Help on dealing with my mom

Kaprabbit Posted: Jun 22, 2008 10:25 AM

Help on dealing with my mom

Hello Ladies!

i was hoping you would be able to help me out. My mom (who's paying for the reception only, which is totally fabulous that they're paying for anything) is someone who is very good at letting me pick out things such as a dress etc, no problem (typically this is the other way around) My mom is however, someone who asks me why i didn't get measurements of someone who wouldn't be with us at dress shopping, or flips out that one of my girls would be out of state, and the fact I used my FH's Sister. Or the fact that she was upset that one of my bridesmaid's wouldn't be able to make it shopping with us. I know that the larger a wedding party is, etc, the harder it is to get everyone in one place at the same time. This is just an example of what I've been dealing with, but it's not just the bridal party. I feel like if i'm not stressed out, and i'm ok with what's going on, why is she stressed out? I don't live at home, i've been living by myself since I graduated H.S. I'm now two years out of college, had my own apartment for 2 years, and I'm not exactly sure how to deal with my mom, and how to make things work. Because when she gets upset or tells me how she would do things differently, especially when i'm not upset myself, it gets me upset. Please help, or some advice on dealing with my mom would be great.

Thank you ahead of time!!

I Love my bear Posted: Jun 22, 2008 11:50 AM

Re: Help on dealing with my mom

It's not her wedding. It's your wedding and you are handling it better than she is. Just take it as it is, ask for her help when you need it, but tell her she doesn't have to worry about your BM party. Seems like you have it all under control, and on top of that, any other issues that come up your MOH should be able to help. Tell her to relax and have a glass of wine, it will be absolutely fine.

Summertimegal424 Posted: Jun 22, 2008 11:51 AM

Re: Help on dealing with my mom

i would tell her to back off...i know that might sound mean but i have one just like it..i have to tell to stop ...and she does and then shes so apologitic in butting into my buisness

CNC4eva3402 Posted: Jun 22, 2008 01:02 PM

Re: Help on dealing with my mom

Get her a giftcard to the spa, and attach a little note that say 'Mom, you need to relax'

But seriously, just let her know that you want this to be an enjoyable time, and that you, yourself, aren't stressing the small things and you don't want her to be stressing it either. Tell her you have it under control and if you need her to back you up on anything, you'll ask.

Good luck!

lanamanitta Posted: Jun 22, 2008 01:19 PM

Re: Help on dealing with my mom

Posted by CNC4eva3402

Get her a giftcard to the spa, and attach a little note that say 'Mom, you need to relax'

But seriously, just let her know that you want this to be an enjoyable time, and that you, yourself, aren't stressing the small things and you don't want her to be stressing it either. Tell her you have it under control and if you need her to back you up on anything, you'll ask.

Good luck!

I think that's a great idea. Give her a thank you mixed with a request for a little flexibility and let her know there is a long time to go and you don't want her, or you, to stress about things. Planning your wedding together is a HUGE bonding moment for a Mom and Daughter, and she is as excited as you are, she just needs to remember it's more your day than hers. (It is a little bit hers though, in her mind, and in reality, so you have to make sure you recognize that, but it has to be mainly your day and the happier you are, the better it will be!)

Im a Pepper Posted: Jun 22, 2008 07:58 PM

Re: Help on dealing with my mom

This is tough, and I'm dealing with a similar mother who finds it hard to take a step back and relax, even if her daughter is cool as a cucumber. I haven't quite figured this out yet, although I know things won't change. So I guess it's up to us (the brides) to accept the way our mothers are and accept the fact that we can't change them. We just have to try harder to let it all roll off our backs, I guess. But I have trouble doing that!