Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:08 AM

Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Ok ladies just need to vent for a second. MY FMIL called us yesterday to tell us she bid on a honeymoon for us at this convention she went to.

I thought it was a little weird at first but told myself this could be great, listen to what she has to say before I get nervous. Well long story short she won the bid and its for a week in Tortola at this villa. I don't mean to sound ungrateful as I am, but we were really looking at doing on of the Sandals or other All inclusives and were in between St. Lucia, Belize or Mexico.

I had not included the honeymoon in our budget since we had discussed going in October. So she tells us that she won it so now we don't have to worry about honeymoon and if we can reduce the amount of money she was going to give us by the cost of the trip (money that I had slated for something else). We still have to cover airfare for the honeymoon which is expected.

I tried doing some research on Tortola and it doesn't seem like the place for 20 something year olds. I haven't said anything because I don't want to hurt her feelings but to reduce the amount she was planning to give us by the cost of a trip I didn't want drives me nuts. The villa is apparently not near town and we will have to spend time taking cabs everywhere and finding bars and things to do.

Sorry it is so long just a little frustrated. Like I said, I am grateful and don't want to seem like I am not.

SeaMaiden Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:18 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

i dont blame you at all for being upset, and you are not being ungrateful. i dont know anything about this bidding stuff, but is it transferrable or can she cancel it? If that is possible, you might want to consider talking to her about it while its still early. i dont know if she is a sensitive person or not, but you have a right to enjoy your honeymoon!

I would tell her how grateful you are about this gesture but that you were planning a more tropical vacation. I would be apologetic like 'oh its all my fault i should have told you what we were planning..' maybe that could soften the blow. Maybe you know someone else who would like to go on this trip instead? Im not sure, this is a tough situation!

Jesses Girl Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:19 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

see i would tell her straight out that you have your heart set on somewhere else...or that you and FH dont mind the cost but that you want to do your own research.

it is not fair that you should be forced to take a honeymoon to a place that you do not wwannt.

i would totally voice my opinion. and decline the trip.

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:28 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Thanks so much ladies. It's just a little frustrating. I am paying for the majority of this wedding so their contribution is really helpful for me. I love my FMIL, I just feel weird about it.

gemini515 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:41 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Well I would tell my FH that we will have to meet with FMIL to inform her about how you planned to go somewhere else for your honeymoon. I would let FH do all the talking and shake my head in agreement. Did your FMIL pay for the honeymoon no so she really did not do anything. The money she was contributing she should still give to you.

Keep your head up

irishsweetheart Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:43 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

I can't blame you, I would be upset too if my FMIL did that. I mean it sounds like her heart was in the right place but she should have taken into consideration what you and your FH wanted to do for the HM.

And it's also kinda unfair that she 'won' the trip, didn't actually pay for it right? And she wants to deduct her gift by the amount of how much the trip is worth??? That would bother me too.

GinaZ Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:45 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

While that would probably be an awesome trip some other time, if it is not what you wanted for your honeymoon, you must tell her nicely- with help from FH! You only get one honeymoon. And you dont want to hurt her feelings. This is def a tough one! Good luck!! Im sure things will work out and it will all be good! :)

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:47 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Posted by irishsweetheart

I can't blame you, I would be upset too if my FMIL did that. I mean it sounds like her heart was in the right place but she should have taken into consideration what you and your FH wanted to do for the HM.

And it's also kinda unfair that she 'won' the trip, didn't actually pay for it right? And she wants to deduct her gift by the amount of how much the trip is worth??? That would bother me too.

Yeah she paid for the trip. It was like an auction at her sororities convention

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 11:48 AM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Posted by GinaZ

While that would probably be an awesome trip some other time, if it is not what you wanted for your honeymoon, you must tell her nicely- with help from FH! You only get one honeymoon. And you dont want to hurt her feelings. This is def a tough one! Good luck!! Im sure things will work out and it will all be good! :)

Thanks, I love FMIL and I know her heart was in the right place.

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 12:58 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Posted by gemini515

Well I would tell my FH that we will have to meet with FMIL to inform her about how you planned to go somewhere else for your honeymoon. I would let FH do all the talking and shake my head in agreement. Did your FMIL pay for the honeymoon no so she really did not do anything. The money she was contributing she should still give to you.

Keep your head up

Thanks its just a little frustrating

PrincessJen Posted: Apr 30, 2007 12:59 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Try having FH talk to her. Although she meant well it's not what you guys want. Since it was with her sororiority perhaps she can contact one of the people that bid against her & see if they would like it instead? This way she can re-coup the money.

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 01:05 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Very true, I will talk to FH tonight

ant n tilde Posted: Apr 30, 2007 01:11 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

ok i know money is always a controversial topic when it comes to weddings - but i dont think it is fair for her to 'reduce' your gift by the cost of the HM, i mean it is supposed to be a gift, it is not like you are giving her an invoice to pay off.

and i would DEFINITELY say something - i cant believe she won. . .

my FMIL kept trying to win this whole wedding for me through the radio - i didnt say anything bc there was almost no chance that she could win ( and she didnt) but i was so worried bc i would have had to get married much sooner with all different vendors AND when you win things like that your wedding becomes basically a giant ad for the companies. . . i was actually SICK about it which was silly bc there was never any real chance of her winning

but anyway - you only get ONE honeymoon. . . you have to go where YOU want to go - i have never heard of anyone going there. . .it may be nice - but if its NOT you will end up regretting it!

definitely talk to her! GL!

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:05 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Thanks so much. I feel the same way about the reduction. He and I are paying for the majority of the wedding. My grandmother has contributed and my mom has given what they can so far and have said they will give more next year.

FMIL and her husband also said they would try to give a certain amount and I am just taken back that she wants to reduce the amount by the cost of a vacation I don't want and didn't ask for.

ant n tilde Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:38 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Posted by love2plan1
I am just taken back that she wants to reduce the amount by the cost of a vacation I don't want and didn't ask for.

this made me LOL. . .

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:41 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

Posted by ant n tilde

Posted by love2plan1
I am just taken back that she wants to reduce the amount by the cost of a vacation I don't want and didn't ask for.

this made me LOL. . .

I know LOL. I was like huh? wow.

Fall Bride 2008 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:41 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

nice idea but i would be annoyed

love2plan1 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 02:47 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

You guys are the best, for a minute I thought I was being a brat, but geesh

enjft Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:03 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

I'm sorry but I would not go. Your HM only happens once in a lifetime and in no way should you regret not going to ur dream place to appease ur FMIL.

I think if you explain this gently to ur FMIL she should understand.

krisa1129 Posted: Apr 30, 2007 03:25 PM

Re: Honeymoon Vent! LONG POST SORRY

I agree with everyone else....defintley talk to her about.

I went to Tortola on a cruise, and it was only one day....it was beautiful....but it seemed like there wasn't much to do there!! We went to 'virgin gorda'....the baths I think they call it....and it was really nice...but a hm there I would probably not be thrilled with...
good luck!!