How is everyone dealing with their families and the guest list? My problem is simple...my fiance and I are paying for our entire affair and we do not want to include children from the extended family. But the real problem lies with my family! They are stuck on the rules of wedding edicit. if it was up to them...I wouldnt invite any of my friends! How can I approach this issue without causing a war? I have heard alot of people tell me that I should just do what I want...but that is only going to make things very uncomfortable and unhappy around my house! I hope someone can offer me some advice?
Please...anyone?!
espresso
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Re: How are you dealing with...
how many extra people do they want to invite and how old are they?
brittny817
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Sweetie, rule of thumb is if you are paying for the reception, the guest list is entirely up to you and FH. That is with of course being somewhat sensitive to your parents and FIL's. That may be the one and only advantage to footing the bill. As for etiquette, I think for evening affairs children under the age of 18 shouldn't be invited with the acception of children in the wedding party and few very close relatives. I could be talking out of my a$$ though. FH and I are paying for the entire wedding and that is what we plan on doing. I wouldn't even consider cutting back on my list of friends for children that are part of my extended family.
This is my 2 cents..hope it helps
frushforth1
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they want to invite probably 20 extra people that will all fall into the adult category by that time...a part of me wants to argue the $$$$ issue and a part of me just wants to tell them I dont want htem there...I just dont know what to do
brittny817
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Maybe you can compromise with them. Maybe they would be willing to pay for the additional 20 guests as they are insisting that they attend. It sounds to me that you don't even want some of these people there which I can understand. I'm not a fan of youngsters at weddings (again excluding kids I am close to). It's all in your presentation. Tell Mom and Dad that this is costing you a lot of $$$ and need to cut back where you can. Let them know taking friends off the list is not an option bc they mean a lot to you and are a part of your life. Maybe they will meet you half way. It's all in your presentation, you'll get a lot more bee's with honey.
espresso
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Posted by frushforth1
they want to invite probably 20 extra people that will all fall into the adult category by that time...a part of me wants to argue the $$$$ issue and a part of me just wants to tell them I dont want htem there...I just dont know what to do
what I think prob differs from everyone else here. my fiance & I are paying for the ENTIRE thing on our own. that being said, we are allowing both set of parents to invite a certain amount of guests. I basically told them that we are paying for it so you guys can both invite X # of guests. that # ended up being much more than I would have liked!!!
There are some kids coming but i dont think it's teh world's biggest deal.
MY mom wanted to invite someone i hate, i fought her tooth & nail, and she agreed not to.
Our parents raised us, sacrificed for us, and spent god knows how much on us growing up. i think the least we can do it allow them to invite the people they care about to our wedding. sure it'll be an extra couple of thousand, but in the grand scheme of things they have done for us for the past 25 yrs, it doesnt matter.
so if they have 20 extras, i would compromise and say: we cant afford 20, how about you scale that down to 10? and then stick with those 10.
Missladybug15
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Re: How are you dealing with...
Posted by brittny817
Sweetie, rule of thumb is if you are paying for the reception, the guest list is entirely up to you and FH. That is with of course being somewhat sensitive to your parents and FIL's. That may be the one and only advantage to footing the bill. As for etiquette, I think for evening affairs children under the age of 18 shouldn't be invited with the acception of children in the wedding party and few very close relatives. I could be talking out of my a$$ though. FH and I are paying for the entire wedding and that is what we plan on doing. I wouldn't even consider cutting back on my list of friends for children that are part of my extended family.
This is my 2 cents..hope it helps
totally agree
frushforth1
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thanks for all of your input...the people that they want to invite are mostly people in my extended family. I realize that I have been treated wonderfully through my 25 years but I have to draw the line sometime and finally take an adult stand against them. How can i be asked to be an adult if they are always trying to make my decisions for me? please dont misunderstand...my family is wonderful and i love them dearly...but i ahve always done what my parents wanted and now this is going to become a problem because I cant make all the decisions...my fiance and I are obviously in this together.
NinaChris07
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Re: How are you dealing with...
Posted by Missladybug15
Posted by brittny817
Sweetie, rule of thumb is if you are paying for the reception, the guest list is entirely up to you and FH. That is with of course being somewhat sensitive to your parents and FIL's. That may be the one and only advantage to footing the bill. As for etiquette, I think for evening affairs children under the age of 18 shouldn't be invited with the acception of children in the wedding party and few very close relatives. I could be talking out of my a$$ though. FH and I are paying for the entire wedding and that is what we plan on doing. I wouldn't even consider cutting back on my list of friends for children that are part of my extended family.
This is my 2 cents..hope it helps
totally agree
I agree also!
If you don't want to start a total war, just argue the money issue and ask them to contribute that amount per person if they want to invite those people....
mskittynj
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Posted by frushforth1
How is everyone dealing with their families and the guest list? My problem is simple...my fiance and I are paying for our entire affair and we do not want to include children from the extended family. But the real problem lies with my family! They are stuck on the rules of wedding edicit. if it was up to them...I wouldnt invite any of my friends! How can I approach this issue without causing a war? I have heard alot of people tell me that I should just do what I want...but that is only going to make things very uncomfortable and unhappy around my house! I hope someone can offer me some advice?
Please...anyone?!
If NO ONE is helping you pay then to be perfectly honest it DOESN'T MATTER what they want!!! Tell them they can invite whoever they want if they're willing to pay for it! It's a bit harsh but its being realistic. XOXOXOXO Kitty
