honoring marriage equality

We were going to do the white knots at our wedding, but now that they have made same sex marriage legal in NY, FH thinks its too much. He says we are preaching to the choir anyway (his BM is gay, so are a lot of the guests). I say that it isn't legal EVERYWHERE (yet) so we should still do it. FH says that 95% of our guests are New Yorkers, which is true. What does everyone think? I may be marrying a man, but I have been to most of the Pride Parades over the past decade and I went to the Millennium March in 2000 (amazing experience!). Gay rights are super important to me. FH cares too, but he is less 'militant' about it.

I agree with you. NY is a step in the right direction, but there are lots of states where gay marriage is explicitly illegal. The fight is still very much ongoing.

Check out the comments on this timely post for some other ideas: link (it was pride week at APW. If you don't already read that blog, you should!)

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Posted by sjr385

I agree with you. NY is a step in the right direction, but there are lots of states where gay marriage is explicitly illegal. The fight is still very much ongoing.

Check out the comments on this timely post for some other ideas: link (it was pride week at APW. If you don't already read that blog, you should!)

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So funny, it was APW that was the impetus for my post!

I applaud your support and think its a cool idea, however I do see where your FH might be coming from. Maybe he thinks that doing white knots will take the focus off you and Fh and YOUR marriage, which that day is really supposed to be about, for you two. This is the only wedding you get so you should really focus on that.

That's just my 2 cents, though. Don't get me wrong I support gay rights and was thrilled about the marriage quality law (I also have some gay friends in my party), but in my humble opinion, your day should be about you and FH.

It is really cool that its so important to you though, maybe you and FH could come up with a compromise? Like think of a way to include white knots in decor without everyone actually wearing them?

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Posted by wishingwell1230

I applaud your support and think its a cool idea, however I do see where your FH might be coming from. Maybe he thinks that doing white knots will take the focus off you and Fh and YOUR marriage, which that day is really supposed to be about, for you two. This is the only wedding you get so you should really focus on that.

That's just my 2 cents, though. Don't get me wrong I support gay rights and was thrilled about the marriage quality law (I also have some gay friends in my party), but in my humble opinion, your day should be about you and FH.

It is really cool that its so important to you though, maybe you and FH could come up with a compromise? Like think of a way to include white knots in decor without everyone actually wearing them?

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He is worried I am going to turn our wedding into a political rally! As an alternative, what about reading a passage from the Massachusetts act.

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Posted by lindseynaggle

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Posted by wishingwell1230

I applaud your support and think its a cool idea, however I do see where your FH might be coming from. Maybe he thinks that doing white knots will take the focus off you and Fh and YOUR marriage, which that day is really supposed to be about, for you two. This is the only wedding you get so you should really focus on that.

That's just my 2 cents, though. Don't get me wrong I support gay rights and was thrilled about the marriage quality law (I also have some gay friends in my party), but in my humble opinion, your day should be about you and FH.

It is really cool that its so important to you though, maybe you and FH could come up with a compromise? Like think of a way to include white knots in decor without everyone actually wearing them?

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He is worried I am going to turn our wedding into a political rally! As an alternative, what about reading a passage from the Massachusetts act.

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Well I doubt it would turn into a rally (lol) but I'm sure he thinks if everyone is wearing ribbons, that is what everyone is going to be talking about, and he'd rather them be paying attention to the ceremony and you two as a coupe celebrating your day. Don't get me wrong, I think its important to spread awareness and get people talking, but perhaps he doesn't think this is the appropriate place to do so.

And I think reading a passage from a Massachusetts act might draw more attention then ribbons, no?

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Posted by wishingwell1230

Well I doubt it would turn into a rally (lol) but I'm sure he thinks if everyone is wearing ribbons, that is what everyone is going to be talking about, and he'd rather them be paying attention to the ceremony and you two as a coupe celebrating your day. Don't get me wrong, I think its important to spread awareness and get people talking, but perhaps he doesn't think this is the appropriate place to do so.

And I think reading a passage from a Massachusetts act might draw more attention then ribbons, no?

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I'm going to disagree (respectfully ). I what you do depends on how obvious/subtle a message you want to send. If you have white ribbons for people to wear, people will definitely ask what they're for and discuss. But I don't think a little ribbon is going to tear attention away from how stunning you look as you walk down the aisle and how touching your vows are. Plenty of other people have done white ribbons at their weddings before you. Even if it does take a little attention, a wedding is a day, marriage is a lifetime, and civil rights issues affect people for generations.

Using a quote from the MA act could be more or less obvious, depending on how it's introduced. It's really a nice, general statement about marriage. People to whom it's important will recognize it; unless explicitly introduced, it might go over the heads of others. You could also include something in your program and/or do a donation (or charity registry, maybe?) to an organization like Freedom to Marry. Or any combination of those.

For those who aren't familiar, here's an excerpt from the MA act (written by Chief Justice Margaret Marshall in Goodridge vs. Department of Public Health, the 2003 Massachusetts Supreme Court decision to legalize same-sex marriage):

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“Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In return it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations.

Because it fulfills yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

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why not have the white knots next to the napkin at everyone's place setting with a little tag explaining what it is to those who dont know. that way it is still subtle way to honor those who are gay and also express support. it would be a nice way to teach those who arent aware what the white knots signify. you could write something like we've won the battle in new york which is a great success and also a step in the right direction for our country so that everyone can experience the joy we feel today

or something like that

HTH

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Posted by leesah85

why not have the white knots next to the napkin at everyone's place setting with a little tag explaining what it is to those who dont know. that way it is still subtle way to honor those who are gay and also express support. it would be a nice way to teach those who arent aware what the white knots signify. you could write something like we've won the battle in new york which is a great success and also a step in the right direction for our country so that everyone can experience the joy we feel today

or something like that

HTH

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I like this. Plus, its after the ceremony, so it won't distract people.

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Posted by leesah85

why not have the white knots next to the napkin at everyone's place setting with a little tag explaining what it is to those who dont know. that way it is still subtle way to honor those who are gay and also express support. it would be a nice way to teach those who arent aware what the white knots signify. you could write something like we've won the battle in new york which is a great success and also a step in the right direction for our country so that everyone can experience the joy we feel today

or something like that

HTH

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I think this is a much better idea.

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Posted by leesah85

why not have the white knots next to the napkin at everyone's place setting with a little tag explaining what it is to those who dont know. that way it is still subtle way to honor those who are gay and also express support. it would be a nice way to teach those who arent aware what the white knots signify. you could write something like we've won the battle in new york which is a great success and also a step in the right direction for our country so that everyone can experience the joy we feel today

or something like that

HTH

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i think this is a fantastic idea!

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Posted by leesah85

why not have the white knots next to the napkin at everyone's place setting with a little tag explaining what it is to those who dont know. that way it is still subtle way to honor those who are gay and also express support. it would be a nice way to teach those who arent aware what the white knots signify. you could write something like we've won the battle in new york which is a great success and also a step in the right direction for our country so that everyone can experience the joy we feel today

or something like that

HTH

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I like this idea. :)