Hi,
I was just wondering if anyone on this board knows anyone who has ever postponed a wedding. If so, was it difficult and did you lose a lot of money? The reason I am asking is because my fiance wants me to move to another state to live with him but, because of a new job, I really am unable to after we get married. This means that we won't be living together and that is not a very healthy way to start off a marriage. Opinions? Thanks
I moved my wedding earlier and didn''t have too much trouble. I''m not sure about moving it to later.
On the other hand, I know a couple that spent the first 6 months of their marriage in seperate countries - due to work circumstances. They are still happily married so although its not the best beginning, its still an option. Good Luck to you.
We postponed our wedding an entire year and didn't lose very much money at all -- of course, we hadn't booked all of our venders. I think that (1) it depends how close teh wedding date is -- we postponed almost a year before teh date, and (2) whether you will commit to the new date. If you and your fiance have another date in mind and just book the same vendor for that date, and its not too close to the original date, I think you'll get most of your money back.
I'm sorry, I have a bunch of questions if you don't mind? I just want to try to help! You're suppose to get married this September? How long have you been planning this wedding? The only reason I ask, is because, my fiance and I have been together for over 8.5 years, and have been planning our wedding for over a year, and I could not imagine postponing our wedding only because I've been waiting so long for this. We would definitely want to find a way to be together. A long distance marriage would be really hard. I know I couldn't do it, I'm definitely not strong enough. If you still got married when you're suppose to, when would you plan on moving in with him? Is there a reason why he lives out of state? Is it for his job? The new job you have, is it worth losing for him? Is it a career move for you? I don't want to get personal, I'm just trying to understand the problem. Of course, you have to do what makes you happy, and you need to decide what that is. At this time in your life, is the new job a priority, or getting married? For me, I'd want to get married. We're just at that point in our relationship, I can't wait to get married, and have a family. To me a family is more important than a career. (That's just my opinion) Then, we'd have to decide not who's job or who's situation is more important, just who is more at risk in losing something. I have yet to find a job worth anything to me, so I'd leave to be with my FI in a heartbeat. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with postponing the wedding, if that's what you feel you should do. What does your FI think about postponing the wedding?
Few more questions... Does he live out of state now? Have you had a long distance relationship for a while? I'm really sorry, I ask way too many questions... but please don't get offended... I'm just trying to understand the whole story!!! And just so no one else is bothered with what I've said, it's only my opinion based on my relationship. Just so everyone knows!!! (This board can get touchy every once in a while) :o)
Hi Melissa,
I understand your point of view. I just want to say that I can tell that you are a very sweet person and just because you ask a lot of questions (that's what this board is for isn't it?) doesn't mean that people have to be so nasty to you. I saw some of the remarks aimed at you and others on this board, and you know what, I just feel sorry for those nasty people. They are probably jealous and miserable people who want to plan a wedding also but are too depressed that no man would ever want to be around them.
Anyway, in a nutshell here is my situation: I am in college right now about to receive my nursing degree. For financial and educational reasons, I need to start working immediately following graduation in May. However, Ryan is currently in a graduate program in Birmingham, AL-he won't be graduating for a few years. We have had a long-distance relationship since we started dating because he lived in NJ. In other words, the only thing that will change between before and after my wedding is that I will have an extra ring on my left hand. I will be living up here until at least November because it is not in my best interest to start a job and then quit 3 months later. Therefore, it would make more sense to postpone my wedding since we can't live together after we marry. We have been dating for 3 years and we are truly in love but this long-distance affair is very difficult. On the other hand, I am only 25 and waiting an extra year to live and work up here is what I really want. I hate to admit it but I should've listened to my mother and not have gotten engaged last April. However, I got caught up in the whole 'wedding' ambience and didn't think of the long-term consequences. So, I am in this difficult predicament in which we either continue to be married as planned in September except continue to carry on a long-distance relationship or postpone the wedding until next year when I can move in immediately after getting married.
