How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

Ok.. There is this girl that I have been friends with since I was about 16 years old. She and one of my other friends and I were inseperable. Shes always has bit of a drug problem but always seems to pull herself out of it. I was always the one calling, texting, and asking her to come out and she would either not answer or just not show up after saying she would. But we always said 'oh thats just how she is..' and would write it off. Of course when I got engaged, out of pure excitement I asked her to be one of my bridesmaids. Fast foward 2 1/2 years and now were planning the wedding. The last time I saw or spoke to this friend was at my superbowl party in January (she came for an hour and left). No calls, no texts, not even a facebook message when I put up that we had set a date. I have purposely not told her anything about the wedding figuring that she would just assume that she is no longer in the bridal party because of her pushing herself away. I cant have someone who I cant rely on in the wedding. I spoke to my other friend this morning (they work together now) and from what she told me my flaky friend apparently still thinks shes in the bridal party. She said something to the effect of 'well Kimmie better get in touch with me because if I'm in the wedding party I have to know whats going on.' REALLY?!? You cant pick up the phone to call me or see whats going on but you can ***** to one of our mutual friends? It really hurts me that I had to kind of push her out but shes not reliable and I DONT want anyone who could potentially be a hazard in my bridal party. I dont know how I should handle this situation. I made a point of saying to myself that I would wait for her to call/text me after she left my superbowl party the way she did. That was January. Obviously shes ok with the fact that we havent spoken since then because she hasnt reached out to me. Eventually Im going to have to address this with her. I dont want to hurt her feelings and I dont want to cut her out of my life, but how do I tell her how I honestly feel with out completely destroying our 'friendship'? Im so confused. If you read this whole thing thanks for listening!

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

I think you should reach out to her even though I believe friendships work both ways. Call her and ask where she's been. I would explain to her that at the time you asked her things were different with your friendship, but now you have grown apart. Tell her your BMs need to be there for you and if she can't do that then you would rather her just be there as a guest at the wedding instead.

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

I agree with reaching out to her. Although I definitely think she should've reached out before this when you set a date. I would just be the bigger person though. I would say something along the lines like you assumed maybe she didn't want to be in the bridal party because you haven't heard from her at all. I am kind of going through the same thing right now. It seems like my friend in my bridal party has time to call and write others on facebook but I can't even get a call back.

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

Even though you dont want her in the bridal party anymore what about incorporating her in the wedding in a different form like having her do one of your readings or handing out bubbles to everyone after the ceremony. That way she will still be included but you wont have to be worried about her not showing up because both those things can be handle by anybody at the last minute.

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

I would reach out and talk to her and basically tell her your worries, tell her how you value your friendship and would love her to be apart of your bridal party but each bridesmaid has to be someone who is not just close with you but someone you need to rely on and who cares to ask questions. hope it works out!

Re: How do I handle this? BM Dilemma...

thanks for the advice ladies! i hope that she will understand but i am just so afraid of her reaction...