It is going to be too costly for everyone to bring a guest. So I figure that I will just let people who are in 'serious relationships' bring guests.
However, there are many family members that I am not close too. Also some friends that I really don't speak to much any more.
How can I tactfully determine who is in a serious relationship? I really don't know about the love lives of a lot of my family and friends and I feel kinda weird asking too directly or explaining the reason why I am asking.
And what criteria makes up a 'serious relationship' anyway?
I feel that this can get kinda tricky.....
DnY
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
This is a tough one. A friend of mine cut down her guest list by only letting friends who were engaged or married bring a guest. Some of us were a bit upset by this, esp those of us who weren't engaged but had dated our bf's longer than she had known her fiance! lol. When I get married, everyone that gets invited will be allowed to bring a guest (unless they are a young teen.) The trade off is that I won't be able to invite tons of people. In my opinion, it ***** to go to a wedding stag, I hated it and won't put anyone else through it.
klanghan
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
i really think its up to you! It is your wedding after all, I have that problem with kids, alot of people in my family think I should let everyone bring their children. My policy is that if they are not a flower girl, they are not invited!
BoxOfRocks
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
Yes, this can be tricky. For us, we weren't sure if our cousins were dating people. We ultimately asked our parents to discreetly ask our aunts and uncles if cousin Jane (or whomever) was dating anyone. If the parents know about their kid's relationship, then it's probably not a fling.
For your friends, maybe simply reconnecting is good enough. Catching up on lives frequently includes discussions of boyfriends or girlfriends, so the topic may come up naturally this way. 'Yeah, I started a really fun job in April and I've been dating Bob since then, too.'
We didn't take the length of time people had been dating as a factor. As in, we didn't determine that we would only invite SOs of more than x months. I think that's an arbitrary determinant. If the two identified by themselves or their parents as a couple, we included the SO.
Summer07Bride
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
For my friends, I pretty much knew who was in a serious relationship. If they had been dating for a while and we had been hanging out with them , then I considered them serious. As for family, I figure if I have seen you at a family event (ie Christmas and Easter) then you are serious and invited with a date as well.
My advice is pick something and stick to it no matter what. One of my friends got married last year and determined she would only invite people with and guest if they were married or engaged. This aggravated some girls who had been dating their bfs for a while, but the bride would not change her stance on the matter for anybody (even her good friends) and I do respect this. Once you start allowing one exception, you have an additional 10-15 people at your wedding.
LBride
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
Everyone should have the option to bring a guest, especially people who may be traveling or might not know a lot of people. One of my friends was just invited to a wedding without a date and may not go because she is uncomfortable driving alone and back home late at night (bout 2 hour drive).... if you can find a way to do it, I would. I invited everyone with a guest and a lot all of my friends who werent dating someone came alone on their own choice, but at least they had that choice.
aprilv
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
long term relationships, guests coming from far away, engaged and married couples.
MJDoc12
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
Posted by LBride
Everyone should have the option to bring a guest, especially people who may be traveling or might not know a lot of people. One of my friends was just invited to a wedding without a date and may not go because she is uncomfortable driving alone and back home late at night (bout 2 hour drive).... if you can find a way to do it, I would. I invited everyone with a guest and a lot all of my friends who werent dating someone came alone on their own choice, but at least they had that choice.
ditto--i have to agree. i know everyone is different but i really hate the idea of inviting ppl to any type of party 'solo' just cause they don't have a ring on their finger or something. its such a terrible feeling getting an invite that says 'Ms. Jane Smith' and no '& Guest' -- i almost think it makes ppl feel like they are 2nd class ppl cause they don't have a steady enough relationship that deems them almost worthy to have a date
if you don't know a lot of ppl well enough to know whether they are in a relationship or not that is 'serious' then i would consider a way to invite ppl with guests. cause in the end you might end up offending family members who find out they were invited w/o a guest when others were. maybe find another way to to cut your guest list? the ppl that you and FH don't know enough to know if they are single---can they be cut? what about certain co-workers or acquaintances?
we invited everyone with a guest, and a lot of the single ppl declined to bring someone and came solo--but it was something they appreciated that we at least said you can bring someone
Mich0621
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
My criteria is: living together or over 1 year or engaged (that is the easier one)...Engaged, that would have to be any couple who is...other than that, if I don't know you well enough to know if you have a serious relationship, no guest!
Daisy Bride
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
no matter what you decide you'll always have someone getting insulted & complaining so just do what is best for you. I know that sounds negative but my FHs aunt caused a big family fued because we didn't invite her daughter with her boyfriend (who we never met & there are 51 single people invited) It gets me so mad that some people don't understand.
bemyyoko
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
okay so i typed up a whole complicated thing that i plan on doing and realized that i can sum it up very easily...
I am not doing 'and guest' If i do not know your name, you are not invited.
It will be 'mr. john smith and ms. mary jones'
if i do not know that mr john smith has a girlfriend, and i therefor do not know her name...'girlfriend x' will not be invited.
But i do plan on asking friends/family if they are seeing anyone before doing that.
My FH and I both have large families. It was very hard to cut our guest list back to what it is now. If we gave everyone we're inviting a guest, we would have strangers there instead of loved ones. That just didnt fly with either of us.
LBride
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
Can you imagine if while you were dating your now FH or DH, only he got invited to a co-workers or friends wedding just because they never techincally 'met' you ?.... I'd be so insulted! Just because you havent met them doesn't mean they're not important to that guest. Trust me, the majority of the people will not bring a guest if they're not seeing somone already. we had 2 whole tables of single people who didn't bring a guest that were invited with one....
november152008
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
it really should go by age...guest who are 18 and older should be invited with a guest...perhaps you want to do 21 and over...BUT how can you invite someone who is lets say 30 not married without a date???or even 25 not married without a date? imagine someone not inviting you with your fiance....or saying because your not engaged or married your relationship isnt 'real' enough so you can not bring that person to my wedding...it is insulting....i would not attend a party if i was invited without a guest it sends the wrong message to guest...do not invite the people you plan to invite without a guest at all....
bemyyoko
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Re: How do I determine who brings a 'guest'?
Posted by november152008
it really should go by age...guest who are 18 and older should be invited with a guest...perhaps you want to do 21 and over...BUT how can you invite someone who is lets say 30 not married without a date???or even 25 not married without a date? imagine someone not inviting you with your fiance....or saying because your not engaged or married your relationship isnt 'real' enough so you can not bring that person to my wedding...it is insulting....i would not attend a party if i was invited without a guest it sends the wrong message to guest...do not invite the people you plan to invite without a guest at all....
i have been invited to several weddings as well as other parties without a guest since i have turned 18. I was invited to a wedding without my then boyfriend who i was living with at the time, and I was not insulted at all.
It was a family wedding, I was going to know a ton of people, and I am quite capable of having a good time without my significant other.
I don't think people should be insulted if they are not invited with a date. Especially in cases where them having a guest, means someone the couple really cared about could not attend due to financial or space limitations.