Hope that this makes sense. Thank you for everyone's advice.
I say postpone after reading all that. why not do it when you mind is free of all these worries, and you can move in together right after? how soon is your wedding, are there invites out already? And like what was previously stated, you probably will not lose too much money and it will be worth it to get married at a better time for you!
I also have a long distance relationshiip. My Fh lives 5 hours away. We will be getting married in August and might have to live apart for awhile until my house is sold. I don't have a problem with that and would not want to postpone my wedding. We just will have to deal with it and our relationship is stong enough to stand it. Bottom line...is if your relationship is strong it doesn't matter! Good luck to you!
I, too, am a nurse, but I don`t even need to be to know that there is a nursing shortage EVERYWHERE. Have you thought about going to Alabama where he is and finding a job there? Sometimes these hospitals even include moving costs, that`s how desperate they are for nurses!
And Barbara, I don`t understand how this all of a sudden came up. It seems like you both knew you were going to be in these situations beyond the time of your wedding, and you decided to get married anyway. Did something change? I just don`t think it`s worth the hassle and the heartache of postponing. You said you both have lived apart for some time now...so what if it`s another year or so? And you knew this to begin with anyway, right?
Now if it`s financial, that`s a whole different story!! :)
Just wanted to let you know that because of work-related circumstances, my husband and I have been living apart for a year and a half, and although it is INCREDIBLY hard, it is no reason NOT to get married. I'm still so happy we did! We're working on the living situtation, and hope to have it resolved soon!
OK...i think if you keep the same vendors you will not lose much money at all...
here is my opinion...can you move to AL and then plan from there? I know its tough...but many ladies on this board do it...thats what is so great about the internet...
can you move the wedding up to May or June? that might be tough coordinating all the vendors..
You must do what you think is best, but here is some hope...my cousin was going to med school and found out that in 10 months (in 1997) would be her last 'known' vacation...she quickly planned a wedding and she and her husband lived apart for a good year...only 4 hour drive though...he would go to see her on weekends...but they are extremely happy and now are together...
you must look at the opportunity costs...wedding v money v marriage...
good luck
Hi... Thanks for not thinking I was being rude. Well, If waiting another year is what you really want, then do it. Like you said, your whole relationship has been long distance, so another year won't kill you, but it will be really hard. From what it sounds like is that you want to stay where you are. You don't want to move. Right? Is it because of family? From my point of view, I don't think LI is so great. My FI and I have lived out of state for almost 3 years. For the first year we lived in SC and then the last 2 years we've lived in NC. We love it. It's so beautiful. When we come up to LI it looks disgusting. We don't miss it at all! Except family and friends, but you have to do what makes you happy. Anyway, do you not want to live with your FI until you're married? Otherwise another option would be to move down there as soon as your done with school and get a nursing job down there. That way you don't have to quit a job. Or, if you don't want to live together before you're married, work somewhere for a few months to make some money, and then after the wedding, move to him. There is a shortage of nurses out there. Even here in NC, there's tons and tons of nursing jobs. You won't have a problem finding one. So you leave the job after a few months, if you need to explain why, tell them you've recently been married and relocating for educational purposes. After hearing what everyone's opinion, I truly feel in my heart that you should go on with your wedding, and then move down there, and find a job there. Maybe you're just nervous about moving out of state? Who knows! But if you need the money, work for a few months, and during that time, look for a position down there and have something set up for when you get there. Yeah, you could do the long distance thing, but will you truly be happy? You'll want to be with your husband! Is your family influencing you at all with your decision? Just curious? I don't think you responded, but how does your fiance feel about postponing the wedding?
I just read the majority of this thread (the nasty comments have been removed)
Is there more here than you want to admit? You made a comment about the fact that you should have listened to your Mom and not gotten engaged. Love is not all a marriage needs and you are young. If you feel any hesitation about getting married, don't. If you don't want to move away, then you shouldn't. You need to do what is right for you. I don't think you will lose money if you ask to postpone your vendors. Perhaps the best thing to do, is to postpone your vendors now and pick a new date in a few months, then begin to coordinate the new plans. You are asking for advise on more than just losing $$$.
