How do you guys do this?

I only got engaged a month and a half ago but I am already so overwhelmed. We have looked at a few reception places and they have all been so expensive. I don't have that many close friends but my fiance seems to make friends with EVERYONE he meets and wants to invite them all to our wedding. He has already asked 7 people to be in his wedding party and I only have 4 girls and I really want my brother to be involved but that would make the guy count double my girl count. I thought about having him stand on my side but I feel kind of weird about that. Maybe I'm not explaining things to my fiance very well, but I really don't think he gets that we need to set a budget and make a real guest list because there is no way we can pay for all the people he wants. He keeps saying you only get married once but I don't understand where he thinks we can get all this money from. I'm just getting so frustrated and want to just give up having a wedding at all. I wanted the planning to be fun but I'm just upset everytime I think about it now. Does anyone have any words of encouragement? Pretty please? Thanks for listening to (well, reading!) my rant.

It'll get better!!

My FH is the opposite.. he wanted the base minimum of people to be there and his first thought was to have a judge perform the ceremony in front of our immediate family! You guys have plenty of time.... but definately sit down and decide where you cut the guest list off. We looked at it as, no one is being invited (friend's of our parents) if we dont' know them, if we haven't seen someone in over 1 or so, they don't get invited. You have to set rules for yourself and stick to them.

You could also save money by not having a Sat.night wedding.... Friday and Sundays are cheaper.

Doing projects yourself rather then paying someone to make them will save you money. There are SOOOOO many ideas on this site... search some of the threads and give yourself some time to go back a few months and you'll be amazed! I know I was!

Good luck and we are always here to help.

We went through the same thing. If you don't take control now, you'll never get it back!

I don't think it's so bad that you have double the guys. You see that all the time now. I would rather have 2 guys for every girl than an odd number.

You guys need to sit down to talk just about the wedding, not discuss it in the car or in between other things you talk about in normal conversation. I would recommend you get a few prices just to show him what things cost. I remember when we first started the planning, I was talking to DH and he was clueless. He was thinking, for example, 'oh, $70 per person? No problem, we can do that.' Then I had to explain to him that the price we are getting per person is JUST FOR THE DINNER! It doesn't include all the other stuff, music, photos, church, attire, gifts, rings, etc. etc. So he really may not get it. If you have some realistic numbers to show him, he may begin to understand why you are so frustrated.

It may also help to explain to him in a very rational way, why things are stressing you out so much and that this is not what you imagined your wedding to be. You guys should be able to compromise on some stuff. I also don't think it is a big deal if your bridal party is uneven. If you have the people most important to you participating, that is all that matters. Good luck!

I would also highly recommend searching this site or asking the girls here about all-inclusive sites, and other lower cost reception halls. Everyone is very helpful here. There are some BEAUTIFUL places that offer really great deals! I wish I had taken the time to check into them myself rather than going straight for the more expensive ones. Good luck and enjoy!

ETA: I also wanted to say that you might want to consider a Saturday afternoon wedding. FI really wanted a Saturday night, but it was VERY expensive. We thought Saturday would still be the best day as we have a lot of out-of-town guests, so we decided on a Saturday afternoon. We saved $10,000 on that one decision alone.

I totally agree, I just started planning this month, and the cost of everything is so high. I am going to do a sunday evening, to save money, and as the other girls said there are so many other ways to save. Dont worry this time in your life is going to be stressful (as I realized). But enjoy it and dont let it hurt your wedding plans. Everything will be o.k

I think you need to sit down with him, and get quotes form us if you need to to set uo a realistic sample budget.. Once you add in every expense it's aLOT higher than most people think..just make a list with him like

Reception hall: 200 people at $100 p/p 20,000
(don;t forget tax and gratuity)
Photographer: 3000-5000
Flowers: 3000
Gown: 2500
Shoes, veil, etc: 250
ceremony site 500
band 5000+ or DJ 2000
Favors 500
Limos 1500
inviations: 500

I mean, that's just a sample, but you have to sort of sit down and do that. there are a lot of things you don't realize, like rehearsal dinner, bridal pary gifts, formalwear, ring bearer pillow, etc etc..it REALLY adds up

The very beginning is the hardest part. First, you need to reign in your FI. He has to stop asking guys to be in the BP!!

Once you find the place, it will hit him that he cannot invite everyone he knows. It would just be too much.

Take things one step at a time and TRY not to get too overwhelmed.

Things do get easier, trust me! Once the brand new exitement wears of reality sets in. The first thing you guys should do is set a budget. If he see the money it would cost to invite EVERYONE he wants, I am sure he'll understand. Ask him to make his guestlist - maybe its less than you think.

