How do you handle it all?!!

I'm married 7 months now and living in our new home about 6 months - wow time flies!

I'm having a REALLY difficult time handling the housework. I've expressed this many times to my DH - but he doesn't help me! It's very frustrating - I feel we should both be doing it...his excuses are 'I don't do it as good as you do!' which is not true. I've made it a point NEVER to say he didn't do it right or clean something after he's done it.
The only comments I've ever made is he tends to 'clean up' by throwing things in drawers and closets - so if you can't see it - it's clean.

Should I just suck it up and just accept he's never gonna help me??
Any advice on how to manage it all??
I can't even imagine what it's gonna be like when we have kids..ugh!

Two words: House Keeper. OK, it's really 1 word, but it's more dramatic this way! I knew before I married my DH that he was no Felix Unger! Thankfully, he's not as bad as Oscar, but if it weren't for me, it could get that bad!! We're moving into our new house in December and no matter what it takes, read: DH delivering Newsday (LOL!!), we're getting a housekeeper every other week. I work full-time just like he does!!

Was your DH like this before you married him?? I definitely wouldn't 'suck it up'...that's going to make you resent him. Maybe he can do specific chores?? The ones he does best??

My DH and I had another discussion about this just last night. His sister's husband is a lazy azz and never, and I mean NEVER lifts a finger. Like that would ever happen in my house!!! The guy infuriates me. They're married 18 years and my DH never saw him wash a dish!!! HUH!??

Good luck with your DH. I really think that if he does certain chores (like he should!!) you won't feel so overwhelmed!

It must have been over a year ago that someone posted about the Flylady website. Check it out. It helps you develop some habits that make things easier to keep the house clean. A lot of it is geared towards the stay at home mom with kids, but they do address the working women too.

One of my favorite drills is the fire drill. Identify the Hot Spots where clutter collects, ie next to the chair, the kitchen counter, etc. Have a daily quick drill to clear the clutter - put away, throw away, etc. You'd be amazed what a difference this makes.

I also LOVE the clorox or lysol wipes. I keep them under every sink. Pull one out, do a quick wipe on the sink, another wipe on the toilet and you've kept the bathroom looking good with just a few minutes. Do it a few times a week and it's so much easier when it's time for a big cleaning.

Clutter is big thing - conquer that and it's much easier to clean!




http://www.flylady.org

This is not an easy topic, especially if your DH isn't already a neat freak, or the type to clean without being asked. Fortunately for me, my DH is very neat and he likes to clean! (I am not kidding) I have never had to ask him to help me b/c he naturally does...and I am thankful everyday, especially now that we have a baby.

However, I ditto what Karen said about making little habits that make it easier to keep up with the kitchens/baths during the week. The Clorox clean-ups are a god-send. They are no substitute for a good thorough scrubbing, but if you're just looking to freshen things up and wipe away dust and hair, they are perfect! Also, I keep PineSol under the bathroom sink, and everyday I pour a little in the bowl to keep it smelling fresh.

I have my moments where I don't have the motivation to clean everything everyday, but give yourself a break and do a little bit each day. I find that my biggest problem is keeping up with the laundry (especially w/baby!)

I agree you both should be doing it, especially if you're both working. I tend to cook more than my husband (because I get home a lot earlier) but he's great with cleaning up and doing laundry etc.

If I cook, he washes the dishes (and vice versa). Fortunately we both like a clean house, but we're not so anal that it doesn't get messy during the week. Generally I hit my point of intolerance before Al does.

I went on strike last night cause I just didn't feel like moving from the couch. I refused to unpack (we were in NY this weekend), do laundry, clean up or cook. Al said I must be Italian (cause they strike over there all the time). He mentioned he's italian too, and so we went out to dinner. That was a good distraction and when we came home we unpacked, he cleaned up and I did laundry.

You should not just have to 'suck it up'. Get him started in habits now, of it'll always be your responsibility.

I say 'dont suck it up - make it change!' and I know its not easy, because I can feel for you ! TOTALLY ! I have been unemployed for a year now, so I have done a little more, and thats fine since i've been home, but i still have to ask for the littlest bit of help. and what bugs me is that he thinks his FIXING things around the house and maintaining the pool, makes him EXEMPT from helping out with EVERYDAY CHORES ! and even before when I was working it was an issue that got to me. and sometimes i did let it go, because it was more fustrating to ARGUE and look like the NAG and pain in the butt wife, when all youre really doing is asking for TEAMWORK, right ??