I will also say that I have a friend that lives on LI and her husband lives upstate NY near Canada. They have always had a long distance relationship. She goes upstate every Friday afternoon and comes home on Monday mornings. She has a house here, works here and helps care for her mom here. He has a business in his town so he cannot just leave that. And truthfully, they don't want to change this. She says that someday when she has a baby they will have to make a choice but for now they are happy like this.
My Fiance is in Colorado and I am here in NY. I recieved my degree in Dec from John Jay and he will recieve his and his commissioning in May from the Air Force Academy. Unfortuntly I haven't been able to get a full time job in my field I have to sign contract and confidentialty agreements and I knew we getting married and I don't like to burn bridges so instead I am working temp. I made incredible money consulting and temping. We are getting married July 5th, going on our honeymoon and moving to Pensacola in late July because he has pilot training. Soon after that we will be moving to Ok, and then overeas for a few years. Yes he is an officer and I love him and it is my choice to move and deal with the military aspects of our relationship. But what it all comes down to is I'm getting married not to just to live with him, I'm getting married b/c I can't stand to live without him for anytime longer. Life is to short and yes you do have to think about money but as long as you are thrifty and have skills you can find work anywhere. Moving is a very scary thing especially if it is more for him then for you but you know what Long Island is so expensive and yes the pay is better but even the decrease in pay anywhere else is comprable to what your cost of living is. If you want to be together and help each other through the rest of his schooling then keep the wedding in Sept and you know what make it true partnership that when he is weak you will be strong and vice versa:)
How long have you been enagaged?? How long have you known all these details that you might postpone?
Basically my opinion is if you have your dream wedding planned for Sept keep it, and roll with the punches and just really keep the lines of communication open:)
If your not really happy with the Sept date and you think it is truely wrong for both of you, then postpone just make sure that you two really have a date that is good for you... could it just be your not ready just yet for marriage. If you aren't then definetly postpone!
No one can tell you how long or short your engagement can be.. Mine is only 140 days long and if I had a quarter for every time someone complained that we weren't waiting a year we would be very rich!
Basically sweetie, do what is best for the both of you! How stessful this must all be right now. Good Luck
Barbara,
With all due respect to the ladies who feel that being separated is not a good reason to postpone a wedding, I think it is. Especially if you have enough of a bad feeling about it to consider postponing. Personally, i dated my current FI on and off, part of it long distance, before we finally met at the same place in our lives two years ago. The reason is that I was in law school. And while I always loved him, becoming a lawyer was a dream of mine that I would not give up. Again, with all due respect to the ladies that feel that a job is not as important as being with the person that you love, I think at times it has to be. Being an attorney was my dream and my goal. Until I accomplished that goal, I was not ready to be in the relationship that I am in now. I wold not have been able to begin a marriage before establishing myself first. It was something that I needed to do for ME, without thinking of someone else`s needs or wants. Plus, I was done by the time I was 25, and that is really young.
There is no way you should get married if you are not comfortable with your options; be married and living apart or moving to AL. I wouldn`t move when my now FI wanted me too back in 1996. It wouldn`t have felt right to me. But everything has come full circle and I have it all!!!
You know what is right for you. We are all different. I could never be married and not live with my husband. To me it seems to be a really big part of being married. But, obviously, it works for a lot of people. I was surprised by some of the posts I read!! It really comes down to what will work for you.
Good luck and keep us posted!
Becky
When my FH and I started dating, I lived in Boston, and he lived in Albany. A year later, I ended up moving to Albany to be with him. There is a lot of extra stress involved in a long distance relationship, which you know because you are doing it now. Had I met my FH a year earlier, we probably wouldn't be in the same situation. I wouldn't have moved to be with him or anyone else, until I felt that everything I needed to do was done. I would hate to be going into my marriage thinking of the things I should've done before I got married. I finally came to a point where I was ready to move and start over in another city, and if I would have moved before that point, I probably wouldn't be happy.
