Honoring the death of a friend

A few months after we got engaged, one of my bridesmaids died unexpectedly. She was a friend for a long time and very close to me and my family. How can I do something for her at my wedding without getting everyone all emotional. We tried to say something at our engagement party and I just couldn't make it past the first sentence. My fiancee tried and he broke down also. Now, I realize this is a sad thing to bring to a wedding, but I was wondering if there was a way to do it so as not to make a scene. I've kept the order for her bouquet and will bring it to the cemetary for her, but I feel like I want to do more.

Not to add to this, but we've also have three more close family members die, not least of which, my mom's mom (Nanny). Yeah, it's been a bittersweet year, to say the least...any suggestions?

Jamelle

Hi Jenn:

I lost my brother in law a year ago,(The week of our wedding). I'm honoring him as this. In my ceremony program under "Our Ceremony" on the inside, the first think I listed was, "The flowers on the altar are dedicated in memory of "John Doe", he is in our thoughts on this special day". You could do that with all the names you have. It's a tough one, but everyone I showed it to thinks it's beautiful.

Thanks. Teresa

Hi jenn, you could have a picture of them set up at a table someplace. i went to a wedding where that was done. the first time you looked at it was sad but after that things seemed to be ok. thats a nice idea about the flowers. hope this helps. i'll say a prayer for you

carolyn

Thanks. Teresa

I'm not sure if this is a christian ceremony but if it is you can probably have them remembered as part of the "Prayer of the Faithful" (that's what they call it in the Catholic church) during the ceremony. If possible, try to get someone who is not too emotionally attached to the deceased to read that part so as not to have too much crying. That is probably the best way to remember them as part of the ceremony. As for the reception, you may want to dedicate a dance to a favorite song or something.

Thanks. Teresa

Jenn, I do not know how your friend/loved ones died, but for example, if they died from cancer or a drunk driver, instead of favors you could type up cards for the tables that say something like in lieu of favors we have decided to make a donation to MADD (mother against drunk drivers) or the American Cancer foundation in memory of _______ who is truly missed and in our thoughts on this special day. my prayers are with you also, death ins never easy, we got engaged 9 months ago and have already lost two relatives to death. it is not easy

Jamelle

Jenn - I am very sorry for your losses. I lost my father a few years before my wedding so it wasn't so recent and acutely painful. But I wanted him to be remeber in my ceremony. We had the rabbi say something to the effect that although my father wasn't there, he was watching the ceremony. He said it much nicer than I can now. (I have tears in my eyes even now). But talk to you officiant. Maybe they can help.

Jenn, I do not know how your friend/loved ones died, but for example, if they died from cancer or a drunk driver, instead of favors you could type up cards for the tables that say something like in lieu of favors we have decided to make a donation to MADD (mother against drunk drivers) or the American Cancer foundation in memory of _______ who is truly missed and in our thoughts on this special day. my prayers are with you also, death ins never easy, we got engaged 9 months ago and have already lost two relatives to death. it is not easy

Jamelle

Thank you all for your suggestions...we've talked to the Deacon who is marrying us and there's something during the ceremony that can be dedicated...I guess I just want her (and them all) there in some way...

Also build in a little time so if you do have a problem, you have time to fix it.

Jamelle

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am in the same situation. I dont want to bring down the wedding but I feel we need to honor those who cannot be with us. My fiances dad passed away a few years ago along with my grams (my grandmother who I have lived with my whole life). Not only that my fiances best friend (who would have been his best man) past away suddenly two years ago. I was thinking of making a donation in their honor in lieu of favors. My grandma and fiances dad both died of cancer so I was thinking maybe ST. Judes or American Cancer Society. A friend of ours at her wedding had a rose from the American Cancer society with a note saying that a donation has been made in memory of her grandmother. I think this is a great idea. People will get the sentiment and remember the loss without you or your fiance getting extremely upset. I hope this helps. Let me know what you think. Take care!!

Also, try to request a sample before you order. This way you can touch it and make sure it is the quality you are looking for before you place the order. Most companies are willing to send a sample - especially when you're ordering by mail or online.

Good Luck Teresa

That's a beautiful thought. There are other charities to consider...my friend died suddenly in her sleep of a heart arrythmia, so I don't think there are any that specific...but maybe something that she would consider important...

Also, try to request a sample before you order. This way you can touch it and make sure it is the quality you are looking for before you place the order. Most companies are willing to send a sample - especially when you're ordering by mail or online.

Good Luck Teresa

Check out some of the heart research association, I am sure that you will be able to find one that studies Heart Arrhythmia

Jamelle

What about the American Heart Association. That would work. You should call them because the American Cancer Society I believe gives you the flowers and notes to put at the reception. If your friend liked children then maybe Make a Wish Foundation or St. Judes, maybe make a donation to her college in her name, Something she was interested in animals or the envirnment. No matter which charity receives the donation it is a special thought and would mean alot. Let me know what you come up with.

Check out some of the heart research association, I am sure that you will be able to find one that studies Heart Arrhythmia

Jamelle