Help, my grandmother wants to invite the whole world!!!

Hello everyone! I've used the site a lot to find reviews to different halls and i really love all the input everyone shares!!

So i figured why not sign up and see if you guys can help me out with some issues i'm having while planning my wedding.

I recently got engaged (YAY), and because of time constraints and lack of money (I just graduated medical school and residency pays nothing, fiance is only about 2 years into his accounting job)...our engagment is going to be LONG. Were thinking about an Oct 2013 wedding.

A long engagement still doesnt stop my huge italian family from starting to think about who to invite and where to have the wedding. That is all fine with me becuase i like to plan! BUT, my grandmother and my father expect me to invite EVERYONE they ever met or is somehow related to me from the old country. Its even gotten so bad that they don't remember the last names of some of the guests!!!!

I expected to have a large wedding, my fiance and i have A LOT of very close friends who i want to come....but with my family's guest list already being 100 people (that does not include the 60 or so from my fiance's side), i feel that were going to have to limit the friends that will be invited.

I already have told my family that if it comes to having to choose between friends that i see all the time and are always there for me and my fiance, or family i met once when i was 5 years old....obviously i'm going to cut those 'family' members. I don't want to start world war three in my house....but i have a feeling that is going to happen.

Any advice? Thanks and sorry for the LONG post!!!

IF you're paying....YOU decide who gets invited. If they are adement abotu certain people then tell them they have to foot the bill for those folks because you are saving you money to afford to invite those people you actually wwant to have there!

Oh and Welcome to LIW!

Welcome to LIW and congrats on your engagement You'll find that this is by far, the absolute best wedding site / forum! But be careful, it's quite addicting.

You can always tell your family that you booked a hall that has a 300 person maximum (or whatever number you want) so they can't invite EVERYONE.

If they do want to invite a ton of extra people, tell them that they're welcome to if they foot the bill for those extra people.

Hope this helps!

Thank you both for the welcome and the response!! I can totally see myself getting addicted to this site!!!

Well....THANKFULLY my mother is on my side with this whole issue. She actually brought up the idea of just saying that the hall we want only holds 200 people or whatever and then cutting the list as needed. I love that idea, but i can see my grandmother (and annoyinig aunt, dads sister) saying something like 'Oh why are you cutting family when you have XYZ number of friends'. I know i'm jsut going to blow my top...i am a hot blooded italian girl HAHA.

As for money...thats a hot botton issue as well. My fiance and I are totally making a budget and paying for the wedding ourself (at least we think so). But then my mom said the other day...'What you dont think well be helping you out with the bill?'...so yes, they may be helping out....but i'm the oldest of four kids...and my family sure as heck doesnt have enough money to pay for all three girls weddings...so i have no idea how much they actually plan on contributing.

My fiance and I really need to sit down and try to get a first draft of the 'friends' list down...i have a BAD feeling that will be 200 people on its own (my fiance knows about half of the Bronx)...

Thanks so much for your posts!!!!
I can't wait to start really getting into this site!
Yay Wedding Planning!!! (Yea, i'm a little crazy!)

I think it's a good idea to draft a list of every person you can think of, then you can make cuts from there also remember your having a long engagement so who really knows what people will still be around in 2013.

Congrats on your engagement! Doesn't it feel gooood!

I know in the beginning some people considered me a b*tch or 'bridezilla' (a term I HATE because I am NOTHING like those delusional women!) but I was very adamant about it being 'OUR WEDDING'! It's nice to have the whole world there to share in your joy...but if you're never (or rarely) going to see these guests again, doesn't that spoil a major part of the wedding experience. I'd want to dance the night away surrounded by close friends and family, not 'holiday family' or my parents co-workers!

You're in a good position if you're footing the bill. It's nice if family can contribute, but in your initial planning, don't assume they will...or you could be in for an unfortunate surprise when you expect things and people turn up with empty pockets. You'll only do this once, so you should have it the way you and your honey want it. If they continue to stress you, you can always agree as long as they pay per person for those guests you wouldn't have invited on your own. As long as the venue is large enough that would be a great scenerio...plus extra wedding gift goodies

I argued at length w/ my mom about certain family who I don't really care for but she still speaks to. I told her I want to be happy and not feel awkward or uncomfortable...and I know certain people will make me feel that way. You know, the family that never has anything nice to say but will eat your food and smile in your face. UGH!

Try to compromise as much as you're comfortable with, but don't let it turn into everyone else's wedding. They've had theirs...now its your turn!

Luckily you have 3 years to sort this stuff out. Who knows what relationships will be like in 3 years and you may end up no inviting people in three years that you would invite if your wedding was in 1 year.

I'd say take a few months to simply enjoy the commitment the two of you have made. Start thinking about these hectic details a few months from now....or even a year from now. Trust...it will all work out.

Definitely keep browsing and posting this site. It's a life (and sanity) saver!

i think maybe, coming from a large italian family myself, if your really planning a 2013 wedding, you should maybe let things die down a bit. Its 3 years away the wedding date, so alot of things can change between now and then and they might decide not to invite those they had originally planned to do so.

and Welcome to the website!!!

Your right that the wedding is 3 years away and things MIGHT change...but knowing my grandmother, the only way they wont be invited is if they die. If i haven't seen these people in 20 years...if ever...i don't think an extra 3 years makes a difference. Of course if i keep telling them over and over that its retarded to invite these people maybe that will sink into their heads...hehe.

Thanks for the welcome and all the great comments!