So my fmil bought my fh and I our unity candle - - very sweet and thoughtful of her
But, I dont like it AT ALL....
I figured 'ok, w/e, it's just the unity candle & blah blah....' but now I'm thinking 'no, I want something I like'
Should I just suck it up and keep the damn thing...or exchange it (but then how do I tell her?)
MyLobster
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
Depends...are you planning on keeping it and displaying it?? Many do...if yes, I would just tell her that you were planning on a different style to match the other items or you wamted to make one to make it more sentimental...something like that. If you don't want to keep it afterwards...I'd just use it and maybe you can decorate it a little to make it look more like what you want. Good luck!
MJDoc12
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
toughie---i would discuss this with FH. you might ruffle some feathers if you exchange it or not use it.
my sister bought us our toasting flutes----and i didn't like them. BUT she didn't really notice that we didn't use them at the wedding at all--but it wasn't a big deal to her in the first place. it might mean more to your MIL.
AugustBridein09
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
Okay I've been known to be a little extreme on here but maybe you could drop it and tell her it broke and that you 'received' a second one as a gift so you will just use that one and you feel bad and hope that she understands???
jeffamanda080808
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
Posted by UKsunshine
Okay I've been known to be a little extreme on here but maybe you could drop it and tell her it broke and that you 'received' a second one as a gift so you will just use that one and you feel bad and hope that she understands???
Although I think dropping it is an option.....
I actually can not stand my FMIL...............but...if she took the time out to get me my unity candle...even if I HATED it...I would use it. Only because it meant that she was being helpful/optimistic compared to her helpless/pesimistic act.
Either way it is up to you and FH. But if you want to keep the peace...just use it and make her fell happy and helpful!!!
JMHO!
wo0shply
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
Is there anyway of adding something to it so its more your style? Maybe adding a label that has your name and FH's name on it? You can tell your FMIL you personalized it so it would look nice in pictures.
Mici n KC
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
If you don't plan on displaying it then switch it.
angl2001
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
the same thing happened to my friend and she hated it! but they used it not wanting to offend her aunt.......if she is easily offended id say just use it so her feelings dont get hurt or.....you can always tell her you had one already that you love..........
Jennifer907
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
I hate my MIL. She made my CPs for me one day while I was at work. I hated them. Everyone else thought they were beautiful. They were nothing like what I wanted (not to mention silk - I wanted real), and when I tried telling her what I did want, she told me I didn't want that because it wouldn't look right (calla lilies with hydrangea). I just let her run with them because ultimately, the CPs were a minute detail on my wedding day - the day I was marrying my soul mate. They didn't matter in the big picture and she felt like she did something spectacular for us. I got what I wanted in my bo-k instead.
Bottom line...25 years from now you will not care what candle you lit. It's the look on your FHs face as you walk down the aisle that you'll remember. I'd just use the unity candle your FMIL got you. Buy the one you wanted to use and use it some other way.
klanghan
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
ok, so my FH bought the unity candle, i am not thrilled with it to say the least, but my thoughts on the matter is that it will be the focus of attention for about 2 mintues and then it will go in a closet somewhere, for me, the untiy candle is not something to get worked up over, good luck
heathermatt
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
this is a hard one...See my FH i think would understand ...his mom would do something like this and he knows I just would not go for it...So he would handle it...Can you talk to him and tell him how you feel and then he can talk to his mom...
Smiley7092
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
This is a tough situation. I don't know why FMIL's just go out and buy stuff even if they don't know if it is your taste or not? The thing she should have done was ask you to go with her or something so you could pick out something you liked. Unless she knew what your taste was beforehand. it's touchy though. Good luck!
madseason
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Re: Hmm..will I offend her?
My mother has done this continuously to me throughout the wedding planning process. She meant well....wanted to surprise me with things...but had no idea lol you kno?
Something like a unity candle, IMO, is a big thing to me. I would tell her that while the gift is so thoughtful, you already purchased one... and thank her for thinking of you! (.she doesnt have to kno u dont have one. TMI....)
If you want, you can keep it and display it somewhere during the ceremony or reception, or maybe shell offer to return it. Depending on how MIL is, she prob wont be offended.
