How do you handle... (sorry, little long)

guests who assume they will be invited with a '+1'???!!!

I have a number of friends who are single. I was trying to cut back on our guest list and figured it would be easier to cut back on the +1's than it would be to cut actual friends, etc. Mind you, these people don't have signficant others (not even casually dating) and they will all be at the same table (they are friends from school).

So, I was at dinner the other night and one of these friends was mentioning that she didn't want to book a hotel room until 2 wks before because she won't know until then whether she wants to bring someone.... I just looked at her - shocked she would assume she was invited with a guest, even more shocked she'd bring some random guy to my wedding just to have a date!

Not sure how I should handle this... any advice?

I would've said something right there to prepare her for her single invitation. I would just tell people we're having a small wedding or we're on a budget & are trying to keep the list down, etc. It's the truth !

eeeks.. kinda hard because even though you don't want to just have a stranger comming to the wedding its kinda the proper thing to have a guest with anyone over the age of 18, now mind you just bringing a person you met that is wrong (as being the one invited to a wedding not you as the bride). I made sure everyone had a guest even fh's nieces and nephews all under 25 years old to 17 years old as much as we didn't want to ( 8 extra people) but we felt they would be pissy if we didn't do it.

But since your commited to having a person as a single guest I would pull them aside and inform them causally in a conversation that unfortunetly since you are restricted with the amount of people you can invited and you have a certain amount of people in your families that you invited the 'friends' who are not engaged (whatever) to be seated together with out a guest. Also explain that if you didn't do it this way there was no way for you to have every friend there to share your day.

I would understand if someone did that to me and as long as I will be seated with people who i know and like i will not be hurt.

Also on the invitation make sure you have the slot filled in or printed i will be attending ___ of 1.

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Posted by nmagel

It is perfectly acceptable not to include dates for anyone not married, engaged, living w/ a partner or in a long term relationship. I would address the envelope to Miss Jane Doe and fill in the response card w/ the number 1 so she doesn't have a chance to fill in 2. That's what I am doing. Also, before your wedding, check w/ your single friends to make sure nothing serious has developed w/ anyone.

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We are doing the same thing.

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Posted by L&R

guests who assume they will be invited with a '+1'???!!!

I have a number of friends who are single. I was trying to cut back on our guest list and figured it would be easier to cut back on the +1's than it would be to cut actual friends, etc. Mind you, these people don't have signficant others (not even casually dating) and they will all be at the same table (they are friends from school).

So, I was at dinner the other night and one of these friends was mentioning that she didn't want to book a hotel room until 2 wks before because she won't know until then whether she wants to bring someone.... I just looked at her - shocked she would assume she was invited with a guest, even more shocked she'd bring some random guy to my wedding just to have a date!

Not sure how I should handle this... any advice?

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Im in the same situation, i just flatout told them, i had to cut half my FRIENDS -so obviously there is just simply not enough room (or money) to fit random people i don't even know! its hard, but they have to understand! Its expensive to have everyone bring a random person!!!

Send out an email mentioning that since most of them know each other, that maybe they would want to share hotel rooms to help with costs. This will make them think.

We had only had 5 guests that were single, so we invited them with guests. 2 of them said they'd come with guest and showed up alone on the wedding day. So, if you're afraid to tell people, think about having to pay for a no show guest.

I do not think it was outrageous of your friend to think she'd be invited with a date. Since I was 16 years old, I've never been invited to a wedding without a date.

However, it is acceptable to invite people without dates if they aren't married, engaged, in a long-term relationship, or living with a partner, AND they know people at the wedding... so you're fine to invite people without a date.

I'd probably give her a call (and maybe any other single friends who were there for that conversation) to give them a heads up. Just explain that your quest list is monstrous, so you and your FI decided this, and you hope it's okay -- explain that you figured they would know a lot of people at the wedding, etc. BTW - What makes her think she can tell YOU only 2 weeks before the wedding how many people are coming - does an RSVP date mean nothing to her?!

They should understand - however, some single people are sensitive and may feel you're calling them out for being single... just be prepared for some hurt feelings... though I hope they're mature enough to understand. (When I was really single and knew people going to the wedding, I NEVER brought a date) Granted, I'm engaged now, but if I were single, I'd absolutely assume I'd be invited to a wedding with a date - I'd not mention at all (wait to see the invite), but I'd probably expect to be invited with a date.

