need I go on. Now let me say again, I love my dog like a family member and wouldn't trade her for the world. However, when the day comes that she is gone(GOD FORBID!!) I do not think I will allow myself to fall in love with another dog. You will love it and do anything for him/her believe me, and its not easy when your saving for a house or just purchased a house. It is a HUGE committment, HUGE. Time, money and emotion. Unfortunately, you never know if your dog will be healthy or not ,and for me, I have had many tearful days, worried and stressed about my girl.
LBride
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I am the same way with other people's dogs. I really don't like them to jump on me or lick me or anything, but I obsessed with my own dog and would like let her eat off my plate.
sarahradio5
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
Posted by LBride
I am the same way with other people's dogs. I really don't like them to jump on me or lick me or anything, but I obsessed with my own dog and would like let her eat off my plate.
see... I could maybe see that happening with a dog I fall in love with ONE DAY IN THE FUTURE when the time is right. But, not now. Not in this house. Not when there's no place to keep the dog that he/she can call his/her own that my mom will never have to enter and therefore not risk my mom's health. Not when we're already pinching pennies. My FH just hears 'No' and gets all stubborn and goes upstairs and thinks his world has changed.
Mandyin2007
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
Maybe you could explain to him that having a dog is a bigger responsibility than you think the two of you could handle now. With work, wedding stuff and everything else on your plates it would be selfish to get a dog you couldn't spend time with. If you explain it that way, maybe he will drop it for a while. I wouldn't mention about how some of the things his other dogs did skeeved you. He probably wouldn't take it well because I know my fiancfe wouldn't.
snydl40
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I recommend going to the shelter and finding a dog that has been neglected or abused. These dogs tend to be very greatful that you have saved them from 'death row' and are usually amazing pets. I'm not saying getting one right away-maybe wait at least till after the holidays and research your breed or mutt together. I am with my animals 24 hours a day between being a dog groomer and having my own pets-they are the third best things in my life after FH and my family and friends.
I understand your point about germs-Did you know Donald Trump is a germ-a phobe? He doesn't shake hands and when my dad sawhim at Westminster dog show-he wouldn't pet any of the dogs-including my own! But I do realize they can be extremely dirty and expensive-but to me the good outweighs the bad.
This is you and your Fh's decision-Good luck!
LBride
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
Do you both have hectic schedules? I'm a firm believer that it's not fair to the dog to be home along for most of the day or crated...
AlmostMrsKelly
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
i'm also a dog lover... and i honestly don't know how to come to a compromise on this - you seem pretty dead set against it, at least for now. does he realize how much you hate the idea? i never had a dog but always wanted one (my mom hates dogs so we never had one, even though my dad always begged her for us!) - the day after FH and i closed on our co-op, we went to the pet store and fell in love with our lil man. he wasn't even 3 pounds and he was just perfect. we wanted a small dog because we live in a co-op and don't have our own backyard so we needed one that didn't need a ton of exercise. quinn's perfect. he is sooo friendly, only barks if he hears a strange noise outside or if he's playing with you sometimes, he just wants to play. FH picked him out but he's my little boy (which FH hates, lol) we want to get 2 more dogs, but we will wait until we have a house with a backyard where they can run around. i'm spoiled though now - quinn's full grown and he's only about 7 pounds. we only have to put 40 bucks aside a paycheck and that's enough for his grooming, food etc, and whatever vet visits seem to creep up (though we did have 2 expensive vet visits when we first got him) and best of all HE DOESN'T SHED. as far as the situation with your mom being allergic... in the event you do get a dog, try and look into a hypoallergenic breed. ours is a maltese and he is. but the other girls are right... having a dog can be like having a child. it's a lot of work, especially at first. and you have to have a lot of love to give. if you don't really want one, i honestly don't think you should get one.
rojerono
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
I am with you 100%.
I love dogs. I grew up with big dogs. I can mention that we NEVER had poop or pee in the house once they were passed puppyhood.. and until they were house broken they were confined to designated puppy areas..
BUT I AM NOT READY FOR A DOG. At least not now. They are a lot of work and even when they are housebroken you have to pick up the doo from outside when you walk them. It is a HUGE responsibility.
Tell FH that you love him and that you will consider a dog at some point in the future... but that for the time being you would prefer it be just the two of you. That you want to learn how to take care of him 24/7 before you take on another animal.
He might be disappointed, but if you wind up getting the animal you will probably resent it and there will be trouble from day 1. Also - if you plan on having children - you might want to mention that it may behoove you to wait. What if you have a child who winds up having severe allergies and he has already become attached to the dog... obviously the pup will have to go. Also - even if you have a baby with NO allergies - dogs can be pretty jealous of new little interlopers. My dog had to stay with my mom when I had my son because a. he was too much work. b. he was jealous of my baby! It might be best to wait until you have a baby first and then when the kid is old enough, introduce a dog so that the dog knows the baby came first.
Again - regardless of how disappointed he is.. stick to your guns. These are decisions that you guys have to make together - not unilaterally. If I thought you sounded unreasonable and that your reasons for not wanting a dog were wishy washy, I would tell you - but C'MON! Your mom is allergic!
stephanief
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
If you do not want one, PLEASE do not get one. DOgs need so much love and affection and if you can not give them that, you are better off not getting one. I appreciate your honesty about the suituation, Did you and your FH discuss this before? Good luck
Nikki24591
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Re: HELP!! My FH wants a dog... I don't. What do we do?
If you don't want a puppy /dog then don't get one!! They are a huge responsibility and it puts a lot of strain on a relationship even if you did want one. We just got a puggle a couple of months ago because my husband (then FH) wanted to get a friend for our other dog. Well Henry is a terror and Jake (our other dog) just wants to be left alone. It is hard not to say I told you so to my husband because I originally was against it and then gave in. I love dogs and it isn't easy so just imagine what it would be like if you don't like them. And puppies pee and poop in the house until they are trained which also isn't easy!
