How do you feel about this because I feel strongly!

Taken from another board...

Okay. So a week after our wedding (this past summer) DH's mom calls us and tells us that his niece ran off to the courthouse and got married to her boyfriend. (They are both 19, have a 2.5 year old together, and were engaged once before with an already canceled wedding last year. They got back together and got reengaged this year.)
So recently I got a FB message from the niece asking did I know about the wedding and were we coming. This is a week before the wedding, and I guess she thinks it's okay to just Facebook people and ask if they are coming to her wedding? (Which, by the way, don't get me started on how they are lying to people about it being a 'wedding' when it's NOT, they're already married!)

To which I wrote:
Wow, really?? Aside from the obvious immaturity that your DH's niece is displaying, I think that statement is harsh and ignorant. Why do you consider it LYING that they haven't broadcasted their news to everyone about being legally married?? That's no one's business if they choose to keep it private.

FI and I will probably be getting legally married a year before our actual wedding date for insurance purposes. I personally won't even consider us being married at that point because it's just a way for him to have health coverage in my eyes. Our REAL wedding will be the one we have been planning for two years in front of our family and loved ones. And guess what??? We won't be telling anyone our plans either to prevent being JUDGED and being spoken about the way you just did.

To each his own, I'm sure not everyone agrees with every aspect of your wedding, but that's too bad, because it was for you, and no one else. You should respect other's wishes.



Everyone else said it was a lie too! WTH, what do you girls think???

I think if they got married legally for whatever reason(there's a child invovled so it's very possible there's a legal or logistical reason for it.) , and don't want people to know that that's up to them. Obviously if people know they aren't lying about it, they just aren't broadcasting it.

If anyone disagrees with what their choosing to do then they don't have to go to the REAL wedding.

Even family isn't entitled to a say in how a person lives their life.

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Posted by htkp

Taken from another board...

(Which, by the way, don't get me started on how they are lying to people about it being a 'wedding' when it's NOT, they're already married!)

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This wasn't on LIW, was it?

I've thought about this general issue a lot. And I think, what it comes down to, is the fact that there's a difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is a ceremony and a party. A day -- perhaps an emotional, highly hyped day, but just a day (or few days for our Indian friends). A marriage is a lifetime. It's about negotiating an ever-changing relationship together. It often has religious, legal, and social implications. But, theoretically if you weren't looking for the religious/legal side, you could turn to your partner, declare yourselves married, and keep on living. Which is to say that a wedding does not necessarily make a marriage, and a marriage does not depend on a wedding.

Are you asking whether the original poster was being immature and catty? Yes.

Are you asking whether you're wrong for having a wedding a year after getting legally married? Or for not telling people (passively or actively)? No. There are several girls on the boards who are 'out' about already being married. I bet there are more keeping that fact under wraps. Whether for health insurance, taxes, immigration, children, med school residencies, whatever... there are plenty of practical reasons to get legally married while saving money for a wedding.

To me, a wedding is about celebrating and affirming your love for each other in public, about letting loved ones share in your joy, about introducing your new baby family to the community that will help support you. None of that is negated by signing the marriage license in advance.

Read this: APW Grad Post. Be prepared, just in case you feel a bit more married after the legal ceremony than you intended. And don't worry what random people on the internet think

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Posted by sjr385

This wasn't on LIW, was it?

I've thought about this general issue a lot. And I think, what it comes down to, is the fact that there's a difference between a wedding and a marriage. A wedding is a ceremony and a party. A day -- perhaps an emotional, highly hyped day, but just a day (or few days for our Indian friends). A marriage is a lifetime. It's about negotiating an ever-changing relationship together. It often has religious, legal, and social implications. But, theoretically if you weren't looking for the religious/legal side, you could turn to your partner, declare yourselves married, and keep on living. Which is to say that a wedding does not necessarily make a marriage, and a marriage does not depend on a wedding.

Are you asking whether the original poster was being immature and catty? Yes.

Are you asking whether you're wrong for having a wedding a year after getting legally married? Or for not telling people (passively or actively)? No. There are several girls on the boards who are 'out' about already being married. I bet there are more keeping that fact under wraps. Whether for health insurance, taxes, immigration, children, med school residencies, whatever... there are plenty of practical reasons to get legally married while saving money for a wedding.

To me, a wedding is about celebrating and affirming your love for each other in public, about letting loved ones share in your joy, about introducing your new baby family to the community that will help support you. None of that is negated by signing the marriage license in advance.

Read this: APW Grad Post. Be prepared, just in case you feel a bit more married after the legal ceremony than you intended. And don't worry what random people on the internet think

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You are so right, and that was so nicely written! I totally agree with you.