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Posted by marymoon

I think you need to sit down with him, and get quotes form us if you need to to set uo a realistic sample budget.. Once you add in every expense it's aLOT higher than most people think..just make a list with him like

Reception hall: 200 people at $100 p/p 20,000
(don;t forget tax and gratuity)
Photographer: 3000-5000
Flowers: 3000
Gown: 2500
Shoes, veil, etc: 250
ceremony site 500
band 5000+ or DJ 2000
Favors 500
Limos 1500
inviations: 500

I mean, that's just a sample, but you have to sort of sit down and do that. there are a lot of things you don't realize, like rehearsal dinner, bridal pary gifts, formalwear, ring bearer pillow, etc etc..it REALLY adds up

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Very true!!!
Also keep in mind, the above budget is for December. For your August wedding - which is prime time - things like Reception, flowers and others will be MORE !

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Posted by marymoon

I think you need to sit down with him, and get quotes form us if you need to to set uo a realistic sample budget.. Once you add in every expense it's aLOT higher than most people think..just make a list with him like

Reception hall: 200 people at $100 p/p 20,000
(don;t forget tax and gratuity)
Photographer: 3000-5000
Flowers: 3000
Gown: 2500
Shoes, veil, etc: 250
ceremony site 500
band 5000+ or DJ 2000
Favors 500
Limos 1500
inviations: 500

I

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I spent less than these prices on almost everything listed, but I know marymoon was just trying to give you a ballpark- you can do a wedding for less money too, if you are willing to cut things out or do a simpler version of things. As most of the brides on here can tell you, one of the best ways to cut expenses is to keep the guest list down (and that is what all the planning books tell you too.) For that reason, it would be good to have a serious conversation about who is going to be invited sooner rather than later and tell your FH he has to stick to the # you agree on and stop inviting everyone he knows.

Don't get too frustrated, just start researching prices for things, ask a lot of questions and think about realistically what is really important and what isn't for your wedding. It is a little overwhelming at first, but definitely do-able.

Thanks for all the replies. I am going to print some of this out and show my fiance. Maybe if some things are in writing he will pay more attention to it!

I'm looking in CT too which might be a little cheaper (I think tax is only 6%, so that helps a little), but I don't know if that would be more difficult to handle the planning.

I definitely want to make favors and things myself which should be good for the budget. I think it will be fun!

I will keep searching the posts for ideas. Thanks for knowing what I am going through, everyone!

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Posted by wood2be

We went through the same thing. If you don't take control now, you'll never get it back!

I don't think it's so bad that you have double the guys. You see that all the time now. I would rather have 2 guys for every girl than an odd number.

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I agree totally. We're doing 2 guys for every girl, and all the girls like it. But most of all, I totally agree with the first thing wood2be said - you guys should absolutely sit down and talk this out to get an idea of your wedding - it'll be easier to stick to your plan of your day once you have one. good luck!!

You have lots of time! Just take it slow. Sit down with your FI and discuss how much you want to spend on each vendor. When you put the actual numbers in front of him, he will probably stop inviting everyone he meets. He's just really excited about marrying you and wants to share with everyone!
OH yea, and don't worry about having more guys or girls, it doesn't matter.

When I first got engaged three months ago (sunday it'll be 3 months - whew that flew!), I felt the same way - I cried every day and was miserable.
We are having a large wedding and so the cost of the reception hall had to be the best it could be. After researching and making some tough decisions we did it. Now, two months later we haven't booked another thing but I am still researching and researching to get the best deal.

I find that many people don't realize the costs involved. When my mother yells at me for not getting a photo album right away, I explain, 'either write a check for 1000 or go away' - that usually ends it.

My advice is to quickly make that guest list. I did that within the first couple of weeks so I knew we were at first inviting 425, then paired it down to 375. I knew we could guarantee 300 and went from there. I ended up getting everything I wanted and then some.

Then, make a budget - 'we need to save this amount each month', open up a joint account and sack it away. Don't feel rushed to book other vendors - find ones that you click with but make sure that you spend what you want to spend in the right places.

I am not going to tell you to 'enjoy' this time - I hate it when peoplpe say that to me. It's stressful but seriously, it can be done. As someone said, 'regain the control'!

Oh, i totally made up that budget LOL....it's not my budget at all.. HAHA..

but I think it's a good diea to sit down and write down what you expect tp pay fr each thing, and then you can check with us on here if it seems reasonable based on what we've seen. Once you see it all on paper, it really adds up!