How do you determine how?

I think it depends on what YOU want.

I am very lowkey so my wedding will be semi-formal.

I think it depends on EVERYTHING:

From the hall to the type of entertainment to the amount of guests you are having. The time of day is also a factor.

Here is something I stole:

A formal wedding calls for grand gestures, good taste, and glamour. Maybe you've always dreamed of putting on the Ritz for your wedding day, something completely, traditionally, and elegantly formal. If that's the case, we've got ideas and tips for creating the ultimate class act. Pick and choose to make your stylish celebration unique.

1. THE INVITATION

The most classic is engraved, written in black ink on white, ecru, or ivory paper. (It's more formal and traditional to not include a reply card, but since many of today's wedding guests aren't aware that they're supposed to sit down and write a formal acceptance note, you'll probably be better off using them.)

Have a calligrapher hand-address all the invitations.

Send an invitation to everyone you'd want to be there -- even guests who you know won't be able or likely to make it and people who already have it on their mental calendar (like your parents and your attendants).

The later in the day the wedding is, and the more people attending, the more formal a celebration it is. In other words, white-tie for 500 people really should only happen at night, so if that's what you have in mind, plan the timing accordingly.

2. THE BRIDE'S ATTIRE

The more formal you go dresswise, the longer the train becomes; it might be 'chapel' length, flowing 3 1/2 to 4 1/2 feet from your waist, or 'cathedral' length, 6 1/2 to 7 1/2 feet. (For a formal daytime wedding, a shorter train is also appropriate.) How do you walk around with the thing post-ceremony? Either have your bridal salon attach an elastic band to the train, so you can loop it around your wrist, or have the train 'bustled' -- snaps, loops, or buttons are affixed to the back of your dress and the end of the train. Your bridesmaids help you attach everything for the reception. Also, you'll find lots of gowns with detachable trains -- after the ceremony, you can just remove it.

A ball gown with a full tulle, silk, or satin skirt is a perfect formal look sans train.

A long tulle veil (often of a length that complements your train) with a 'blusher' (the part over the bride's face as she advances down the aisle) add to the drama. Also keep in mind that veils can be designed for removal at the reception.

If you don't care to wear a veil at all, many updos look very elegant, especially when worn with a tiara, a beaded comb, silk flowers, or a wreath of fresh flowers.

If your dress is sleeveless, consider wearing elbow-length gloves -- very classy.

A silk, tulle, or velvet wrap (depending on the season) is another glamorous accessory.

3. THE GROOM'S ATTIRE

For an evening wedding, the groom may wear a tuxedo (black-tie) or tails (white-tie). Another option is the white tuxedo jacket (very James Bond).

During the day, traditional formalwear is a morning coat: a gray or charcoal tailcoat worn with a vest or waistcoat and ascot instead of a bow tie and cummerbund, making for a very Jane Austen kind of look.

Technically, tuxedos should not be worn before 6 p.m., but that 'rule' no longer holds. If the reception begins around or after 6, it's okay to wear a tux to a ceremony that starts in the afternoon.

4. ATTENDANTS

The only requirement is that the dress style and color be of the same 'formality' as the bride's dress -- i.e., if you're in lace and tulle, the bridesmaids shouldn't be in cotton sundresses. If your dress is floor-length, theirs should be too.

Nosegays of simple, gorgeous flowers (like roses) make stunning bouquets. Or have each bridesmaid carry a single stem -- a calla lily, an orchid, etc.

Have female attendants wear gloves, especially if the bride will.

Groomsmen's outfits should be as formal as the groom's.

Give elegant gifts to your wedding party (perhaps to be worn with their wedding attire) like monogrammed silver cufflinks and pearl earrings.

5. GUESTS' ATTIRE

You can indicate 'White Tie,' 'Black Tie,' or 'Black Tie Optional' on your invitation to make it clear to your guests that now's the time to dust off (or rent) some formalwear. White-tie means a jacket with tails for men, a long gown and major jewelry for women. If a man doesn't have a tuxedo for black-tie, a solid dark suit would work (and wearing a colorful bow tie would jazz it up). For female guests, cocktail-length dresses are appropriate -- black is perfect.

6. FOOD & DRINK

A seated multi-course meal (appetizer, salad, sorbet/fish course, entree, cake/dessert, coffee) is the most formal option. If you want to have people mingle a little, a dessert buffet can loosen things up.

Elegant china is a must.

If you want to go all out, have different fine wines and/or champagnes for every course. You may even want to have a cheese course with cordials.

If you're not into a full dinner, don't rule out an elegant cocktail reception, with drinks, passed hors d'oeuvres, and maybe a jazz combo or string trio as entertainment.

7. MUSIC

The ultimate formal entertainment: a danceable and entire-crowd-pleasing '40s-style swing and standards band.

A string orchestra provides superb background music, while inspiring a bit of ballroom dancing. Nothing's more elegant than a dance floor packed with floating, graceful couples.

Formal weddings feature a supreme first-dance sequence. Check out Song Ideas: 35 Jazzy First-Dance Songs and Song Ideas: 50 Classic First-Dance Songs.

8. PHOTOGRAPHY

Even if you're not that into it, have some formal portraits of the two of you together and with wedding-party members and family taken, either before or after the ceremony.

Opt for black-and-white film -- it color-coordinates with a black- or white-tie affair perfectly.

If you want to be super traditional, have your dress ready far enough in advance so you can wear it to your wedding announcement photo shoot.

9. LOCATION/DECOR

Pick an elegant venue, such as an historic estate, elegant club, or ballroom, or museum.

Candlelight for the ceremony and/or the reception is beautiful. If the reception is in a room with high ceilings, you may want to use tall table candelabra with long tapers; they will illuminate the room without making it impossible to see others across the table.

If you can swing it, decorate reception tables and chairs with seat cushions or tablecloth overlays in rich fabrics.

If you use folding chairs, make sure they're those cool-looking, spare white or black ones, instead of the thick, heavy kind you'd find at a PTA meeting.

For flowers, choose glamorous traditional wedding flowers, and/or consider potted flowering trees with tiny lights in their branches. White color schemes are very formal and traditional.

Knot Note: Don't fret if you're working with champagne taste on a small budget. Sometimes less is more. Focus on important aspects like the site, the entertainment, and what you're wearing, and let the rest fall formally into place.

-- Victoria C. Rowan

RESOURCE
Meg Holland, President, Events Unlimited, Inc., Boston, MA; (617) 332-3027

OctBride,

You are incredible.

Russos on the bay...

The list is about 325....

Dec 17 or 18.. Waiting to hear what day the priest we want is ok with.........................

Church 530 ..

Cocktails 8pm

Sound to me like so far you have a pretty formal setting...evening affair at Russo's, so keep up the theme if that's what you are looking for.
IMO - I know you are planning you EP so you should make that formal too...since your planning an ultra formal wedding, you should give guest a taste of what's to come.

Ditto to all things that have been said about how to determine formality.

If you want to go very formal, it is more expensive because everything must be top rate.

Just MO but I dont think Russos is a white tie sort of place. Beautiful and very appropriate for a lovely wedding, but its not ultra formal (very few places are).

Black Tie yes.......

Thanks for all the help!!!!

Why Thank you Radiostar! *blushing*