I guess I am trying to say, don't get married or move if you will have any regrets about it. Being nervous and scared about change is one thing, but living without self fulfillment is another. Please don't let the financial aspect be a factor in determining your happiness. Do what is best for you, family and friends will understand. Good luck in all the tough choices you have to make.
If you know each other well enough it is not bad to just go for it and keep the wedding date, besides the fact it is going to be harder to plan from another state. When our parents were growing up they did not dream of living together before the wedding. I am living with my FH part time on the weekends . If you know each other well enough then you're love will grow stronger. Good luck! I hope I did not come across as harsh, if I did I did not mean to. Sorry
After reading a lot of the responses, I have to tell u about an experience I had from 1992-1999. I met and 'fell' in love with a man who shall remain nameless on this site for fear of someone knowing him, we dated for 7 1/2 years and got engagaged in 1995, after all the doubts I was having we kept postponing our wedding date and thank G-d did not book a hall, I caught him cheating on me!!! He lived in Merrick and then moved to Queens after the move he was far enough away from me that I did not know what he was up to. Until one day my Best friend was answering personal ads on the `net and came across his ad, everyone thought including me that we had a good relationship, well, I dumped him so fast and he had wanted me to move in with him but due to similiar circumstances , I to was just finishing school. etc. I am so glad that I did not go thru with the wedding! I met my future husband a short while after and we started out as friends and took it from there, very slow. I have no doubts and cannot wait for the wedding. I wish you all the best and I hope this helps. P.S. The ex fiancee is getting married this spring and all I have to say is good luck to the girl who is marrying him... a leopards spots do not change!
When I started this post I didn't expect so many differing opinions. I pretty much thought everyone would advise to just go on with the wedding. Well, while it's nice to hear that other people are or were in similar situations, I am weighing my options about changing the date. The truth of the matter is that I really don't want to move away from here. I grew up here and living in another whole area of the country and knowing nobody and being so far away from my family and friends is not what I want. When I first became engaged I figured that it wouldn't be so bad because it would only be for a few years. However, now that I have been down there a couple of times to visit him, I was looking forward at the end of the week to coming back home. Don't get me wrong, I love being with Ryan but when he was not around, I became both lonely and bored. Imagining this happening everyday is disheartening.
Anyway, I am going to have a long talk with Ryan tonight. I called my hall and they said that if I rescheduled a date ASAP and within the next year, it would only cost me the increase in price per person that, I assume, increases every year (no wonder why weddings are so expensive). I also called the video company I booked and he said that the deposit is good for a year so I wouldn't be losing any money. I am going to call a few more of my vendors and see what they say as well. I will post again and fill you all in on our decision. As of right now, Ryan doesn't want to postpone because he wants me to move down there by Christmas. He is probably going to be the most difficult factor in this dilemma. Again, thank you all for your responses.
wish you the best
I'd say postpone and ask your hall to honor your price--since you booked some time ago--especially if they can book that date again--there should be no question....usually the year you book in is the price you get--so they should keep that price---definitely call all of your vendors to see what they say.....i think you should postpone b/c you want to be happy and if you have been doing the long distance thing already--a few more yrs. will fly by---what type of program is ryan in? and you said he'll be done in how many yrs.?.....will he then move back to LI or does he want to live in NJ.....do what is best for you and we all know that you have to make a tough decision--if your love is that strong you both will get through this and be happy--also remember that he chose to go to AL for his program (wasn't there a program closer?) so he should be understanding too.........you should think about where you plan to live after you are married so that you don't have to keep switching jobs-althought like everyone said there are nurse shortages-it is kind of annoying and inconvenient to keep switching and starting over...hope you are happy w/your choice and good luck--keep us posted--we r here 4 u!
