Help with Mom (long)!

littlecat Posted: May 16, 2003 10:01 AM

Help with Mom (long)!

My mom said to me last night 'I hope you are doing something special for me on the wedding. I am giving you money also and the father gets to walk you down the aisle and get a dance. After all I have been there your whole life.............(the guilt trip)!' My FI said that it is my day and it is unfair that she always has to have someone recognize her on any day or pay attention to her.

My parents are separated and my mom is still bitter. I understand her a little but I think it is unfair that I have to start thinking of things to do for her in my wedding. I sounds selfish, but if you knew that she always puts things over your head - she just can't give you something and accept a thank you. Later, you still have to be kissing her butt.

I don't know what to do for her - I don't think that I like both parents walking the bride down (she mentioned that she has heard of that before). HELP!

Sassyz75 Posted: May 16, 2003 10:09 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

My mom does the guilt thing too- are you Italian? (ha ha).

Honestly- am I am who I am today because of my Mom. When I got married both my Mom and Dad walked me down the aisle... I don't think my Dad should take sole responsibility for 'giving' me away because I lived with my Mom and she was there for me day-in and day-out.

I do think you should do something special to recognize your Mom- she is, after all, your Mom... If you don't want to have her walk you down the aisle with your Dad then maybe you can dedicate a song to her and dance with her at the reception too.

Samanthas Mom Posted: May 16, 2003 10:11 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

a lot of brides dance w/ their mom now too
maybe you can do that? or write a speech and read it to her?

SeptemberBride03 Posted: May 16, 2003 10:12 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

I went to a wedding in Oct where the bride danced with her mom. Or you can dedicate your bouquet to her rather than tossing it.

littlecat Posted: May 16, 2003 10:18 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

Thanks girls, I know that she is my mom and I want to do something special I just don't want her telling me in a nasty voice that 'I hope you are doing something special for me on your wedding day'

Does it look weird for the mother and daughter to be dancing - and what song would you use.

shelzyp Posted: May 16, 2003 10:18 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

What about having you mom walk you half way and your dad walk you the other half?

littlecat Posted: May 16, 2003 10:19 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

any half I give her will not be good enough.

sanmik Posted: May 16, 2003 10:23 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

Why not buy a music box (maybe with the same song you will be dancing with your dad to) and hand it over to her right before dancing with your dad? This way everyone sees it and she's happy.

dubliner Posted: May 16, 2003 10:24 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

Fortunately I am not getting a guilt trip - would you consider presenting her wiht your BQ?

dawnie Posted: May 16, 2003 10:25 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

I danced with my mom on my wedding day...we were crying and I cry everytime I watch it on the video.

eroxgirl Posted: May 16, 2003 10:33 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

My mom said something similar to me. I'm having both moms light the tapers for the unity candle.

But I'm a firm believer in that if she's the type that won't be happy with anything, don't drive yourself crazy over it. She's supposed to be supportive of you, not give you grief and make desperate pleas for attention. I hope I don't offend you, but your happiness on your wedding day should be most important. JMO.

goldilocks Posted: May 16, 2003 10:34 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

I see nothing wrong with both of your parents walking you down the aisle. The father gets to do it because of years of tradition stemming from some pretty old stereotypes. Go ahead and dance with your mom too, I'm going to. They should be treated equally if they both raised you, and why single one out as 'special' when they both are!

ChristineC68 Posted: May 16, 2003 10:51 AM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

I like the speech/bouquet idea.

julybride444 Posted: May 16, 2003 03:21 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

I'm having both parents introduced as they walk in for the reception. We're also honoring our grandparents, and we're giving each parent a wrapped gift on their plates. We're doing lots of little things. I'm thankful that they don't 'expect' it though, if they did I wouldn't feel as good about doing it.

julybride444 Posted: May 16, 2003 03:23 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

P.S.
Although both my parents are walking me down the aisle-it's because I WANTED them to. If it's not what you always pictured or your uncomfortable with it, you shouldn't do it just to make your mom happy-find another less intrusive way to make her be quiet

Rob-luvs-me Posted: May 16, 2003 03:28 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

You could have her light a special candle, do a reading, or give her a special flower during the ceremony. Hmmm mine is usually like that but she knows she will get attention simply b/c she is the mother of the bride. (maybe put a special thank you to her in your programs? - moms love that sort of thing) I do hear you about mother problems - but I have to say that sometimes a small gesture can go a long way - you could do something small that does not detract from your day but makes her feel important

maysie18 Posted: May 16, 2003 09:47 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

My MOH danced w/her Mom at the reception (as her father watched from a table on the side) & they cried & got a few others crying too! It was really a nice tribute to her Mom. Also, not a bad idea to have your parents walk you down or each halfway, & maybe your Mom to light the unity candle.

I'm considering having my Mom walk me down (since she was the major influence), she will light the unity candle & I'm trying to get her to do the 1st dance w/me but she's shy. Good luck!

prncssrachel Posted: May 16, 2003 09:53 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

Um, my mom made it totally clear to me that my day is as much her day too. Apparently it's a mom thing. Haha, but she's just funny about it.

pschica Posted: May 17, 2003 12:42 PM

Re: Help with Mom (long)!

both my parents will be waling my down i think - depending on how my mom's knees are - i remember when i was younger she said that when she had gotten married they asked her if she wanted her dad or mom and dad to wlak her down and she thought it was silly for both to do it - later when she had kids she realized how special that was and wished she had allowed them both to wlak her down so i am hoping she can do it.....if she doesn't i am thinking of havign my ffil and dad walk me down together since i am so close to him too!