Helpful Hints

Helpful Hint #1

If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of
boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost
instantly removed.


Helpful Hint #2

Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting
someone else to hold them while you chop away!


Helpful Hint #3

Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and
slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.

Helpful Hint #4

Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the
fishes' eyes bulge and cause them to swim in an amusing manner.


Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes a
wonderful inexpensive vibrator.

Helpful Hint #6

Avoid arguments with the missus about lifting the toilet seat by
simply
******* in the sink.


Helpful Hint #7

High blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a
while, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.


Helpful Hint #8

A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you
from rolling over and going back to sleep.

Helpful Hint #9

If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you
will be afraid to cough.

OMG Jenn - hilarious. After my episode with my FMIL tonight I so needed that.

You're the best :)

Getting close Jenn.....wooohoooooooo. I'm so happy for you!

I need to use #8!!!

HAHAHAHA! That was funny!

LOL thats funny but I must admit I read the first two before I knew it was a joke...I was like hmmm wouldn't boiling water burn your throat... lol

HA!!

You had me until the wasps....I'm an idiot!