Help... What should I do?

nsgraham Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:14 PM

Help... What should I do?

So my FI's grandmother is in the hospital. She's 96 years old and while she's been though a lot she might not make it this time. But she might - no one thinks she's going immediately. FI is sad, but mostly because it's been hard on his mother. He not that close to his grandma because they don't speak the same language, but it is his grandmother. She's blind for the most part, can bearly walk, hard of hearing and is on tons of medicine. FI's mom has been taking care of her at home, but it looks like she might not come home again, even if she lives.

Anyway, and I don't think anyone but a bride would understand this, but I don't have my FI's family's list. None of it, and my timetable for sending out the invites was, at latest, last weekend. My grandmother is telling me to send out the ones I have now. Should I just do that? I'm feeling horrible because I don't want to pressure his mom, I don't know if this is important enough, but my FI thinks his dad would be clueless about the list and only his mom can do it. I've been asking her since December as well.

Please pray that my FI's grandmother comes through this okay. FI is going over there tonight and is going to gauge how his mother is doing. She told him on Saturday that she wants to get the list to me, so I guess she'll be doing it on her own time.

What should I be feeling? Doing? Anyone?

HappyLady05 Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:21 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

i hope everything turns out well for your grandmother....here's my opinion and again, it's just mine.

I would send out the invites that you have done since you are past the time you wanted already.

i would let your fi gage his mother and maybe ask tomorrow if she could have at least the immediate family list ready to go.

This is just a suggestion. hope it all works out for the best

palebride Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:23 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

can you have FH ask her for the list...or for her address book and you and Fh can work to create the list....so that she doesn't have to work on it and worry about it?

BriBri529 Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:23 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Is there anyone else you can go to for the list? If not, I would just send out the ones you are positive about. When you get a quiet moment alone with FMIL, I would just nicely ask that when she get around to it, you would like to sit with her and write up her end of the list. That way you are seeking out quality time and making sure you are getting what you need. Good luck!!!

bxgell2 Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:23 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Sticky situation... I would (1) send out what you have (it can't hurt), (2) get your FI and FFIL to help (even if they can only give you a few names, at least it's something) and (3) most important, be there for your FI and FMIL... that's the most important of all

BriBri529 Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:24 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

nferrandi Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:24 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

I think you should go ahead and send out the invites you have addressed already. Kindly ask your FH to mention to his mother that you're sending out invites and you're still missing some addresses. I know she may be pre-occupied right now, and I'm sorry for that, but you still have a schedule that you're trying to keep to. I hope I'm not coming across heartless, but I know you're getting down to the wire here. In all fairness, I'm sure a lot of your FH family members would understand if they got their invites a little late in lieu of FH grandmother's illness. My prayers are with you all.

ETA: Is there an aunt or cousin you could go to for the addresses?

AJsMommy122 Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:25 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

I agree to send out what you have and I will pray for your fh's grandmother... but you still have to get the list from her asap and send those out ( not to be mean im REALLY sorry if it comes out that way) but you dont want to send it out and people get it the same weekend (knock on wood) she passes away.. or if you wait ... send it out right after a funeral. ( again knocking on wood)

Kriss2c Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:25 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Posted by KL805

i hope everything turns out well for your grandmother....here's my opinion and again, it's just mine.

I would send out the invites that you have done since you are past the time you wanted already.

i would let your fi gage his mother and maybe ask tomorrow if she could have at least the immediate family list ready to go.

This is just a suggestion. hope it all works out for the best

I agree.

I hope your FI's grandmother and mother recover quickly from this.

divabride Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:26 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Im so sorry. I have no advice for you, but plenty of support!!!

suven Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:29 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Oh NO! That is so sad. Just be there to support your fi. I know that you and I have the same date. How quickly can you get the envelopes done? They don't really have to be SENT until the last day of March.

But, if his mom has already mentioned the list, maybe you could just say to your FMIL,

'I know that you are very busy right now. 'Bob' mentioned that you wanted to give me the list for his side of the family. When would be a good time for us to get together and prepare the list?'

nsgraham Posted: Mar 15, 2004 05:53 PM

Re: Help... What should I do?

Thanks everyone!

There are no other family members - they, unlike us, have a TINY family, and his mom is an only child. It's their side I'm concerned about actually, because mine are ALL family and so they all know about this. His side is mostly friends, and who knows what they'll have booked for Memorial day weekend? And I didn't do STDs (didn't know about them anyway, and couldn't have without a LIST), so I'm afraid my side will overwhelm his side - even more than they would have.