Help Please... (long)

Sorry you're going through this.

Do you want to stop planning because of problems with the family or problems with FH? Decide on that first and the rest will come together. If you and FH decide to do this, you two can. Alot of people have issues with family. You and FH are becoming a family now and will have the chance to make your own choices, traditions, etc. You two should discuss the way you feel and figure out how to limit your exposure to his family.

As to the FMIL, let her talk about her $3,000 wedding - just smile and say 'well we're doing it this way'

It will all work out.

i completely agree with Donna...I couldn't have said it better myself...

I am going through a similar situation with my FILs. In fact when I first starting reading your post, I thought, 'Oh look another one.'

My FILs are going thru a nasty divorce. FH is up to ears in their bills (long story) and FMIL is an ungrateful witch! She and I did get along just fine at first, then she started treating FH like total crap after he did for her... so when I called her on it... I too was put to the top of her sh*t list.

Well needless to say, any family gathering makes my stomach turn.

I too agree that you should make sure this is really what you want. There are a couple of times when I had the same doubts; but I reasoned that it wouldn't always be this horrible.

I think that once you get your feelings sorted out with FH (make sure he knows exactly how you feel) that things will work out. Marriages are never cookie-cutters... you have to figure out what's gonna make it work for you.



Feel free to contact me if you want to discuss some more.... or even just go out for a vent fest.

It's tough, but I'm not sure what you're asking. You and your FH love each other and are planning the wedding you want. How much your FMIL did/did not spend has nothing to do with you. Unfortunately, you can't change her, or any of your in-laws. I know in a perfect world you would want to have a fantastic relationship with them all, but it doesn't always work that way. It takes all kinds of people to make up the world. Just do your best to make things cordial and don't allow it to make you sick.

If it makes you feel better, I have one of those too. I have no problems with my FMIL, it's the girl FBIL is planning to marry that I can't stand.

OMG I'm in the same boat! MY FI read this & thought it was me writing it! Here's a few pieces of advice that may or may not help (believe me I know they SOUND EASIER than they are )

Overall - I don't think I could ever leave my FI b/c of his family. I love him to much to let them come between us but it's important that he feels the same. I hope it's that way for you too!

1. Lean on your FI for 200% of his support. My FMIL he never leaves my side. As long as I hold his hand or glance over I feel so relieved.

2. FFIL - confront FMIL about the family's opinions. I did this & it helped...bad mouthing isn't gone & I KNOW they gossip about him & how much I 'prefer him' but it helps me to not be surrounded by it. He's such an important person to get to know.

3. It's your wedding & your $$ - don't be afraid to spend it your way!

If you EVER need anything FM me!