Our youngest guest (and only guest under 21) is 19 - so we're not inviting anyone without a date. I understand if you have a growing guest list, you want to cut back on dates - That's fine, just make it clear now that it's come up.

We had this issue too because we have a lot of older teenagers coming to the wedding and most fo them are serial daters as is typical for the age. Also, we have many families coming (Most who I dont even want there) so if the family alone is 5 people, bringing dates for the three daughters bumps it up to 8 and I dont even want to invite them! Harsh but true. So the way we are handling it is like this;

1. If you are married, of course bring your spouse.
2.If the person is an adult and has been dating someone for over a year, OR at least 6 months and is serious, fine, they can bring that person as a date.
3. If the invitee is engaged or living with someone, then they should bring a date.

*NOTE* do check with single fiends before the wedding to see if they started anything serious, just to be on the safe side.

Otherwise NO DATES. We were clear and how we are handling it on the RSVp cards is actually writing the number of people. For example-single cousin gets a 1 on her card. Period. If they do not like it, too bad. May sound mean, but about 80 percent of the people coming to my wedding are doing so because of my parents or the Fh's. We wanted our friends and immediate family and that's it, but you all know how guests lists can grow as a result of trying to please everyone.

I think not inviting guests with dates is fine. The only people getting invited with dates are people in long term relationships. Otherwise, we would probably have an additional 20 people, which means we do not have.

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Posted by NY2Cincinnati

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Posted by nmagel

It is perfectly acceptable not to include dates for anyone not married, engaged, living w/ a partner or in a long term relationship. I would address the envelope to Miss Jane Doe and fill in the response card w/ the number 1 so she doesn't have a chance to fill in 2. That's what I am doing. Also, before your wedding, check w/ your single friends to make sure nothing serious has developed w/ anyone.

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We are doing the same thing.

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ditto ditto

I dont know if I am being mean or not by saying this- but I dont think people should ever expect to be invitied with a date to a wedding- especially if they arent even seeing anyone and havent been for awhile. I mean come on we are paying $100+ a person - why would I want to invite someone who could give to s h i t s about me and not even know who I am. Sorry that did sound mean but IMO. I mean if I was invited to a wedding without a guest and really wanted to go- I'd go!!

I mean I think it is a nice gesture to invite a quest. But FH and I decided to only invite the Bridal Party with a guest no matter what- and anyone else who is invited with a quest is because they have been dating for awhile- live together- engaged or married. I have too many cousins who go from girl to girl and never consistent- why should I bother inviting them with a date- I dont care if they are 21 23 and 25. They are family and know a bunch of people at my wedding- they can deal. Especially since FH and I are paying or ourselves.

Dont take this post offensively- its just my opinion

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Posted by cbcf

I dont know if I am being mean or not by saying this- but I dont think people should ever expect to be invitied with a date to a wedding- especially if they arent even seeing anyone and havent been for awhile. I mean come on we are paying $100+ a person - why would I want to invite someone who could give to s h i t s about me and not even know who I am. Sorry that did sound mean but IMO. I mean if I was invited to a wedding without a guest and really wanted to go- I'd go!!

I mean I think it is a nice gesture to invite a quest. But FH and I decided to only invite the Bridal Party with a guest no matter what- and anyone else who is invited with a quest is because they have been dating for awhile- live together- engaged or married. I have too many cousins who go from girl to girl and never consistent- why should I bother inviting them with a date- I dont care if they are 21 23 and 25. They are family and know a bunch of people at my wedding- they can deal. Especially since FH and I are paying or ourselves.

Dont take this post offensively- its just my opinion

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very well said... i completely agree

Some of our guests also thought this- some even in our bridal party. I know people may be offended, even those in the bridal party, but this is how I see OUR situation...

all of our friends (many of FH'sfriends from HS)still hang out with each other all the time- so who would you bring? a stranger? I would feel so bad for their guests because everyone knows each other. Or worse- any acquantance of FH's or mine that we didn't want to invite? We have a huge guest list so we decided that if you aren't in a serious relationship, you aren't getting a guest. We have almost 300 people on our guest list- it's just not happening.