One of my BFFs from HS moved away for college. I visited her a few times Freshmen/Soph year. But, she has made her life in this new location -- never moved back after college. just bought a house there with her FH.
we talk occassionally (translation: rarely) by email, but i really dont know too much about her anymore. the last time i saw her was 2 years ago for a mutual friend's son's baptism. and before that it was on my 21st bday (i am 27 now).
so she is engaged and yesterday i got an invitation for the bridal shower. i am not sure how i feel about this....
honestly, i feel sad that we lost touch for no particular reason cuz we were total BFFs. but an invite like this is so random. i did not plan on inviting her to my wedding, just because we hardly talk anymore. i kind of feel that this is just an invite to get a gift and that makes me feel
also..does this mean i am also invited to the wedding??
i appreciate your feedback! how would you feel? would you go?
i was just so caught off guard yesterday when i got the invite..i dont know how i feel.
Its2Snappy
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
I think it is kind of nice. I doubt it is just to get a gift. Besides, you could always get her something inexpensive. She was probably going through her list of people and thought of you. I wouldn't take it as anything other than she was thinking about you, remembering your friendship and really wanted you to be there.
I've lost touch with people over the years. And I think about them from time to time too. I don't know if I'd invite them back into my life the way this person did, but it is nice to consider.
soontobecruz
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Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
Sandradv121
Posted:
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Re: how do you feel about this?
This happened to me too. I would go. Before that however, I would try to make plans to see her or talk on the phone or something. For whatever reason, she still values what is left of your friendship. I attended a friends wedding who I had a friendship with that wasnt as solid as before. But it made an impact, and now our friendship is better.
Its just a thought, you don't have to, but if it were me, I would go.
MrsC2010
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Re: how do you feel about this?
To me it just sounds like she is trying to stay connected to some of her old friends...not just trying to get a gift. I have some friends from growing up that I dont talk to as often bc we are in different places in our lifes...but I can't imagine not inviting them to my wedding. If they choose not to come thats one thing, but I want to invite them and not just for gifts.
little j
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Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by soontobecruz
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
she didnt move that far -- its just philly! thats why it makes me more sad we lost touch. so yeah, the shower is in NJ (midway to philly). not sure where the wedding is.
if i go, should i invite her to my wedding too? i am so clueless.
honestly, i think im more upset that we are no longer close friends than anything else
lori7570
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Def don't think she's is just trying to get a gift...
Getting engaged made me think of all the people I used to be close with and even if we don't talk as much now, that I would want them to be a part of my day...
Unless you two had a huge falling out I would go...might be a great way to rekindle a friendship you seem to have valued!!
soontobecruz
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
she didnt move that far -- its just philly! thats why it makes me more sad we lost touch. so yeah, the shower is in NJ (midway to philly). not sure where the wedding is.
if i go, should i invite her to my wedding too? i am so clueless.
honestly, i think im more upset that we are no longer close friends than anything else
Ok if thats the case then I would go. (Sorry to flip flop my answer)Try to reconcile what friendship might still be there. And Yes I would invite her to yours. I don't think you have to get an expensive gift but maybe just being there will make you feel better.
I was under the impression you were more upset feeling used for a gift than the friendship drifting apart.
little j
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by soontobecruz
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
she didnt move that far -- its just philly! thats why it makes me more sad we lost touch. so yeah, the shower is in NJ (midway to philly). not sure where the wedding is.
if i go, should i invite her to my wedding too? i am so clueless.
honestly, i think im more upset that we are no longer close friends than anything else
Ok if thats the case then I would go. (Sorry to flip flop my answer)Try to reconcile what friendship might still be there. And Yes I would invite her to yours. I don't think you have to get an expensive gift but maybe just being there will make you feel better.
I was under the impression you were more upset feeling used for a gift than the friendship drifting apart.
i think i am confused. LOL. but thanks. the last time i saw her i just felt ackward and uncomfortable. the only thing in my mind was - why dont we talk anymore?? LOL. idk...
lori7570
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
she didnt move that far -- its just philly! thats why it makes me more sad we lost touch. so yeah, the shower is in NJ (midway to philly). not sure where the wedding is.
if i go, should i invite her to my wedding too? i am so clueless.
honestly, i think im more upset that we are no longer close friends than anything else
Ok if thats the case then I would go. (Sorry to flip flop my answer)Try to reconcile what friendship might still be there. And Yes I would invite her to yours. I don't think you have to get an expensive gift but maybe just being there will make you feel better.
I was under the impression you were more upset feeling used for a gift than the friendship drifting apart.
i think i am confused. LOL. but thanks. the last time i saw her i just felt ackward and uncomfortable. the only thing in my mind was - why dont we talk anymore?? LOL. idk...
Why don't you just ask her why you don't?? Might help to clear the air...
soontobecruz
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
Posted by little j
Posted by soontobecruz
hmmm... thats tough.
I would say it is a definate you are invited to the wedding.
If you don't think you are that close anymore and weren't even planning on inviting her to yours. Just say no she will get the hint. if you havn't seen her in 2 years, I doubt you will run into soon.
Is everything being held by her new location or here?
she didnt move that far -- its just philly! thats why it makes me more sad we lost touch. so yeah, the shower is in NJ (midway to philly). not sure where the wedding is.
if i go, should i invite her to my wedding too? i am so clueless.
honestly, i think im more upset that we are no longer close friends than anything else
Ok if thats the case then I would go. (Sorry to flip flop my answer)Try to reconcile what friendship might still be there. And Yes I would invite her to yours. I don't think you have to get an expensive gift but maybe just being there will make you feel better.
I was under the impression you were more upset feeling used for a gift than the friendship drifting apart.
i think i am confused. LOL. but thanks. the last time i saw her i just felt ackward and uncomfortable. the only thing in my mind was - why dont we talk anymore?? LOL. idk...
Maybe this is a good time then to send her an email. Say hi ask how her plans are going. Does she know your engaged to, ask her some advice on things she is doing. We all love to talk about our big days, conversation should flow more easily in the beginning. Then who knows maybe you will both question why things strayed as they did and it will bring you both closer.
alli3131
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
People grow apart as they get older.....it probably wasnt anything other than that and dont feel weird that you dont talk so much anymore. I have friends that I still consider close that dont live close by and we dont talk regularly. If this was someone special to you they should always be special. I would go to the shower.....My guess is its not just for a gift....she probably still considers you someone special and wanted you there
emc282rjm
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
Posted by Sandradv121
This happened to me too. I would go. Before that however, I would try to make plans to see her or talk on the phone or something. For whatever reason, she still values what is left of your friendship. I attended a friends wedding who I had a friendship with that wasnt as solid as before. But it made an impact, and now our friendship is better.
Its just a thought, you don't have to, but if it were me, I would go.
ITA. I think if you are really upset about not being close, you should reply yes and then take a trip to jersey of philly to have lunch or something. Tell her you want to catch up and maybe address why the friendship fell apart. I think especially if you didn't have a falling out or anything, it's clear that she wants to reconnect.
little j
Posted:
Member since
Re: how do you feel about this?
thanks guys! maybe ill plan a little wknd in philly for FH and me and ask her and her FH to dinner??
