how do i get out of this one? -(long)

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

An old friend of mine got engaged over the summer. The day she got engaged she called me and asked me to be a bridesmaid. (I said yes, I thought it was nice of her). But I was shocked because we hadnt seen each other in two years and hadnt spoken in like 9 months. So after I accept her offer like 5 more months go by and I dont hear from her again. (I did try calling and emailing, but never got a response). I ended up getting engaged myself, I wanted to share my good news with her. It took her weeks to return my call about my engagement. (At this point I am getting angry with her). Here is where it gets messy...she finally returns my call, I tell her about my engagement, but I DID NOT ask her to be in my wedding. I have a lot of family that I am having as bridesmaids, so I only chose my closest friends (that I see all the time and speak to constantly). If we were still close I would have picked her, but I didnt. So now here is the problem, another 5 months has gone by with NO WORD from her. Her wedding is in the fall, I havent heard anything about being in her wedding, or about the ordering the BM dress etc... So I assume she doesnt want me in it anymore. Then last night she emails me a picture of the dress I will be wearing and asks me to send my sizes to her. (To be honest after not hearing from her for months and months on end, I dont feel comfortable being in the wedding). Plus I dont plan on having her in mine. So how do I bow out of this one? I know her, and if I tell her I dont want to be in it she will probably never speak to me again... HELP ladies...I do not know what to do!

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

Wow your in a bit of a sticky one!! Tell her since you got engaged you are spending a lot of money on your wedding and you hope she understands since she is also having a wedding and you can't afford it. Tell her you would still love to be invited to the wedding and hope this doesn't effect your friendship. Hope this helps...!

i agree with cooky

I think financial reasons is the best 'excuse' and they don't hurt feelings...plus your financial situation HAS changed since accepting...paying for the wedding...

good luck

i agree with cooky...me too

Also, you are not required to ask someone to be in your bridal party just because they ask you to be in their wedding. Don't feel bad about that one bit.
I would tell her that you have not spoken much lately and that financially you really need to concentrate on your wedding plans.
I am sure she will understand.

i agree with cooky

I agree with everyone, but the thing is that you did accept. I would at least call her immediately and let her know so she could fill someone in your spot.

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

I would just be in the wedding...but then again, I''m not a big fan of confrontation. Even though you might not be 100% with it, in the end being in the wedding might just be less stressful for you. It doesn''t sound like she expects very much from you, other than to wear the dress and show up. Good luck.

You agreed to be in her wedding, you should not renege. *NM*

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

Good luck, my friend got engaged last night and I am going to have a similair situation, I am going to tell her that it is too close to my own wedding a nd I cannot be in her wedding, that way I am bowing out gracefully. However, if sheis a real friend then she will understand why she is not in it, you have to ask family, etc. Good luck! It looks like we are in the same boat. Keep me posted!

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

She doesn't talk to you now, except about her wedding, so how good of a friend is she anyway?

I would get her on the phone and talk it out with her. You have enough of your own expenses now with your wedding, that paying hundreds of dollars to be in a wedding for someone who cannot seem to give you the time of day but every five months...I don't think you are unreasonable for feeling as you do.

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

Thanks for getting back to me Diana, What a mess we are both in..... I hope she does not ask me to be in the wedding, she and I were good friends at one point. When is your wedding and were? Feel free to e mail me at [email protected]. There is a good chance I am going to be asked to be in this wedding, It was like the game telephone today with all my friends. What a mess!

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

I have to say I agree with sonicstef. You really shouldn't cancel at this point, two wrongs don't make a right. I totally understand your point, but take a lesson from it for the next time you're asked. Maybe she has some stuff going on or something, who knows!

how do i get out of this one? -(long)

If you are really sure you do not...

want to be in the wedding party, I would call her immediatley and discuss it with her. Use the $$ excuse if you are not comfortable with being honest. (the true may be painful for your friend to hear. YOu can hope she will be understanding. But be prepared if this ends the friendship. My friend was in a similar situation. She told the girl that she was in another wedding party for the same day and she was closer to the other person (the story was pretty close to the truth!) and the girl never spoke to her again. My friend did not get invited to the wedding and the girls snubs both her and her family eveytime the see each other. My friend tried to rectify the situation but the girl was unwilling. I know you barely talk now and that may not bother you but you do have a history together and you may not want to erase that! Good Luck.

PS There is not reason why you have to put her in your bridal party! I just wouldn't hide it from her that hurts more.

If you are really sure you do not...

I would try to talk to her. Who knows maybe she reconsidered even having you in the wedding but doesn't want to hurt your feelings by unasking you. But maybe she just hasn't been able to keep in touch with you because of all her planning (we all know how wedding planning can consume our lives).
If she does still want you in the wedding I would do it....You did already agree to be in the wedding. But if you really want to get out of it I would use the money issuse.

And no you should not feel obligated to ask her to be in your wedding just because she asked you.