HELP (really long sorry)

I don't know what to do!

FH went ahead and decided that we would have 9 of each bridesmaids and groomsmen! Not to mention a flower girl and ringbearer. Keep in mind that 3 of his cousins (sho I am close with) are in the party and the rest minus my MOH are all his friends! I am friends with almost all of them, and while I am not that close with my family or really have more than 3 close girlfriends I resented the fact that he went ahead and did this. We had argued over 8 and I thought that was more than enough and then two weeks later argued me to 9!!! He used the excuse of 'it's the only thing he has specifically had an opinion on' and while thats true, hes being really difficult with the planning. He's a volunteer friefighter and an officer to boot. He has meetings or something just about every night he isn't working and while I would never say he can't go on a call, he won't miss a meeting for anything even if it's not nesscessary for him to be there. Therefore planning has been really difficult and my mom has said she's paying for almost the whole wedding, (which floored me and am eternally grateful for) we're paying for the limos and his parents have the engagement party and RD.
With that said, FH doesn't seem to understand that while yes I don't want to have to tell people that we've had to shrink our party, I feel like we have to. The guys in the party are all big guys like my FH (he's 6'7') and therefore the normal 10 person limo will never fit 9 of them, the SUV's are an idea but will have to back down my court to fit.
I am kind of stuck in the middle between him and my mom and while they both make good arguments (his being that he went ahead and asked all of them) my moms being the money of the added bo-k and gifts, FH rarely comes to my house so they never can discuss any plans or problems in person.
OK sorry for the ranting... here's where I need your help. How do I get out of the middle without making the situation worse? And is it ok to explain to parts of the BP that for financial reasons we need to scale the party down?
Please help!

I understand what you are going through. We are both in the fire department and I know that its takes up ALOT of time. I also have a large bridal party. I have 10 guys. I cut down my girls to my close friends and will double up the guys with the girls. This way its helps with the numbers to not have as many girls and he still gets to have the amount of guys that he wants. You can always go for a limo buss that will hold everyone instead of limos. Girls cost more money then the guys. You dont have to get Bk's for the guys so that saves a bunch on flowers. You can also get the guys a beer mug as a gift and they are happy. If you want to talk you can FM me. I hope it all works out.

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Posted by FDWedding07

I understand what you are going through. We are both in the fire department and I know that its takes up ALOT of time. I also have a large bridal party. I have 10 guys. I cut down my girls to my close friends and will double up the guys with the girls. This way its helps with the numbers to not have as many girls and he still gets to have the amount of guys that he wants. You can always go for a limo buss that will hold everyone instead of limos. Girls cost more money then the guys. You dont have to get Bk's for the guys so that saves a bunch on flowers. You can also get the guys a beer mug as a gift and they are happy. If you want to talk you can FM me. I hope it all works out.

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Thank you, I know I probably sound like I'm whinning, but I just don't know what to do. I talked to my mom and she said shes going to call him and have him come over tommorow night to discuss something with him till I get out of work, so that the 3 of us can tlk this out.

I know how difficult it is. FH is a volunteer Fire Chief and captain of the drill team. So needless to say he is never around and I am doing all the planning by myself. Couple of times he has done the same thing to me. I would just talk to him and say that you understand that he really wants all these people in the bridal party but it will get more expensive for example: more bo-ks, more buttoniers, bigger limo and/or bus. The photographer also asks how many in the bridal party cause I think they charge more the bigger the party. Maybe when he realizes that it's more $$$ he will give in a little...... Good luck, I feel your pain

I would say that you need to sit down and have a long talk with FH. I know he wants a bridal party with 9 people but do YOU? You should have the girls that you want on your side. If it doesn't make financial sense to have that many people, and you don't really want them in your wedding party anyway, then maybe FH has to suck it up and uninvite them. I would be P**sed if FH asked girls to be in my wedding party without even consulting me. Is there any other compromise - have some of these people do readings at the church or just be acknowledged in some other way? There are definitely ways to make it work if you keep that size bridal party....cheaper limo company - two 12 people limo's etc.etc.

You just really have to decide as a couple what's important to you for the wedding.

THis is a tough argument to really win. Me and FH have been battling over the same thing. I personally feel that your BP should consist of people who are your close friends and family, not just people you stick in to make it fit. If you do not want a large BP then you should sit down and really have a conversation with FH and let him know what kind of financial burden this is going to put on you. Maybe once he realizes that it IS an expensive thing he may change his mind.

If I were asked to be a part of the BP and the bride had to come to me and say she had to cut back her BP due to money it would not hurt my feelings nor would I find it rude...but then again I know what it costs to plan a wedding.

But you and FH need to talk, whether this is the only thing he has had an opinion on or not, come to a compromise...maybe 7 instead of 9 and have the other 2 just seat people and hand out programs...there is always a way and you both need to be happy!

Good Luck!

OK so we figured it out FINALLY!!!!! We are doing 7 girls and 9 guys and he's promised to be more helpful with the planning! Last week was tough (we had a friend pass away) so there was no planning, but it did make him realize that life is more important than the size of our wedding party.
Thank you all for your helpful advice I really appriecated it!