I was told by a good friend to NEVER ask 'please' or say 'Thank you' because then they get the mentality that they are doing you a favor or that its really not their job, but they'll 'help ya out'... Its hard not to do that too, because you either have to be a B about it or be nice about it. and so as not to sound like a B, i ask nicely sometimes (only sometimes, LOL) just to get the job done !

Its a tough situation, I've suggested LISTS and hes like NO WAY, and I'll remind him to make a stop at Waldbaums for bottled water lets say and he'll say 'lets just do a big grocery shopping tomorrow nite' and there goes my plan of delegating ! LOL.

He has been ALOT more helpful lately, but my situation right now is different, and i dont know if he
would have been this HELPFUL if I wasnt 9months pregnant, LOL.

One week he was in a cleaning frenzy, and I was ecstatic, and only to find out, he did it for my baby shower that was held at my house. so that was just temporary ! I do more 9 months prego than he does at his ENERGY HIGH for cleaning (he gets them once in a while, lol)...

Sorry I dont have the perfect solution, I guess I just want you to know that youre not alone !!

Lets get through to these BIG BABIES together !
Oh and my sister LIVES by flylady.net, I havent been that active with visiting that site, but I should get to that !!

Good luck ! let us know how it goes !

I'm lucky because my DH mops the floors in the kitchen, livingroom and diningroom -- I'm not allowed because he says I don't mop right! Far be it for me to argue that one and for the record, I never had to mop a floor because we had rugs and my kitchen was so small, I wouldn't call it 'mopping'!! LOL :)

Although my DH is fairly neat, he does leave his socks and clothes somewhere other then the hamper! And the crumpled towel drives me crazy!

The thing that drives me crazy (and I know some won't agree) is when I'm cooking and he comes over to 'help' and proceeds to take over and then I get mad and leave and let him do it all!!!!!! I don't mind you helping, but who's running the show re the stove????? Ooohh, how that drives me crazy -- he reminds me of my father, another one who knows it all!!! What are they, Martha Stewart?

I'm lucky because he really does try to help, but I'm Miss Anal and would rather do it myself because I wouldn't like the job he did anyway!! LOL Also, my poor sister is married to Oscar Madison and she's constantly yelling at him, but you know what, you can't teach an old dog new tricks, unfortunately!

As I babbled on (Anna, Joe would tell you that there's nobody who talks more than me -- he asked if I have a switch to shut me off -- THE NERVE), in answer to your question. Screaming at him isn't going to work and will only result in a fight and you mad and him still not helping. Try to compromise and maybe do a list and give him some things to do and you others.

Good luck!

Debbie, you made me laugh about the OFF SWITCH. Last week we took infant/child CPR class (nerdy first-time parents to be )
And we had to demonstrate all the situations of choking and doing the CPR. So for one, I had to choke, and he had to say 'Are you choking ? Can you speak ? I'll help you' (Sounds so dorky right ??? Would you BOTHER ASKING someone who is choking IF THEY ARE CHOKING ??? I think they do that for legal reasons, incase you dont ask and start CPR, you can make things worse...)
Anyway point of my story
Anna chokes
John: Are you choking ?
Anna: Nods her head
John: Can you speak ?
Anna: Shakes her head 'no'
John looks up, smiles and says 'FINALLY ! Thank YOU !'

The class was in an uproar of laughter ! NOT NICE!

LMAO!!!! OMG, that would be JOE!!!!! Sometimes he just looks at me with this funny face and then shakes his head and cracks up and I ask what's so funny and he said me -- meanwhile I am not laughing nor am I telling a funny story -- he just can't get over the fact that I never shut up! Well pfffttt to you buddy boy, not for nothing but SOMEBODY has to do the talking!!! LOL :)

Just thought about another lifesaver for keeping the house in good shape - The Swiffer! If you haven't seen them, it's a floor 'sweeper' that uses a disposable wipe. Just put one on and run it across the floor every day or two and it picks up an amazing amount of dust, dirt, etc. It's even one cleaning chore that my husband will occasionally just do on his own.

Gotta disagree with the comments about never saying thank you or please because he'll fell like he's doing you a favor. I find just the opposite works wonders for our relationship. Hubby never fails to thank me for a great dinner and I sure don't feel like I'm doing him a favor. Instead, I feel good to know that he appreciates my efforts and that he doesn't take it for granted. Same goes for him. When I come home to find out he's washed the breakfast dishes, or emptied the dishwasher, or he helps fold laundry I make a point of thanking him. He likes to know that his efforts are appreciated too, and that I don't take him for granted. I think that he's slowly taken on more chores to help out over the years too, when he sees how much work I do. And I try to keep in mind the other things he does to support our relationship, like handle all the car repairs (something I hate!), killing all the icky bugs, and letting me decorate the house the way I want